As I Finally Understand

I remember being young.
Never thinking in a day, except being left out,
and what was on TV.
If Spongebob was new, or if Patrick had at last won an award
Because nothing else mattered,
except what I saw through the open door.1

Life is too long to be anxious, I once whispered at night
And life is too short to be mislead,
I though when I awoke the next morning.
And what would I do if I just stopped living?
I would never know,
since I would be gone for good.2

If I were to disappear, when would they stop looking?
I would run away from them, and everyone I’ve ever known.
No one would know me, I could start anew.
I could be selfish, and only I would undergo
because I wouldn’t tell.
No... I wouldn’t know.3

Sometimes it hurts to think, and others I yearn to understand
And as time flies by, I try to catch it
but it slips though my fingers, like the air that it is.
I can’t explain how much it hurts.
To my friends and family,
unraveling would be their undoing.
It would be too painful, for them and me
if they tried to untie this messy knot, if only they could see.4

As I read this, I don’t understand half that I’ve written
And I’m denying the truth of what I’m actually saying
I wont accept what there it to receive
I’m too much a coward... a ‘wimp’ to ever be...
All along I’ve known it, because I’ve heard it said
And now it’s ending, as I finally understand.5

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