Akito's Storytime #6

...1

I forget the words to that song you said you loved. It was something about broken hearts in the rain or some other cheesy thing like that. *laughs* I guess I forgot it cause it was so forgettable. ... But you always seemed so happy singing it. I won't waste my effort in trying to remember, though.2

Without any kind of hesitation I run the length of the packing tape across the box. What's inside? Old papers, badly written poems (lots of them)... the drawings of those tattoos we said we were going to get. I put the picture on the sleeve of my arm and laughed at how stupid it would have looked. I guess that's why we never went ahead with it... even though we thought it would be so cool.3

I kinda hate how I let the summer slip by me. I spent three months in this room. God, you woulda been so pissed at me! *laughs* ... ... I wish I could see you angry. Is that weird? All the pictures I have, and I do have many, are of you laughing or smiling or pulling off those goofy faces of yours. But none of them angry. I guess most people aren't too open to having their picture taken when they're mad. Remember that first fight we had? You started to yell at me and I looked at you and I just started laughing. Oh man! It just amused me so much, even in the middle of an argument, how cute you still looked with your brow furrowed like that. You hated that... but we laughed about it later.4

It's cold outside, but I don't want to close the window.5

Whenever I think that I may be hurt, whenever I start to feel it ball up in my stomach, the feeling sinks inside me. I don't wallow in the hurt. But I don't push it down either. I'm not numb. I don't lament the cruelty of love or the injustice of life. All that maudlin junk. You know i'm not that kind of person.6

I push the box under my bed.7

I'm the same. The same as I was yesterday. The same as I was last year. The same as the day we met. And most likely the same as I will be tomorrow.8

Yeah, but like I said, there were those three months though. And the pain did seem overwhelming when it really sunk into my head that you wouldn't be there anymore. Oh course that hurt... I am human after all. Coming home from the hospital that night. Just dropping my keys on the rug after I closed the door. Making my way to the bed without turning on any of the lights. I sat there in the darkness for half the night, quiet and not moving. I was so tired but I didn't want to sleep. For some reason, I don't know why, I was afraid to. ... But finally I did. And when I woke up that next day, my eyes slowly opening to that empty spot next to me.... I don't ever want to feel that again.9

But you know the kind of person I am? That kinda stuff takes too much outta me. I can't sit in that too long. So I didn't. I know you woulda liked that. So I did it for you.10

The sun's setting now. And I kinda wish I did remember the words to that song. *laughs* Maybe I should have actually listened to you.11

I pull the box from under the bed and remove the tape. 12

Maybe I will get that tattoo... even though it does look stupid.13

...14