The blinds had been drawn. The soft, soporific light dulled the cream washed walls casting dancing shadows across the ceiling. Ghosts of the evening that could not be seen, nor heart, yet lingered in the atmosphere adding to the growing tension nagging at Madeline's demandingly, worn body.2
To her left, Matthew slept soundly. His shoulder length fringe dropping over his heavily closed lids, traveling down his smooth olive cheeks to the curl of his smiling lips, where it lay blowing in the air with each breath he inhaled, and exhaled. Matthew had always been a heavy sleeper, even without the pills that lay scattered on his bedside table waiting for his next nightmare.3
Madeline was certain Matthew could not hear the sound of the; drip, drip, drip as the water swelled, rippling in the basin. It was times like these, those lazy, restless nights that Madeline wished they had taken a peek at the other residential units on offer before hastily accepting the first one they had visited, but it was the clawed-footed bathtub, and the quaint Victorian heritage the house had that had drawn Madeline like magnet, almost snatching the pen from the real estate woman's breast pocket to sign on a twelve month lease.4
Exhausted, and tired of watching the shadows dance into the hallway, Madeline reached across to the lamp, tugging on the antique pull string and switched it off, crawling into the warmth of Matthew's quilted blankets. From the hallway she could see the flickering tail of Prince Franklin rubbing against the creaking door frame. His muffled purrs, getting louder as he turned his body towards the open door, and scooted across the oak floorboards to the edge of the bed. 5
“Baby,” Madeline listened, as Matthew sleepily rolled over rubbing the sleep out of each eye, before turning towards her curled up frame. His arms, an extended embrace, wrapping themselves around her waist and finding home underneath her heavy, bare breasts.6
Madeline braced herself for his warm slender fingers. Each one stroking her milky flesh. His fingertips tracing the line of her breasts, caressing her warmth, while they journeyed lazily towards her small sweet rose buds. Coiling against Matthews embrace, Madeline brushed her own smooth fingertips along the vague lines of his pulsing veins. Observing carefully as Matthew palmed her breast.7
“You feel so ...go...good,” Madeline whispered, her voice dropping to short, deep panting breaths as her heart beat began to quicken beneath Matthews moving hands, and the heat of yearning between her slowly, spreading thighs dampened the tight fabric of her panties, causing small tingles to current through her throbbing buds.8
Matthew drew her closer to his shuddering body, meeting her firm thighs with a large, pawing hand. Wrapping his fingers around Madeline's trembling thigh, Matthew elevated it slowly into the air, converging them together by slipping his own naked thigh against her moistened apex. His firm, twitching length savoring her escaping moan as he nudged his solid form urgently against Madeline's ardent body.9
“I can't,” Madeline whimpered, feeling the soft fur of Prince Franklin's tickling tail brushing against her torso. Pushing him aside, Madeline giggled watching the appalled cat slink into the bathroom. His tail twitching angrily.10
Matthew lowered his cheek against her ear. His burning skin awakening a new sensation inside her, that melted her inhibitions away, and caused the swelling liquid against her engorged mound to swell. Producing a new stream of honey-sweet nectar against Matthews achingly, throbbing crown. Brushing Madeline's tussled hair behind her ears, Matthew ran his hungering, hot tongue around Madeline's ear. Stopping short to take her lobe between his supple lips, and nipping teeth. 11
“Don't you want to?” Matthew asked tormentingly, now fully awake. 12
He could feel her heart furiously, beating against the palm of his hand. With each beat surging through his fingertips, his own heart began to race a marathon, thumping violently against his breast bone; constraining his breath. Lost in his own delirium, Matthew suckled on Madeline's lobe, hovering above her revealing neck; to where the Victorian necklace he had given her hung between her heaving, swelling breasts.13
“Madeline?” Matthew pressed, rubbing his length up, and down the length of her panties. His palm groping her breasts, kneading them unmercifully. Frenzied in the knowledge that he had rendered her a speechless into a withering submission.14
Madeline took Matthews hand in hers, bringing it to her wet, supple lips and slipped three fingers salaciously inside her mouth. Feeding on each one; dragging them in, and suckling them out to each tip, Madeline ground herself urgently, colliding with Matthews erection with each powerful buck. The exquisite, agony of her seducing motion willing her out of domination and into the sublime weakness of loosing control.15
Matthew grasped the line of her panties, taking them back and twinging them against her apex, listening to guttural moans as Madeline buried her face into the pillow. Transported inside her vulnerable twilight, Matthew pulled down her soaked panties to her burning ankles, and raised her leg high in the air; teeth grazing along the nape of her neck.16
Madeline buckled underneath Matthew as he inched his prominent length inside her hungering well. Delving deeper, Madeline sensed her walls enveloping his crown, taking it towards the lining of her cervix, probing the sensitive surroundings of her pleasured cave. Unable to take Matthews never ending tease, Madeline swiftly backed her cheeks against his heated thighs, brushing against his lightly haired skin and began the sensuous dance.17
Matthew tweaked her buds in between two razored nails. His lips pressed in a frenzy against Madeline's jugular, awakening the tamed animal inside of him into the dangerous blood-lustful, territory. Taking Madeline's supple flesh between his teeth, Matthew began to grind it softly between them. Liquoring her cervix with his own unique juices as Madeline drew him dangerously close to a tempestuous climax.18
“Baby, slow down,” Matthew begged, gripping her breasts beneath his nails, rolling them around fiercely between both hands.19
Licentious, Madeline wrapped her hands around Matthews, intertwining them together like a chains. Rousing forward, Madeline cocked her head against Matthews chest, feeling the sharp, profound pain of his teeth sinking severely into her flesh. Pressing faster, heaving with each gyrated impalement of Matthews erection, Madeline's swollen envelope tightened. Her eyes a twitching, blur. Her heart rocketing through her chest as she heaved a guttural scream from her burning lungs. 20
Together the world shone white, behind the blanket of closed eyes. Sweat ran slick between their bodies, surrounding the blended nectar and potent cream that swelled and oozed from Madeline's cleaving well, shuddering Matthews subsiding erection inside her cave. The room fell silent, all but the sound of the leaking faucet, and the panting both pressed against one another's flesh. 21
Matthew lowered his white knuckled hands beneath Madeline's soft breasts. Taking the moment to catch his breath; inhaling the neglected air deeply, before exhaling. Lowering his tongue to Madeline's mauve, bruised neck, Matthew ran his tongue along the lines of each one, laying soft butterfly kisses along the line of her neck, and the arch of her back.22
“I'm sorry,” Madeline whispered into Matthews fingers, kissing each of his knuckles before squeezing his embracing arms tighter around her agile, naked body. 23
“It's so overwhelming. I...You make me feel so happy, so loved...,” Madeline wheezed to explain. Small tears formed in Madeline's eyes, falling in rhythm with the tap, tap of the facet. One by one they fell like rain onto Matthews warm skin. Each missing tear creating a pool on the sheets between them.24
“Shhh...baby, just rest,” Matthew whispered brushing her damp locks behind her softly, bruised ears. 25
Matthew pulled the sheets around their bodies, settling into Madeline's pulse as it relaxed to a rational beat. Kissing her lightly, throbbing temple Matthew slid his arm underneath Madeline's neck, and carefully pulled her shuddering body towards him, closing his eyes.26
“You make me so very happy my love,” Matthew said, placing the palm of his hand to feel Madeline's slowing heartbeat. Content Matthew listened, until he could hear the dull sound of Madeline blissfully breathing. 27
The leaking faucet ceased to drip.28
29
Author notes
I wrote this on four seperate occasions while learning to write erotic romance. I was waiting for a contest to fit it into. While you have seen some of it in the making Pixie I hope that doesn't deter from the story overall. I finished it last night, and to me this peice is very personal.
While my deepest desires are being supressed at the moment, this would be another one of my deepest desires ;]
Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation I am working on.
While I would love critical feedback on this, it is not as important. I wanted to share it with my readers though, and hope they enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
This is for my partner Dan, for our love and our future to come.
In a list
A contest entry
- Deepest Desires- Erotica by Lady Pixie.
300 points, ended October 17, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love is out there! by YaoiQueen Killa.
350 points, ended October 25, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Down & Dirty by Oblivion Kitty God.
700 points, ended October 16, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
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Paragraph one: you don't need the semicolon.
Paragraph two: "demanding, worn"
"Demandingly" is not a word.
This is a very sensual and exciting story. It's very well written. Your details are very vivid. Good work. Thank you for entering the contest. Good luck. -
Good write! In paragraph 2, instead of 'nor heart' it should be 'nor heard
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...
I think there couldbve been more, i dontknow what it was missing but it was missing something other than that good job
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At last! A piece of erotica that has NOT fallen into the abyss of pornography. You state that you wrote this while learning how to write erotica
Excuse my surprise; going off this, I believe there's not much left for you to learn.
I agree with other comments stating it makes a lovely change to have sex with love as the fundamental focal point; something generally not done in this genre - it is indeed a welcome change and I would like to see it done more often. I would rather have love as the central theme than the usual slash, gore and lust.
I found the story to be wonderfully written and easy to follow. Being able to "see" the action is more enjoyable than just being able to read about it.
I also liked how you didn't just concentrate on the two main characters, but brought the cat into the picture also from time to time - a wonderful idea that worked well.
If there is any criticism to be made by little old me, then I would say that perhaps, only perhaps, some of the descriptive passages (para 2 as an example) may be a tad too "flowery", but that is me being ultra nit-picky
In other words, what I'm trying to say is that I found nothing that needs to be changed; I can't see anything that, if changed, would enhance this well-written story.
All the SPaG issues have already been raised by Martha and Lady Pixie and so I thank them also, as well as your good self, for allowing me to sit back, relax, and enjoy this wonderful piece of erotic writing.
A marvellous write and a very enjoyable read. Thank you for posting


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I am glad that the sex is connected with love, it makes a pleasent change. You bring out the emotional side well rather than just saying that they were in love and then getting on with descibing the mechanics and the damp patch. I did think that one or two of the names of various body parts were a little cliched but then that is probably me being nit-picky. This is well written and erotic rather than pornographic, (which some writers fall into). Well done.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Marta caught some of the errors also- here are some others I caught:
P1: The night was young, but Madeline could see no point in staying away from her warm beds invitation and her collection of erotic romance novels that had been waiting her fervently flickering eyes since moving into the two bedroom apartment; two months ago.
bed's
comma after invitation
no semi-colon
P2: The soft, soporific light dulled the cream washed walls casting dancing shadows across the ceiling.
comma after dulled
P4: Madeline was certain Matthew could not hear the sound of the; drip, drip, drip as the water swelled, rippling in the basin.
no semi-colon
P7: Coiling against Matthews embrace, Madeline brushed her own smooth fingertips along the vague lines of his pulsing veins.
Mathew's
P13: He could feel her heart furiously, beating against the palm of his hand.
no comma
P13: ...his own heart began to race a marathon, thumping violently against his breast bone; constraining his breath.
replace the semi-colon with a comma instead
This was a beautiful and descriptive write- I enjoyed reading this and you've done a good job here capturing both emotion and visuals
Good work.

Pixie


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P1 porcelain.
P1 Couldn't see any point in getting out of the warm bed (would read smoother).
P2 heard not heart?
P3 ...waiting for his next nightmare? (unclear) but, still acceptable as I can make the mental leap and understand what this means.
I like how you wrote this, the descriptions were well done and not over the top or wron out.
It engages the reader into a menage a trois (sp?) and makes him/her feel that they are there so you would get high points on this from me.
Very nice that it is personal--sex of this kind and writing of this kind usually does take the the reader as well as the writer to a new height. Because, it's sex with love--as opposed to just sex.
Good job here and good luck in the contest.

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.




