Echos in a Broken Heart - part 1

She reached her hands high clutching at the darkness. Her face lifted to the moon while silent tears fell to the grass where she knelt.1

Her quiet sobs shoke her shoulders as she searched for an answer in the heavens. People never saw her cry, the did not think it was possible for girl like Huyana to show much emotion. Did they not understand that behind that mask was someone in pain, suffering from scars unseen. She had the perfect life, a loving family, friends who 'cared', God....2

....she knew God, "are we okay God, you and me are we okay?" Huyana trembled, she had doubted before but not like this, this was real, this was personal. 3

Hands back on her knees she shivered, the nights were getting cooler but she didn't not want to go in the house, she didn't want to face reality again. "God.." there was nothing to say, her feelings could not be expressed into words, nor even understandable thoughts. Huyana wondered if all of it was in her head, maybe all the bad things that happened had been imagined, maybe tomorrow she would wake up from her silent nightmare. She threw her head back a let out a goan, she felt so alone yet knew Someone was there. She felt something, someone like a gentle wind whispering across her face, telling her just to try a talk.4

So she wiped her face and sat cross legged, she looked across from her and pretended he sat facing her; and she began to speak.5

"My heart aches Lord, there is an unspeakable pain that pulls my feet from under me, a constent fear that someone will do it again. I don't show this to people, I only pull away. But I pull away from the ones I love. Have I given up?" Huyana brushed her hand lightly across the grass.6

"God I am not angry at the boy, and I'm not angry at you. But maybe I am, I think I am bitter. Its like I have been hurt so much that there is no turning back to the good....I feel guilty, as if I did something wrong. Have I? Why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I see it before it happened? Why God Why?....I can't stand this confustion, I just want this to be done, over, as if it never happened. But every day there is another reminder of my past nightmare. It will never go away will it Jesus?" 7

Huyana stuffed her hands in her pockets and stood up. "God please forgive me if I have sinned, I just don't know what to do." She glanced back up into the sky, then down to the ground and whispered just above a breath, "I fall Jesus, don't let me go." And she walked inside her home closing the door on the night, fearing she was closing the door on any hope.8