Weeping Wrists

Weeping wrists1

Love is painful2

Book 13

Chapter 14

Home, sweet home5

My life sucks, it really does.6

I’m in my car, going to Ohio, I sighed and drifted off into a deep dreamless sleep, 7

“Caity, Caity wake up” mom whispered from the front seat, my eyelids fluttered open, 8

“We’re here hun” she said with a sad smile, I sighed and got out of the car, I would miss England, so much.9

The house was big, my dad was helping my mom – uh, step-mom – with the bags, I took my only bag, the one with my clothes in it, I think a truck came by last week with all our stuff, mom walked over where I was standing and handed me a set of keys, she hugged me, 10

“It will be okay honey, now, go to sleep, you have school tomorrow” she said soothingly, she hadn’t wanted to move here either.11

I walked carefully to the front door, it was dark, probably nine, but I wasn’t sure, and I 12

didn't know how the American timing worked. I walked to the door and unlocked it, I stepped in, our furniture was in there, and at least I knew my room would be set up. I went to the second floor; I opened at least five doors before I found my room.13

In my room, my posters were up, my laptop was there, so was my new bed, the walls where white, and the carpet a dark crimson color, at least my room was cool. I lay down on the bed, thinking of what people would say tomorrow; 14

“Oh, look, there's an emo” someone would say. 15

“Well yeah, I mean just look at her” their friend would say back.16

Others would probably stick to the England jokes like;17

“Did you have a butler?” some stupid jock would ask.18

Or, “Do you eat fish and chips?” I sighed and went to sleep.19

“Caitlin, wake up!” my dad yelled, I groaned, it couldn’t be morning already! I was so tired! I dragged myself out of my bed and went to my bags – which I had not unpacked yesterday – I grabbed a pair of purple skinny jeans and a black ‘Nightmare before Christmas’ tee.20

I went to the bathroom, took a short shower, and got dressed, I blow dried my black and red highlighted hair, straightened it, and put some eyeliner on; I knew I was really pale, probably more than most people here. I got out of the bathroom and went to the kitchen, my parents were gone, they had to work really early and they also came back late, I didn't mind, it was like having my own place.21

I ate some breakfast, got my bag, and headed out, I had to walk, school wasn’t supposed to be far from my house, only a couple of blocks away, I started walking when some guy yelled at me, I stiffened, but it wasn’t what I’d expected him to say,22

“you're going the wrong way” he said, I turned, a couple of feet from me, an amazingly cute guy was staring at me, he had black straight hair and midnight-blue side bangs, he had green eyes, and the cutest smile, he also had snake bites – lip rings – he was wearing black skinny jeans and a black tee that said ‘vampires suck’ in red with a little drop of blood in between.23

“You’re going the wrong way” he repeated, he walked towards me.24

“I’m Connor” he looked down at me, he was only inches away,25

“And school’s that way” he nodded his head the opposite way to where I was going, I just stared, 26

“Oh” I said, was that the best I could come up with? 27

“I’m sorry, my name is Caitlin” I said, that was more likely, he nodded, we were now walking towards the school,28

“So you just moved uh?” he asked, I frowned, then asked,29

“How’d you know?” I asked, then smacked my forehead with my hand, duh!30

“The accent” we both said, he laughed, so did I, his smile was just beautiful, don’t blush, I told myself, don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blu…,31

“You’re cute when you blush” he said, damn it! I looked away; he broke the awkward silence,32

“So, I see you're my new neighbor” he said, I looked up, we were now in front of the school gate, 33

“Oh, yeah, that’s cool, at least I have someone to talk to when my parents are gone” I said, then frowned, 34

“What?” he asked, I shrugged,35

“No, its just that, now that I think about it, my parents are never home, not even today, they left early, and they usually come late from work, it was always like that.” I said, he nodded, 36

“My parents are the same” he said starring at the floor, then looked up, his eyes were lit up, 37

“At least we have each other now” I said, then hid my face, why did I just say that for?! He smiled,38

“At least I have someone to hang out with” he said excitedly, I frowned, 39

“What do you mean?” I asked, was he telling me he had no friends what so ever? He raised an eyebrow then shook his head, 40

“Wait till you see the people in here” he said, then we entered school.41

I immediately understood what he had meant about the people here, my mouth was wide open, and I felt utterly disgusted, this was horrible! There was pink everywhere, that was the first thing I noticed, jocks, preps and the usual nerds, but most shocking of all, no ‘Goths’, ‘emo’ kids, ‘scene’ kids, ‘rockers’, ‘skaters’, nothing, not even ‘druggies’. This, was a snob school. I groaned so loudly, that some people turned around, Connor nodded in agreement; I wondered how much time he’d had to stand this alone. 42

We really stood out, me with my purple skinnies and my black and red hair, and him with his snakebites, – no one except the girls had piercings here, oh, and the only had two! One on each ear, can you believe it? – And his vampire tee, oh and of course, his blue side bangs, my thoughts were racing inside my mind, wondering how he’d survived without friends, though, I wouldn’t have wanted any friends from this school, everything was quiet until some one shouted what I’d expected, well, more or less, 43

“look, everyone, the emo’s got a girlfriend” I blushed, and strangely, so did he, some people laughed, some people just gawked, I believe someone even took a picture, the phrase ‘take a picture It’ll last longer’ raced through my head’. Connor grabbed my hand – I know! He actually took my hand – and led me out of the crowd of people, what a nice, first day.44

Chapter 245

My best friend 46

Connor led me to the main office, there he got my, uh, what did he call it? Oh, yeah, my schedule, what a weird name, its easier to call it timetable, at least you understand what it is, I had heard of that name before, I just hadn’t really cared, it now made me feel a bit stupid and ignorant.47

Connor looked at the piece of paper – schedule – and he smiled, 48

“This, is, so, cool!” he shouted, I jumped up, startled,49

“What?” I asked, a bit concerned, he smiled,50

“we have the exact same schedule” he said, that made me smile, the fact that he was so thrilled to be around me, well, it was obvious he would want to be around me, we understood each other, and I was his one and only friend.51

The nice lady in the office, which Connor seemed to know very well, told him that we could have a free day so that he could give me a tour around the school and explained how everything worked in America, so we had a day free of classes, and we could walk around talking all day, that seemed perfect to me.52

“There's something I want to show you” he said, very mysterious, I smiled, and nodded,53

“Consider this as a V.I.P part of the tour” he said, then he smiled, I wondered where we were going, but I didn't question him, I just followed, this time, he led me to the third floor of the building, there, we walked all the way to the end of a small hallway. 54

We were standing in front of a door, it seemed like an old supply closet, Connor pulled out a set of keys from his pocket, picked one out and handed it to me, I frowned, he sighed, rolled his eyes then put the key in my hand,55

“Open the door” he said, I did, I grasped the key, then opened the door, it was a bit small, but we both fitted comfortably in the small room. There was a small sofa for two people, some posters of bands, a mini-fridge, a small coffee table and a bookcase, it looked like a really – and I mean really – small teacher lounge, I starred at him, he shrugged, 56

“My aunt’s the principal, she understands I don’t have anyone – didn't – so she gave me this as a birthday present, no one except me, and you” he said nodding to my hand, 57

“Can get in here” he finished, my mouth popped open, this was just amazing, 58

“Wow, Connor, this, is so cool!” I said, he laughed, 59

“Speaking like a true American” he said, and I laughed, he closed the door so that if someone was wondering the halls, they wouldn’t see his – I mean, our - little escape room, I slumped down on the couch, he sat next to me and reached out to the fridge, 60

“Want something to drink?” he asked, I nodded, he handed me a Diet Coke and took one for himself, after a minute, I sighed, he looked up,61

“What?” he asked, I shook my head, then grimaced, 62

“I suppose we can’t come here every day, can we?” I asked a bit disappointed, he laughed, he sounded relieved, I didn't know why, 63

“We can try” he said, then he shrugged, “that’s your key” he continued, “you can come here whenever you want” he said, then for some reason he looked at my arm, I frowned with disapproval, knowing what he was looking for,64

“I don’t do that!” I nearly yelled, he blushed, then I felt bad for acting so rude, he was just checking, he didn't know me at all, 65

“I'm sorry” I said, he shook his head, “Nah, I’m the one that should be sorry, I just wanted to see if you had weeping wrists” he said, that caught my attention, 66

“Uh, British girl here, can you explain what weeping wrists mean?” I asked completely puzzled, he smiled sadly, then sighed, 67

“Let me tell you a little about my life” he said.68

Chapter 369

Lost friend70

Connor seemed really uncomfortable; I rested my half-empty can on the coffee table, and waited for him to say something else,71

“A couple of years ago” he started, “I moved here, I was just like you, lost in a weird, alien place, I had moved from Florida though, not as interesting as England, and for all people knew here, I was just an emo” he stopped, took a deep breath, then continued, 72

“There was a girl here, her name was Roxanne, when I got here, we were in eighth grade, we became good friends, she was what you could actually call emo and don’t feel bad about it, she had many problems in her life, her dad abused her, and her mom had left her after she’d been born, my parents didn't - and still don’t – care about me, so we used to go and hide in this little tree house by this park” he stopped once more then smiled that lonely sad smile, probably remembering,73

“Soon, we became good friends, very good friends; we were in our first year of high school, when she found out that her mom was dead, she didn't care, but her dad did, he blamed Roxanne for ruining his life” he smiled a humorlessly smile, 74

“He started to beat her up” he said, I flinched, “We, well, I decided that we would run away, find a home of our own, start a family, she didn't like the idea, she didn't want to drag me down with her, I tried to convince her, until she said yes, we had it all planed, or so, I thought…” he trailed off, “what happened?” I asked, he sighed,75

“we were supposed to leave early the next morning, but when I got to her house, no one came to the door, her dad always left early in the morning, so she should have answered, I remembered that there was a copy of her keys under a loose brick on the porch, I got it and opened the door, I walked up to her room, called her name, nothing.” A tear rolled down his face, I wiped it off,76

“I heard the low noise of water running, that’s when I noticed the pool of red water coming from under the bathroom door, I opened it knowing what I would find” he stopped, at this time, he was sobbing so hard that he was shaking, I leaned over and hugged him, I tried to soothe him by whispering “its okay, its alright” he dried his tears and kept going “there, in the tub, Roxanne was laying; inside the tub, there was water and blood, so much blood, there was a note on top of the toilet, and next to it, a knife, the note said; 77

Dear Connor,78

I'm really sorry that you found me like this; I know you will be the first one to find me, I just couldn’t keep going and pretending everything was fine, I love you, and I will wait for you, so don’t spill your tears over my weeping wrists.79

Love- Roxanne.”80

He said it as he’d read it a thousand times, he probably had, and I couldn’t blame him, he was shaking hard on my arms, I held him there and I sang to him, gently and low, as if it were a lullaby, I wasn’t sure what I was singing, I was just making it up, but it made him relax, 81

“that’s when my aunt got me this” he said, that was the last thing he said for about half an hour, we just sat there, me singing and him crying, until he sat up, wiped his tears, and shook his head, 82

“I'm really sorry you had to go through that” he said, I shrugged, 83

“I don’t really mind, I think you need, no, you deserve, a friend, and, well, here I am” I said, he smiled and hugged me, 84

“It’s nice to have someone, for a change” he said, then he kissed my hair, “thanks” he whispered,85

“No problem” I whispered back.86

After that he showed me the school, even the boring parts - like the classrooms – he told me everything about our teachers, we didn't even want to talk about the kids here, from now on, it was Caitlin and Connor, C & C, we didn't need any other friends.87

For a moment, while we were talking, I thought about how glad I was Roxanne was gone and couldn’t come back, and that made me feel very guilty, though, I ignored it, it was her choice to leave Connor and everything else behind, and to me, that was very, very stupid.88

Chapter 489

The park90

After class ended, we walked home together, we talked about bands, books, skateboarding, and other stuff, he came over my house, as I’d imagined, it was empty, we went up to my room, there was a note on my door, I opened it, it said;91

Caity,92

We’ll be home by 10:00 P.M, 10:30 max, better get used to it, there's food in the house, I went shopping last night, it wasn’t as late as I thought, so get yourself something to eat.93

Love- Mom.94

I sighed, grabbed the note and handed it to Connor, he read it and laughed humorlessly, I shrugged,95

“Parents” we said at unison, we talked some more, I think it was around seven P.M, and we were both lying down on my bed, he was listening to my ipod while I was playing with his hair, I sighed, 96

“Why is your hair so perfect?” I asked, he smiled and shrugged, 97

“Maybe because I’m perfect” he joked, I threw a pillow at him, he laughed, then he stopped, 98

“I want to take you somewhere” he said, I wasn’t really paying attention, I was examining his perfectly smooth and straight hair, so I just said,99

“Uh?” he turned around, leaving my hands in the air, empty, I frowned, he smiled, 100

“I said, I want, to take you, somewhere” he said, I rolled my eyes, 101

“Fine! Let’s go” I said, he started to get up, 102

“Oh, wait; can I change my clothes first?” I asked, he rolled his eyes at me then nodded, I held up a finger, 103

“Okay, wait here” I went through my bag then grabbed a pair of black skinnies to match his and a black tee with a bleeding crow on if, I went to the bathroom and changed, then reapplied my eyeliner, straightened my hair again, and tied a hot pink bow on the side, perfect. I got out of the bathroom, he had my ipod really loud and he was facing the other side so he didn't notice me, I put on my hot pink converses to match my bow and jumped next to him on the bed, at first he was surprised, then his expression changed, I frowned, I couldn’t read his face,104

“What’s wrong?” I asked, this time, he frowned, 105

“Its just, why are you so pretty?” he asked, he actually looked confused, then he just smiled, I thought he blushed a bit, but then I started to believe it was my imagination,106

“Let’s go” he said, “let’s go” I agreed, we jumped out of the bed, and I followed him outside. 107

The sky was orange; it was seven thirty something, 108

“How old are you?” I asked, he looked at me, “sixteen” he said, “you?” he added, “I’m turning sixteen in two months” I said, I felt small, 109

“Are you serious? I’m turning seventeen in two months!” he said, then he frowned,110

“We have everything the same!” he said, I didn't understand,111

“We live next to each other, we moved here, our parents don’t care, same ‘timetable’ same style, probably same birthday, and all we actually have, is each other” he said, I understood now, I nodded, he smiled,112

“What a cheerful image” he said sarcastically, I raised an eyebrow,113

“What?” I asked, puzzled, he nodded towards my shirt, oh! The shirt, I thought he was talking about our lives, which was also true, 114

“oh, it was a present from my ex… uh, never mind” I stopped, I didn't know why, but I didn't want him to know about my dead boyfriend, it was too much coincidence, Roxanne and David, no he couldn’t know, I frowned, he did too,115

“You can tell me” he said, that made me feel bad for not telling him, I’ve only known him for a day, and I already think of him as my best friend, my best and only friend, I was about to tell him when he started jumping up and down, 116

“We’re here” he screeched excitedly, I looked around, it was beautiful, it was the kind of parks you could find in England, with the benches in front of the lake and everything, it was breathtaking, the moon was shining in the water, and I could only gawk,117

“Whoa” I gasped, I’ve been to parks like this before, but there was something that made this one special, maybe the fact that Connor would want to share something like this with me, or maybe, just the fact that Connor was here with me, made it special, I wasn’t quite sure, he turned to me, 118

“Isn’t it beautiful?” he asked, I nodded, though, with him here, I was even more beautiful, I could see the reflection of the moon in his eyes, I reached out for him and hugged him tight, it was kind of awkward, the way our bodies were pressed together, shaping to our figures, but, at the same time, it felt, right, he hugged me back, we stood there, hugging, he was taller than me, my eyes reached up to his mouth, he as probably 6 feet or if not, 5.8 feet tall while I was just 5.6 feet tall I felt so fragile in his arms, though he was skinny, but his height was kind of intimidating to my short figure, he sighed,119

“Thank god you came” he said, I pulled away a couple of inches, 120

“I’m here to stay, Connor” I whispered,121

“I know, and I wouldn’t want it any other way” he said.122

Chapter 5123

Happy birthday to us124

As Connor had suspected, we did have the same birthday which was really cool, that morning I awoke to a loud knocking on my window, I was in my hello kitty Pj’s I dragged myself up and went to the window, I had a small balcony, from which I could see our park – me and Connor’s – I loved the view. 125

I opened the door, and to my surprise, Connor was there, standing in my balcony with a bag in one hand, and a box in the other, he set the down on the little table next to the chairs, - which were in my BALCONY!!! – And hugged me, 126

“Happy birthday” he said, I starred at him astonished, “what are you doing?” I asked, he frowned, 127

“What? No happy birthday to me?” he asked, I smiled, 128

“I’m sorry, happy birthday you silly boy, now what are you doing?” I asked once more, he shrugged, I sighed,129

“Connor, you have the key to my house, why on earth would you climb the balcony?” I asked, he looked down sheepishly, I frowned,130

“I couldn’t come through the front door, I would wake up your parents” he said, I starred, mouth wide open, 131

“Connor, what time is it?” I asked, he blushed, 132

“Five thirty?” he said, I knew he wasn’t asking, I sighed and shook my head, then noticed he was in his Pj’s too, and he was freezing, 133

“Get your behind in here before it gets frozen” I said, he smiled, then he took the bag and the box and came inside the room, I closed the doors and went to sit on my bed, 134

“I got cake” he said, I laughed and raised an eyebrow, 135

“Isn't it a bit early for cake?” I asked, he shrugged, “it’s always a good time for cake”, he said, that I couldn’t argue with, 136

“Here” he said handing me the bag, “happy birthday” he repeated, I smiled, took the bag then sat it down next to me, I reached next to my bed and got a bag that had my present for him, “Happy birthday” I said, he took it, 137

“Let’s open it at the same time” he said, I nodded,138

“one, two, three…” we opened the bags, inside mine, there was a notebook, it wasn’t just any notebook, it had a black leather cover and the pages had a silver rim, it was amazingly beautiful, some tears escaped my eyes, he knew how much I loved to write, I didn't even let him see what I got him, I jumped on him, tackled him, we fell on the floor, I hugged him so hard I knew I was chocking him, 139

“Oh, thank you Connor, thank you, thank you, thank you” I said, my arms were around his shoulders, and he was holding my waist, he wrapped his arms around it, then pulled me closer, at first I didn't understand what he was doing, “did I ever tell you how much I love that accent?” he said with a grin on his face, I shook my head, I was now laying on top of him, he reached out and our lips met, I couldn’t believe it! Connor, who had been my friend for two months, who had trusted me, told me everything, he was my best friend, my only friend, and I loved him, I loved him so much, I relaxed and kissed him back, he deepened the kiss, made it last longer, after a while, he pulled away, 140

“Happy birthday kitty” he whispered, I smiled and kissed him once more, 141

“Happy birthday” I said.142

We went to the movies and to our park, we ate cake, and Connor got to open his present at the end of the day, everything was perfect, his parents actually got him a car! How amazing is that? My parents gave a new TV and money, since they never knew with me, Connor promised to take me shopping in his new car next weekend, it was the best birthday ever. 143

By the time we got home, it was at least nine o’clock, we went to my room to watch a movie in my new TV, we didn't really watch it actually, we spent most of the time talking, neither of us mentioned the kiss, but I wanted him to, I wanted to know if he really liked me that way, so I tried my luck, I wasn’t going to kiss him, but I could make him see that I wanted to.144

I moved closer and wrapped my arms around him, that’s when I noticed how cold I really was, I was shivering, he took me in his arms and sat me on his lap, I pressed my head against his chest, 145

“You're shivering” he told me, I nodded, I looked up to see if he was looking at me, he was, I wrapped my arms around his neck, he had one hand in the small of my back and another one on my neck, the room was dark, only the TV was on, which didn't provide much light, he kissed me, and I kissed back, this kiss was different, there was more emotion into it, and we knew what to expect this time, his lips were sweet, and he was such a good kisser, it sent shivers down my spine, and not because I was cold, I wasn’t cold anymore, I would never be cold again, 146

“I love you kitty, I’ve loved you since I first met you” he said, those word made my heart melt, 147

“I love you too Connor, I truly do” I said, then we kissed again, it wasn’t until we heard the door downstairs that we stopped, we turned the light on and pretended to watch the movie, my parents said hi and told Connor he had to be gone by twelve, he said it was no problem, after we knew my parents had gone to sleep, we started kissing again, it was the best birthday ever. 148

Chapter 6149

Lonely forever150

Connor kept his promise about taking me shopping, we went to the mall, it wasn’t as big as the ones in England, but it’ll do, we spent the whole day walking around the stores hand in hand, boyfriend and girlfriend.151

His car was really cool, a black Mercedes, I loved those cars. After three hours of shopping and a quick meal at Taco Bell, we headed home, he was driving with one hand and holding one of mine in his other hand, we talked about the past and how good our lives were right now, but I think our time living the good life was over,152

“Connor! Watch out!” I yelled, a black Jeep was coming towards us at an amazing speed he tried to turn, but it was too late, the car hit sideways, where Connor was sitting, I could feel his blood on my face, he was still holding my hand, he was still alive, I knew his other arm was trapped, so he couldn’t drive, or do anything, I took the steering wheel and actually drove a bit away from the other car, the man from the other car ran out and came over me to get us out, he opened my door and undid my seatbelt, he tried to pull me out, but I wouldn’t go, I was still holding Connors hand, I was not going to leave, I kicked Connors door as hard as I could and I freed his arm, I told the man to get him, he ran to the other side and opened the door, and I let go of Connors hand. 153

The man carried Connor far away from the cars, he put him on the grass and called 911, I grabbed Connors hand, and checked for his pulse, I couldn’t find it, I started crying and checked his neck, no pulse,154

“I can’t find his pulse!” I screamed, from one of the two cars that had pulled up in the drive way after the accident came a woman, she said she was a nurse, she checked, then shook her head, I did not let go of his hand, I repeated myself, I never did, he was alive when I got out of the car, I knew it, now, he was gone, he couldn’t be,155

“They can still save him” she said, I looked up, “whom?” I asked, she nodded towards the ambulance that was pulling up next to the two cars, I hadn’t noticed it before, I hadn’t heard the ambulance coming,156

“The paramedics” she said. They came and took Connor and me inside the ambulance, I didn't let go of his hand, they said he still had a chance of surviving, they took us to the hospital, where they made me let go of his hand, his parents were there, so were mine, I ignored my parents and went to sit by Connors mom, I held her hand, as if I were some connection to him, we sat there, for what seemed like a year, I held his mothers hand, and I cried.157

An hour later a doctor with a grim face came out of the E.R, I knew what was coming,158

“I am very sorry, but unfortunately, Connor did not make it” he said, I let go of the woman’s hand and ran out, I ran home, I took the notebook Connor had given me just a week before, I took a pen, I ran to our park, it seemed empty, it seemed ugly without him, I didn't like it, not one bit, I ran back home, and I sat inside my tub, I opened my notebook, inside, there was a note,159

Kitty,160

You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I love you, I will never forget you, not even if I die, and if I ever do, I will wait, Roxanne’s probably waiting, but I will wait for you, she’ll forgive me, I know it. However, if you die before me, which I hope not, you better wait for me, I love you, I will always love you. 161

Sincerely- Connor162

I cried, I cried until my eyes were aching, I turned and got a new piece of paper, I left it open and ran to the kitchen, I grabbed a knife, then went back to the bathroom, I cut my wrist, then grabbed the pen and wrote ‘Weeping wrists’ at the top, then made another cut on my wrist, I wrote, and cut, cut and wrote, then I just laid there, in the tub, bleeding to death, with my weeping wrists, hoping that I would find Connor wherever I did go.163

Weeping wrists164

My wrists cry red,165

Only ‘because my eyes won’t cry tears.166

I scream and scream,167

But no one ever hears.168

My hearts got a permanent scar169

Of which no one can heal,170

My eyes pour crimson, 171

Only ‘because my eyes won’t pour water172

My life in tatters, 173

Only ‘because you were taken away.174

I'm going to the grave, to catch up to you someday.175

So don’t spill your tears over my weeping wrists. 176