A Good Life

1

"Don't die on me, Barb. I can't live without you." Frank leaned over his wife. She'd been steadily getting worse. She'd lost most of her ability to talk, and she even didn't recognize him from time to time. "You don't know how hard it is, to watch you, and the boys... I don't know what to tell them."2

She patted his hand weakly. "I... Love you." She got out hoarsely before closing her eyes. A single tear fell from Frank's eye. He stayed with her through the night as she steadily got worse. 3

~~4

Pappa held Mamma's hand for the last time. The doctors could do nothing. Little William watched but didn't understand. Mamma was gonna give him a little sister but none ever came. Pappa said Mamma was leaving too. Pappa always looked sad now. 5

"Pappa?" William made a small sound but pappa didn't hear, he wanted to go to pappa but Ray held his hand.6

"No, William, wait for pappa." Ray, his big brother, was smart. If he said to wait, he would listen. The white walls of the hospital did not console him but his brother's arm around his shoulder helped.7

~~8

"Pappa?" William turned to Ray. "Why hasn't pappa come?"9

"I don't know." Neither boy understood, nor could. They didn't even understand why pappa hadn't talked or moved for many days. Aunt Anna said he had a broken heart. William didn't understand that, but Aunt Anna said it was when you loved someone so very much that when they're gone you can not think about anything but them. William supposed he understood that. He thought about Mamma a lot, but he wasn't sitting in a chair all day not eating or playing with them. 10

Aunt Anna had taken the boys to her farm. It was near the school where she taught. He liked her. She was not mean and helped to teach him how to read. He still missed his parents. He'd begun to forget their faces, and that scared him. He didn't sleep much.11

~~12

William sat behind grandfather Mathias waiting for the photographer's flash. He didn't know why he was there, everything was so confusing. His grandfather hardly even spoke English. Aunt Anna had to translate everything for him and she wasn't even his real aunt. Grandfather was the only family he had now, well his brother Ray, he'd always have Ray; they were inseparable, they were all each other had. 13

Ever since mom died giving birth to his stillborn baby sister, and his dad died not long after, he felt lost. Ray wasn't much better off, but they kept each other company. 14

It was a big deal that they were in an actual studio to take a family portrait. He'd never be able to take a picture with his parents, but he knew grandfather would like it. He thought grandfather wanted to look important with his long pipe and grim expression. William tried to imitate it, but Ray poked him and he could hardly hold in a giggle before the flash blinded him.15

~~16

William sat nervously across from Greta. Tony, Ray and his girl Hasseltine brought her in and they introduced William to this strange city girl just a few minutes ago. Lincoln was a big city and he'd just started to become used to the idea of living outside of farms. The others sat at a booth not too far away and Ray gave him the thumbs up.17

Greta looked up at him and smiled shyly. There was something about that smile that endeared her to him. Somehow he felt easy with her. As he talked and shared the malt with her, he realized he no longer felt so lost. 18

~~19

"What's wrong, Ray?" Bill sat down next to his grieving brother who shrugged.20

"Wish mom was here."21

"You can tell me." Bill felt a little affronted that his brother even mentioned their mother, they didn't even know her.22

"You're not a girl. You wouldn't understand."23

"Come on, what about Hasseltine-" he saw the expression on his brother drop even lower. "Oh no," he said softly and put an arm around Ray.24

"Tony stole her from me," Ray wept.25

"I'm sorry, Ray. I should have seen it coming."26

"Yeah, me too." He wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Not gonna tell me there's other fish in the sea?"27

"Maybe there is; Greta says Lucy always had an eye on you."28

"No, I'll never love another."29

"Give it time, Ray. You never know."30

"You should marry her."31

"Greta?"32

"Yeah, she's a great gal. Marry her now before you lose her too."33

Bill thought about it; it didn't take much effort. He knew he loved her, and he knew she was the only one he was comfortable with. She couldn't boil water, but she made his heart blaze at the thought of her. Mom would no doubt approve of her. "Maybe I will."34

~~35

I put down the photograph. Popo looked so happy there in the photo. Oh he had a grim expression, but it showed in his eyes. I set it down next to the death certificate of Maxine, his sister. We'd done research going to the courthouses in the cities where my family was buried and looking at grave sites. It was surprising to my mother to learn that his baby sister wasn't buried with their mother like she thought. It wasn't just this that came as a surprise to us.36

She had died two days after birth, not right after childbirth as they'd told my grandfather. They'd lied to him so much. His mom died of a brain tumor when he was six and dad died in an insane asylum, presumedly he was in there for depression. At least that much was true, he probably really did die of a broken heart. 37

Aunt Anna's farm was now nothing but a cow pasture and a few stones marking where the house had once been. What had it been like to grow up without parents? To live and eventually let it go?38

I fingered another photograph of my grandparents old and wrinkly and happy. I was always so scared of him as he was in this picture; he was big, gruff, and yelled a lot at us kids. I never believed when my mom tried to tell me he was really a teddy bear. 39

But looking back at that little boy, I identified with him so much. The pain and fear, the loneliness and in there somewhere: hope for the future. Why didn't I see that in him when I was a child? Maybe because he'd grown past it. He'd found my grandmother, got married, was an engineer on trains for most of his life. He was happy. Despite all the hardships he went through growing up, Popo really did have a good life.40

I know he must have felt abandoned by his father (another thing I could sympathize with) but I think he came to accept it and even understand the love his father must have felt for his mother.41

I knew this as I remembered how he looked at momo. I never paid attention to it before and being scared of him, I didn't think he could love, but the subconscious remembers everything. He loved her with all his heart and probably would have went mad without her. It is one family trait I'm proud to say I have. The loyalty and ability to love forever is a pure treasure. 42

~~43

He waved good bye to Ray. He loved his brother but the job opportunity was too good. Besides he had Greta now and Ray had Lucy. Ray would be all right too. William squeezed Greta's hand and kissed her on the forehead. "Let's go," he said quietly and took one last look at the farm saying good-bye to his parents in his heart at the same time.44