She had red hair. A tangle of shiny red curls, framing a face that was always laughing. Bright green eyes that danced in darkness. Long, sooty black lashes. Lashes that could trap tears.1
“Lucas?”2
I blinked, raising my head to look at the woman behind the desk. Her eyes were filled with fake concern, hidden behind rimless glasses. She offered me a box of tissues, and with a shock, I realised there were tears running down my cheeks.3
“Thanks,” I muttered dully. She smiled.4
“Were you remembering her?” she prompted. “Ever?” The sound of her name made me flinch. This woman shouldn’t have been talking about her. She didn’t know Ever. She didn’t deserve to know her, either.5
“I don’t see how it’s any of your business,” I replied, crossing my arms. She sighed, leaning back in her leather desk-chair and folding her hands together. Her soft, smiley ‘talk-to-me’ expression vanished, to be replaced by a fierce glare.6
“Look,” she said. “I know you’re only here because your parents are paying me three hundred bucks an hour to listen to your sob story. I know you’re screwed up because your best friend died - but guess what, kid? I don’t give a damn. I’ve spent weeks trying to talk to you, to help you, but you’re not giving me the chance. So I’m giving up. All I want is to get through these sessions with enough sanity to spend the profit. Got it?”7
I stared at her wordlessly.8
“Fine, play it that way. If you want to shut yourself off from the rest of the world, that’s fine by me. It just means more sessions, which equals to more money for me. Be honest though, kid, can your parents really afford this?”9
The answer was no, but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. I stood up, dropping the box of tissues on her desk. Then I turned on my heel and walked out of the office, slamming the door with enough force to knock her fancy diplomas off the wall. Mom was in the waiting room. The slam of the door made her jump.10
“Luc,” she said, practically pushing an old lady out of the way so she could hug me. “Jesus, sweetheart, what happened? You’ve only been in there ten minutes.” I shrugged her arms away, pulling back mutely. She took one look at my expression and sighed, raising a hand to her forehead.11
“Can we go home?” I asked quietly, staring at the industrial carpet. She ignored my question and strode into the psychiatrist’s office, obviously intending to battle out my case. I slumped into one of the hard plastic chairs, resigning myself to a long wait. My scuffed Converse trainers earned me a disgusted sniff from the receptionist.12
Mom returned a few minutes later, red-faced. She grabbed my arm and yanked me outside, muttering all the while about snobby doctors who think they know best.13
“That stupid woman,” she fumed. “Trying to tell me that you’re clinically depressed. You’re not depressed, sweetie, right? You’re sad, obviously… understandably, considering what happened to Everly…” She trailed off, glancing at me hesitantly. When I didn’t react, she continued. “But really, to suggest that you’re ill! That’s out of line!”14
She babbled on about the psychiatrist all the way home. The hollow pit in my stomach was momentarily filled with fleeting happiness - there wouldn’t be any more trips to the psychiatrist for me.15
* * *16
“More rice, Lucas?”17
Dad held the steaming platter precariously, angling it toward me so I could smell the spicy grains. I shook my head, my eyes flicking to the full plate before me. How was it that they hadn’t got the message yet?18
Mom and Dad shared a worried glance, a whisper passing between them about malnutrition. I picked up the fork and toyed with a piece of chicken. I could almost hear them holding their breath, waiting for me to put it in my mouth. I put the fork down without raising it to my lips. An audible sigh of defeat resounded in my ears.19
“Not hungry, honey?” Mom said brightly. Too brightly. She was falsely cheerful, trying to create the perfect scene from a family home. She was trying too hard. Dad’s laugh boomed through the kitchen, but it wasn’t humorous. Mostly it was awkward.20
“I’m sure the boy just had a big lunch, right, Luc?” he said, clapping me on the back. I winced, sure that there would be a bruise there by morning. Still, I didn’t say a word.21
And then something happened that none of us saw coming. Mom dropped her knife and fork and started to cry. Dad rushed to her side and whispered comfortingly in her ear, rubbing soothing circles on her back.22
He shot me an accusing glare, confirming my fears that it was all my fault. I sat unmoving, afraid to speak in case I made her cry harder. Her sobs echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls and resounding painfully in my mind. She started to speak through her tears.23
“Luc, please try. Can you just try and eat something? Or maybe smile? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you smile, Lucas. Please?” So long. Two weeks, three days. I could tell you the hours and minutes, as well, but who’s counting?24
“Sorry, Mom.”25
The apology surprised me. I hadn’t planned on speaking. Mom and Dad were shocked too, matching expressions of hope painted on their faces. Mom’s eyes were shining with tears, but even so they crinkled at the edges with happiness.26
“That’s alright,” she whispered. “Excuse me.” She slid off her chair and retreated into the hallway. Dad straightened up and took his seat again, nodding thoughtfully to himself. Then he fixed me with an assessing gaze.27
“You’re going to be OK, aren’t you, son?” he said confidently - for the most part, anyway. I could hear concern leaking through the carefully worded declaration. All the same, I nodded, because I knew that was what he wanted me to do.28
“Good.”29
“I miss her, Dad,” I blurted out. My eyes widened and I clapped a hand over my mouth. It was the first time I’d mentioned her since the event. Dad was just as surprised as I am.30
“Well…” he blustered, unsure of how to approach his reply. “Er… that’s understandable, Luc. But it’ll get better, I promise. You’ll feel better soon.” He didn’t say another word, choosing instead to focus on his chicken curry. 31
Without realising what I was doing, I raised the fork to my lips and started chewing on a piece of chicken. Dad’s jaw dropped a mile. I soldiered on, eating and eating until the plate was empty. It was almost like before - except before, I wouldn’t have had tears trickling down my cheeks.32
* * *33
She loved to sing. Her voice was beautiful. She could have been famous, if she really tried, but she didn’t want to become commercial. She wanted to sing for her and only her. And sometimes, she sang for me.34
Mom cancelled all of my appointments with Dr McMahon, firmly insisting that I was better off without her. The therapy wasn’t working, anyway. I was still stuck in the past.35
I found myself staring out the window one morning, watching raindrops patter onto the windowpane. I sat there for hours, unmoving, unspeaking, just watching the water trickle down the glass and fall to the ground. It was symbolic, in a way - Ever loved thunderstorms. 36
I couldn’t get her out of my head. Whenever I closed my eyes, she was there, waiting for me. Sometimes she was singing, other times she was crying. But she was always there, no matter what. I didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse.37
I’d always had a photographic memory. It had been useful for my schoolwork - tests were easy when you had a good memory. But now it seemed more like an affliction. Ever was lurking in my mind, haunting me at every chance she got.38
“Luc?”39
Mom’s head appeared around the door, a hesitant smile painted on her lips. Dark, chocolate-coloured bangs fell around her face, obscuring her eyes. I attempted to drag a smile up for her, but I couldn’t. Her face fell slightly, but only for a moment. Then the rigid, expressionless mask was back again.40
“I’m going grocery-shopping,” she told me. “Coming?” Ordinarily, I would’ve said no, but I found myself nodding and sliding off the bed. Mom’s smile was almost blinding.41
The grocery store was a short drive from our house, which I was thankful for. I still wasn’t up to long car rides. Mom pulled into a parking spot with ease and stepped out of the car, beckoning for me to follow.42
As I was opening my door, I froze. On a low wall near the entrance, a red-haired girl sat. She was laughing, tossing her head back so that the dark red curls bounced on her shoulders. She was the spitting image of Ever. And she was alone. I stared at her, unable to move. She looked at me, smiled, and in the blink of an eye she had disappeared.43
“Lucas?”44
The smile that Mom had worn since I’d left the house had disappeared. She was worried now, afraid that I was going to break down. I very nearly did.45
“Sorry, Mom,” I said, shaking my head a little and blinking a few times. “Just drifted off for a bit. Let’s go.”46
I held my breath as we passed through the sliding doors, sure that the Ever-ghost was going to appear again and scare the living daylights out of me. But she didn’t, and for some reason, a small part of me was disappointed.47
I couldn’t let Mom see that, though. She was so sure I was doing better. Maybe I was, but I wasn’t on the road to recovery yet. I still counted days. Three weeks exactly, to the date. But I’d come a long way since Mom’s breakdown at dinner. I ate my meals now. I talked to my parents. I was slowly getting better. I was starting to learn how to handle it. At least, I thought I was.48
* * *49
The sunlight filtered through the trees, making dappled shadows on the ground. I watched them, mesmerised, wondering where I was. A soft, familiar laugh echoed through the clearing.50
“You’re early, Luc.”51
I froze and looked around, searching for the face I missed. She stepped through the trees, smiling so wide I thought her face would burst. Her eyes were twinkling, but they weren’t the bright, dancing green I remembered. They had dulled, and with a jolt I realised they were the same colour as the forest floor. She waved a slender hand in front of my face, giggling.52
“Earth to Lucas! Wakey, wakey!” Her voice was like music to my ears. After three long weeks, it was heaven just to see her. I flew at her, wrapping my arms around her neck in a constricting hug. She hugged me back, tighter than I would have expected.53
“Hey, I missed you too,” she whispered softly.54
“Ever,” I sighed, burying my face in her neck. “You’re back. You’re really, really back.” She pulled away from me, slipping through my arms like air. Her smile was uneasy now, as if she had something to hide.55
“It’s too early, Luc,” she said. “You have to wait a little bit longer, but I’m going to be back. I promise.” I opened my mouth to protest, to tell her that I couldn’t let her leave again. I never got the chance.56
Ever’s skin paled, and with horror, I realised that blood was dripping from her arms. It welled from wide, oddly-shaped cuts, strategically placed on her wrists, the insides of her elbows, the edge of her shoulder. She started to speak, but her words were drowned out by the steady stream of blood that had begun to drip from her lips. Her eyes filled with tears, and right before my eyes, Ever started to fade.57
I woke up gasping, dripping with sweat and tears. The nightmare was still fresh in my mind, replaying over and over again until I couldn’t take it anymore. I huddled in a ball on my bed, whispering her name to myself. 58
“Ever,” I murmured. “Ever, Ever. Oh, Ever.” She came back, I reminded myself fervently. I was sure that it wasn’t an ordinary nightmare. It was ridiculous to think that it was a prophecy, a glimpse into the future - Ever was dead. She couldn’t come back to me.59
“Who says?”60
I jolted upward, my eyes darting around the room. I’d heard her, I was sure of it. She was here. She had to have been. After twenty minutes of searching, though, I had to admit defeat. Even if she had been there, she was gone. I lay down in bed once more and closed my eyes, praying that I wouldn’t be plagued by nightmares.61
Just before I drifted off, I felt a light touch on my cheek and heard a soft, familiar laugh, floating away on the wind.
Author notes
This is just something I've been playing around with for a while. It's a little slow at the moment, but it'll get better, trust me. I'd love some feedback on it, so if you read, please comment 
Also, the word count is wrong - this is actually 2195 words
In a list
- Young Authors group list • next in list
A contest entry
- The Random Writing contest by AthenazeBeauty.
150 points, ended September 30, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! ENTER! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
325 points, ended October 15, 99 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Stories and Poems by lesbian-in-love.
200 points, ended October 14, 47 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Supernatral/ Vampires / Magic - All that kind of stuff xD by Hexen.
300 points, ended October 2, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Think You Can Do It? by Cold Wonder.
140 points, ended October 16, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything - CRITIQUE Contest by amanda vampiress.
175 points, ended October 30, 44 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - I Want Anything by Lost Soul 12.
100 points, ended October 12, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Best Progules or chapter stories!!! by hsmlover1.
170 points, ended October 13, 39 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Anything that you want to enter... by BuffyTheVampSlayer.
400 points, ended October 27, 49 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Heart breaker by CutsThatDontBleed.
125 points, ended October 27, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - New Perspective by slyly annonymous.
400 points, ended November 1, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SURPRISE! SURPRISE! LOOK INSIDE TO FIND OUT THE SURPRISE! by XxSceneTristanxX.
160 points, ended November 27, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Would you read on?
Comments
-
5 stars!!
I LOVED IT.I could read that whole story! and I'm a usually picky reader! -
Wow
-
Wonderful
Well this was not boring or slow at all. I personally loved it, and I can't wait to see more. You show such vivid imagery. It's fantastic.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Wow, I think this is of a professional level! I first saw this ages ago, but I never read past the mealtime scene until now (not because I got bored, because I was busy).
I'm going to try to find some constructive criticism, because you've obviously put a lot of effort in, so I don't just want to leave a 'This is good' comment.
Point 1 - 'An audible sigh of defeat' seemed at first a bit over-stressed to me. But on second thoughts, it's fine.
Point 2 - 'The grocery store was a short drive from our house, which I was thankful for. I still wasn’t up to long car rides.' If I was writing this, I'd add a dash instead of a full stop, seen as they're both independent clauses related to each other. Not that your way makes much difference in the scheme of things.
That's all I could think of!
Good luck with the rest of your story... -
-
Hey, thanks for the awesome comment! I'm catching up on all of my comments, so I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to read it!
-
-
Sure
-
-
-
A good story.
The sunlight filtered through the trees, making dappled shadows on the ground. I watched them, mesmerised, wondering where I was. A soft, familiar laugh echoed through the clearing.50
“You’re early, Luc.”51
I froze and looked around, searching for the face I missed. She stepped through the trees, smiling so wide I thought her face would burst. Her eyes were twinkling, but they weren’t the bright, dancing green I remembered. They had dulled, and with a jolt I realised they were the same colour as the forest floor. She waved a slender hand in front of my face, giggling.52
“Earth to Lucas! Wakey, wakey!” Her voice was like music to my ears. After three long weeks, it was heaven just to see her. I flew at her, wrapping my arms around her neck in a constricting hug. She hugged me back, tighter than I would have expected.53
Good description and the likes. However you use, I andshe alot. Try and find other words to change the story. -
-
Hi, thanks for your comment I'm glad that you liked it. I did notice that myself, actually - I'll definitely try to fix it when I have time. Thanks again!
-
-
Wow this is really good.
I'd love to read more and see what happens next.
You're a really good writer.
and you're wrong: I don't think it's slow.
It's simply interesting.
Good work!
-
Wow.
I was so engulfed with this masterpiece that I didn't realize it's way past my bedtime.
Hahaha..
I loved it.
You have a marvelous way with words and very descriptive too..
And I'd be pleased to read even more of this!!
I think it was brilliant and just very well written.
Can't wait to read more!
~~Amy..
-
brill!!
i don't think this is slow at all..i was really engrossed by it. good work!!
-
This is really beautiful, I'd like to read more. It's sad and full of emotion, it gained my attention from begining to end. Great job, excellent story =]
-
Wow this was terrific! It reminded me of a story called evergrey I think that's what it's called. Is this some how a fan fiction on it or something? Hmmm either way loved the story!!! thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!1
-
Heey...
I'm very sorry about this, but I'm going to have to DQ your entry... I DID write int he rules that the word limit is 2000, and I know this is only 100 ish words over that, but it is still over the limit, and it's not fair of me to DQ others for being over, and not yours. Very dreadfully sorry about this. I hope you understand.
Regards,
Stevie -
Wow, this is really really good. It has a lot of great description. Cant wait to read more!
-
I liked it
I was expecting whiny teen prattle because of the title Ever but then I started reading and didn't want to stop. You paint a very vivid portrait of your characters which is nice. And just when you start to think, 'this is depressing' a ghost pops in and makes you think, 'hmm. whats going on here?'
-
Wow this is an amazing story the plot is unique, and you put so much emotion into it. You make it seem so easy. This story was sad, but very beautiful. Great Story
-
its a really amazing story.
has a different plot than other stories i have read.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
this is amazing the best i've read on here so far! i cant wait to find out what happens.
-
um, YEAH
i liked it. I mean, yea it was sad ( :[ ) but it was well placed tgethr and evrything! ur an awesome writr!!! YEA!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
Very good start but you need to be careful.
I've smelt the salt and woken up and now i know what to look for in a good novel. You're not quite there yet but definitely well on your way. The wording is brilliant, which isn't something a lot of novelists pull off well, but you need to ensure you don't make the chapter exude just one emotion.
I'd suggest altering this ending a bit. When you're done with this, you're probably going to end up doing that, as do most writers, because the first chapter can make or break you. The concept of returning dead people has been a favorite of many writers and you'll have to ensure originality in everything you make Ever do. Right now, though, it's hard to differentiate between yours and several other stories I've read but that's actually fine. It doesn't matter if you make the latter events different enough.
I'm curious about the way Everly died. o__o Definitely good work on that last dream with her bleeding all over. Ignites sure curiosity and that is the essence of the intro chapter.
Keep it up.
*hearts; HT
-
this story needs a lot of work
-
suppaa
OK i love it. You took emotions and put them in words. It was so beutiful.... -
The start off of the Story was a bit weird, but I agree with others. Your Writing is great, not Professional, as I believe We all aren't, but really good and the Story is quite interesting so far
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
You're a good writer. Better than good, fabulous. It's amazing how you convey emotion so well in words. It seems effortless.
-
Wow, this was very good I liked it. Cant wait to see what happens as the story progresses. you are a good writer. I think many can relate to your story. very nice job.
-
its good. realy gud, cnt wait to read more!
-
I read up to the 27th paragraph and realized that this is maybe one of the best stories I have EVER read on here. I just realized you were in my contest, so what a good coincedence! Okay, I'm going to finish reading your excellent story! I loved the way you told bits and pieces about her after every ***. A couple minor errors though.
Para. 3: is 'I realised there were tears running' it should be 'I realized there were tears running'
Beginning of Para. 32: is 'Without realising what I was doing' it should be 'Without realizing what I was doing'
Para. 43: is 'in the blink of an eye she had disappeared' it should be 'in the blink of an eye, she had disappeared'
Para. 50: is 'I watched them, mesmerised, wondering where I was' it should be 'I watched them, mesmerized , wondering where I was'
Para. 52: is 'a jolt I realised they were the same colour' it should be 'a jolt I realized they were the same colour'
Para. 57: is 'I realised that blood was dripping from her arms' it should be 'I realized that blood was dripping from her arsm'
I would love for you to possibly expand on this story! Great, great, great story!
-
That was so good. I'm going through the death of my friend so this I can connect with. I really loved it. Please, do continue.
-
:O :O :O :O
omg!!! when will you write more????? it's not slow at all!! actually, it almost could be a little slower if it were going to be a book! but omg fantastic!!
-
-
<
Thanks for your comment! If you want to read more, Chapter 2 is up now
~ Leah
-
Adding your comment:
