I'm
A grain of Sand
On the Grand
Beach of Life.1
I'm
One of
Countless brethren
In this journey.2
Sometimes,
I'm
Tread upon,
Or sat on,3
Sometimes,
Blown
Away by
Shapeless wind.4
My brethren,
Fear the waves
Which sweep so many
Of us away.5
I,
However,
Dream of being taken
By the sea.6
I
wonder what
Unknown marvels
I'd experience.7
So every time
I'm,
Tread upon
Or sat on,8
Every time
I'm
Blown
By winds,9
I
Return
To where I
Began,10
And
Seek the reaching waves
So the sea
May draw me in.11
Until then,
I'm but a small Grain
In the Grand
Beach of life.
Author notes
What do you think of my poem? 
In a list
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 57 of 57
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Great
I agree with Mira this was inspirational. It reminded me of a dream sequence in a movie after bein swept away in your dream you come to realize how much different it is from your dream. I dunno why but it did. Well written
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WOW
That was very inspirational (Ps, I'm in english class right now.)
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Wow I really love this poem and the "grain of sand" metaphor was pretty creative too. Well done on this poem.
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Really nice, simple, short and has a good message. The only thing that I could think of that could arguably serve as a potential improvement is expanding from just the beach. What's stopping it from becoming one in the universe.
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I thought it was a very wise poem.
The grain of sand was a sweet metaphor to use. Some would say that it was too passive. That you should take control of your life, and fight the battle that we all most inevitably face up to. Life is war, sad but true.
I however smiled as I read it.
It had a gentle kindness, and I liked it very much.
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Simply wonderful!
Wow... Just wow... I could never write such a poem.. (probably because I'm bad with it... =3= ) -
I think your poem is.. wow.
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great work, had a nice flow to it!!
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This is great! Never thought about the life in that way... Not much else to say, just - great!
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Great. Sorry don't have time to comment.
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wow
that is very deep. i love it -
very deep
I enjoyed your very deep take on life. I love the flow of your poem and the comparison of your life to that of a grain of sand. Don't change a thing, it works as is.
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A very wonderful piece! It really is inspiring!
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Great!
"I'm but a small Grain
In the Grand
Beach of life."
Wonderful!
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nice
excellentbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow... !!!
It rocked my world! -
Fabulous poem! Really, inspirational, at least I think so. I love it..
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Hey nice poem. I thought it was going to be a typical whoa is me poem, but it actually offers hope despite the fact we are "grains of sand" great job
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10/10
What a great poem. It has everything: imagenation, imagery and even an epic feeling! It really took my breath away! -
great
amazing it really made me think. it was touching. any one person can relate to part of it.
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I really like this , it was thought
provoking and flowed very nicely and great , imagination , thanks it was a pleasure to read and see , great writing and in a your own special way, keep writing for this kept me hooked from beginning to end.
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What a wonderful poem! I always admire people that create such beautiful and touching poetry. *awed* Wow
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That wuz me!
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Nice I like it. I wrote a poem once long ago about being a swamp and my husband a fast rushing stream. He was in a hurry to be someone, something...I have patience and am content to filter out the impurities and make the world a better place simply by being...25 years later he has almost returned and will one day join me in my lovely little world. The only thing to give me pause is the title which is not used in the poem.
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Well done. A real piece of work.
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"I am" is a very powerful title, so I was a little dissapointed when you used "I'm" instead, I feel like it took a little bit away.
I liked how it began. I was really getting into it. But then I ran into things I didn't understand - like, why does he warn his brethren to be beware of the waves, and why does he desire it so much for himself?
Oh wait, got it, seeing unknown marvels, sorry. My bad, I missed that para. Still, it seems a little selfish that he tells his brethren sand to try and avoid the waves.
Other than that, I liked it. It's a simple concept that could have had more impact but it conveys a much breezier scene of a beach on a light sunset day.
I feel it could be stronger, a lot stronger than it is now. It's a beautiful concept, and was pleasant to read.
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I loved it! Especially how you've included 'personal' feelings and insights of the grain, and a glimpse of hope. It makes the grain of sand comparable to human beings. And you did it so flawlessly!
The way you've arranged the lines of the poem is also very effective and gives the poem a whole, smooth feeling. Absolutely, positively stunning!
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This is amazing! I love this style, the way you skipped teh lines. Added power and affect, perfect. You had beautiful words, and meaning. I love this.
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Wow this poem was very good! I loved it! But I have a queston, (hoing not making you offended) but why write this on storywrite, when you can put it on Allpoetry? Oh well, just wondering! Great poem anyway! I loved it!!
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Took me a bit, but I did finally read it.
I have to say that it was very good. I like the concept of us being this time grain of sand in the huge world, because basically we are.
Great imagery.
Brooke -
hey, liked yur poem. it was super cool
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Good
Every time
I'm
Blown
By winds,9
I
Return
To where I
Began,10
And
Seek the reaching waves
So the sea
May draw me in.11
Until then,
I'm but a small Grain
In the Grand
Beach of life.
is a great sectiion. I really liked it/well done!
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Really good! Well written, and it had a meaning to it aswell. Great job!
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I love the concept you used. This was very well written and I love your word choice. It feels as if you described my state of mind and I like that. Keep it up. I love it.
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Wow
This was very good, and well written and it had a lot of meaning.
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Oh I like this one! You did really well. This one was closer to being a poem than your first one; even though I really liked that one too. I thought you chose a very good concept to use. Also, I like that you put your poem into verses instead of free verse so that it has a organized feel to it. Very nice work! I hope to see more poems by you in the future.
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Josh, I am like breathless. That was absolutely amazing. You chose beautiful words to describe things, and it worked perfectly. I loved every second of it!
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I loved it
It flows beautifully and smoothly. I dont write much poetry anymore but I love reading it. This is a great representation of not only the whole sandy beach but also a great meaning of some peoples lives. Keep it up!
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ranooona
hi, this is a very good story!
when you write another one tell me i will read it
bye
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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this is a perfect example of SSS, Short, Sweet and Simple.
Very, very good!!! A proper poem full of truth, emotion and power. Beautiful!!!
Schnitzel
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As yara said nice poem
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Nice poem :)
A very Lovely poem Which has a lot of meaning in it
Nice Job
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Wow, this is really really good, Josh. ^^
It really makes you think, and it describes everyday life and what we are. You should write more like this one.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great!
I loved it. It is very well written.
xoxo
Rae
language: 5.
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O.O
That. Is. So. Amazing. It describes life as a normal person pretty well, I love ALL your poems, but this is one of your best works yet! I think that this was really neat, and it made me wonder what inspired it.
Good Job Daddy!!
HyperActiveFreak17
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Encore, Encore
hahaha I love it, like all your other stuff I've read so far...
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Nice little rhyme at the end. Quite like it.
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It's really good. I loved it. :]
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I liked it and have a poem of the same name yours is more vivid though. I like how you described the narrator, very interesting and enjoyable. Great job
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QUITE GOOD
Again, I hesitate to change or comment on poetry...but this is so good it deserves just a few ironings to smooth it a little. Since you asked, my suggestions would include the following:
P1 is excellent. P2 I would lose the second "of." You really don't need it and it ruins your meter.
P4 Lose "I'm." You do not need it.
P5 "Who" = which. This should be changed to be correct.
P6 Do you need "however" (you really don't)
P7..."witness and experience" is a mouthful...can you come up with just ONE word to encompass both? Or...lose one of these.
Less is more.
P9 I would use "blown by WINDS" (instead of "the wind")Again, less unwieldy...and even the meaning is somewhat enhanced. Certainly doesn't suffer.
P10...Lose "slowly"...You really do not need this word.
Otherwise........great job. REALLY! Verygood effort...fine piece!
GA
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Awww Verry sweet!!! ^_^
You write amazing and beautiful things!!
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very cool josh
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Beautiful,
"I,
However,
Dream of being taken
By the sea"
So soothing ,words are calm and perfect. though poem is yours Mr.Alvarez but seems you discribed my state of mind ..i think everybody feel same and you discribed it so beautifully...well done dear...marvolous job.
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wow interesting and very nice
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Hey
I thought it was very good. It was very passionate and showed that you are a human being that can show emotions.
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I like it!
I hate poems. But not this one. It took me far far away...
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wow.I don't know what to say.
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