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2194 - 6 years ago2
I sat hunched over the console, staring at the twisting spiral diagram projected in flickering blue light infront of me. I pressed a few buttons on the console, the diagram changed subtley. I pressed another button, there was a breif pause as the system assembled the virus from bio-gell (a blend of base protiens and other basic building blocks for life). The holographic display switched from the DNA diagram to a full 3D representation of the events in the test enviroment.3
I watched in frustration as the simulated immune system destroyed my virus for the 100th time. I sighed and sterilzed the test enviroment, and returned to scrutinising the DNA of my virus. Abrubtly a klaxon sounded. "Okay, that's the end of the lesson, homework is to see if you can design a virus to defeat this simulation.
I transfered the data onto a Holographic Storage Chip, powered off my console and filed out of the class.4
***5
I sat back in the chair, frustrated. No matter what i tried i couldnt find a way to defeat the simulation. It was late at night, my roomate was already assleep. Suddenly a new arangement for the DNA poped into my head. I made the modifications and iniated the test. As the loading bar slowly moved across the screen, my eyes blurred and I laid my head down on the desk.
***
I blinked my eyes open, Light was streaming in through the small plastic window above the console, two words were displayed on the screen in block capitals "Test Sucessfull"...
In a list
to be continued...
Comments
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You must continue this! ^_^
This is a great idea, the plot could go any number of directions. Also, I quite like the idea of simulated human biology. There's so much simulations can and could do for us.
A couple things stood out to me. One, I'm not sure 'klaxon' is the best word choice. Why not just say alarm, tone, or bell? Two, The end of the first half seems incongruous. In that last sentence you put emphasis on some things that really don't add much to the story. 'Holographic Storage Chip' could simply be 'drive' or 'storage device' without detracting from the story, and 'powered off' and 'filed out' have an awkward feel. I would suggest maybe changing the verbs there.
What I like the most is definitely the potential here. Let me know if you write more, I'd love to read it.beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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Thanks!
I hardly ever get a detailed comment, I've started work on a second chapter, although it's not finished, any input on that chapter will be apricated
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