“Regrets, I’ve had a few;”1
Frank Honeycutt downed a shot of bourbon as Sinatra crooned in the background. The shot glass had barely hit the weathered mahogany bar when he nodded to Muldoon to pour another. The bartender obliged. Frank had regrets, and more than a few. The buxom blonde at the end of the bar was likely to be the next one. Frank nodded toward her and Muldoon moved down the bar to pour her one as well. At midnight on Tuesday they were the only two customers.2
She lifted the shot glass as if gesturing a toast. Frank did likewise and then they both downed the amber liquid. She looked vaguely familiar to Frank, but he was half lit and his give a damn meter was on low.3
The blonde grabbed her clutch purse, pulled herself upright, and tottered toward him on her five inch stilettos. Her hips swayed seductively from side to side and her breasts wobbled ever so slightly.4
Frank looked at Muldoon who was looking at her. 5
“Two more,” Frank called out.6
Muldoon nodded without taking his eyes off her.7
“Hey handsome,” she cooed as she neared Frank.8
At forty-five he was not really handsome, although he had been once. That had been three wives, forty pounds, and twenty years ago. 9
“Sit down doll.” 10
As she did, he was aware of her perfume. It was every bit as cheap as she was. Even under the dim lights she looked every day of her forty years, and more.
Frank’s eyes ran up and down her chassis and he nodded his approval almost imperceptibly. 11
Muldoon set the bottle down near them and then busied himself near the other end of the bar. Muldoon had thought about taking a shot at her himself but what the hell, Frank had made the first move.12
She slithered into the seat beside him. His hand reached for the bottle. Her hand reached for his thigh. Frank was no stranger to indoor sports so he took it in stride.13
“You are one sexy man,” she whispered into his right ear. 14
Another lie but what the hell, he liked it. Her hand moved further up his thigh as she engaged him in hand to gland combat. Frank belted back his shot as he considered what to do next. He was trying to decide whether she was a genital contractor, or simply a lush looking for love. Sadly, he didn’t care.15
“What’s your name baby?” she asked as her hand worked its magic.16
“Frank. Frank Honeycutt,” he slurred slightly as he squirmed under her deft touch.17
She smiled as she leaned in to kiss his cheek.18
“Well Frank Honeycutt, I am gonna blow you away,” she purred.19
“You do that doll.” 20
In a single motion, she moved her hand from his lap to her purse. 21
“What the fuck,” growled Frank.22
“Sonny C says hi,” she whispered as she pulled the trigger. 23
Effortlessly, she wheeled and dropped Muldoon, tucked the pistol back into her purse, and walked through the front door.24
25
Worth working on?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Very Nice.
But she should empty the the pistol's magazine into Muldoon, why take a chance that he will survive.
She should put in earplugs, the sound of the shooting would be deafening in the small space of the bar.
Then she should drop it on the floor.
She is too close to Muldoon. The blood will splatter back on her.
She should get up and walk away. Then turn and do the job.
The pistol should be stollen with tape around the handle,and trigger. The magazine should be wiped clean of fingerprints, remember that's how they got Oswald, fingerprints on the shell casings and magazine.
Even so, it's a good story!
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Outstanding story! I want to read more!!
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A witty, funny, story. The ending really surprised me. What a neat story! The ending works beautifully and gives a real sense of finality.
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"Her hand moved further up his thigh as she engaged him in hand to gland combat. Frank belted back his shot as he considered what to do next. He was trying to decide whether she was a genital contractor, or simply a lush looking for love. Sadly, he didn’t care." - I love this! Plain and simply, these few lines made me break into a wry smile.
Only little thing which put me off was the cliche's (sp??) that were being used. I felt the character of the buxom blonde was a giant cliche in itself. This is a character I have seen in pop culture time and time again. But in terms of your context it quickly and directing points the reader to the time period and setting this story may be in.
But other than that it's a good noir gangster story in the making. -
NIIIce
Awesome scene! Oh the things this could do! More, please. You could write a million plotlines from there.
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absolutely
Thanks for the info. I need all I can get. I became your characters. Wild If Frank Didn't die and good ole revenge took place. -
Hey jkingmaker,
Great short story! Had me fooled all the way till the end
Steve
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Thanks T3
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#19 leave out the first 'you away'
Well, that was a surprise. She really meant what she said.
Great job. I didn't suspect a thing until she reached for her purse.
Trish
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Ms. Pixie - than you so much for your help. It is always VERY much appreciated.
Marta & seamusl - thank you for the reads. The encouragement keeps me going ;-) -
Very engaging read here... and the ending really does blow away the reader (pun certainly intended
), and gives a unique twist 
I spotted some places that need some work, hope you don't mind:
P10: “Sit down doll,”
period- not comma.
P11: As she did he was aware of her perfume.
comma after did
P16: “What’s your name baby?” she asked as her hand worked it’s magic.
its (not it's)
P19: “Well Frank Honeycutt I am gonna you away blow you away,” she purred.
comma after Honeycutt
P20: “You do that doll,”
period- not comma
P21: In a single motion she moved her hand from his lap to her purse.
comma after motion
P24: In a single motion she wheeled and dropped Muldoon, tucked the pistol back into her purse, and walked through the front door.
I would suggest re-wording the start of this sentence. P21 (which is pretty close to this one, starts out exactly like this, so it makes this one seem a little repetitive sounding in my opinion). It's only a suggestion, though... so you don't have to listen to me or anything Perhaps try 'Swiftly'?
Swiftly, she wheeled and dropped Muldoon, then tucked the pistol back into her purse, and walked through the front door.
As I said, only a suggestion
Overall, an engaging and entertaining read. I liked how you fooled the reader in the beginning and gave an interesting twist at the end. Good work
Pixie
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Yes, I liked this beginning and would like to see where it ends.
Great characters and I like the cynical tone of it all and it's amusing.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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spillane 2.0
really like the bete noir style. hope you finish it. great start
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