Polonaises are Three Step Dances

The first time Othello fucks Mitsume, its on his four poster bed spread with satin and silk and wrapped with roses and devil's thorns.1

And it was a clumsy affair, with glaring giving way to scowling giving way to screaming giving way to sobbing.2

Giving way to silence.3

And he had fucked him so hard, so desperatelyroughly hard, that there were bruises riddling his elbows the next day. So brutallypainfully hard that there were blossoms blooming like ink in well water over his angled hips. So madlylovinglydisgracefully hard that there were whimpers and sobs, though no pleas, echoing violently in his ears the next day.4

And Mitsume had bitten Othello contemptuously the night before. It wasn't a love bite--no. It was a carnivorous tear. A grip and pull and glare, glare hard and unblinking, through the haze of bastard pleasure and treacherous tears.5

And: hey.6

He was smoking again, spinning twirling loops from his mouth.7

And: hey you.8

And he was itching again, itching like pestilence breeding in his lungs, all too real but too close to scratch.9

And: hey, you okay?10

X.11

The first time Yotsuba fucks Mitsume, he thinks it's better than whiskey on Tuesdays.12

And it was a diplomatic affair, with talking giving way to kissing giving way to touching giving way to gasping.13

Giving way to fucking.14

And it wasn't hard--no.15

But Mitsume cried anyway.16

X.17

And: you've been fucking Yotsuba.18

Not a question. Just a statement.19

Silence.20

And: right?21

And. Silence.22

Author notes

You don't know what this is about.

What did you think? Please comment!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • butterflyinflight
    October 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, your use of adverbs are tres strong. Not weak at all.

  • anne
    October 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    adverbs: words that describe verbs
    verbs: action words!

    what i was talking about here: "madlylovinglydisgracefully", "desperatelyroughly", "brutallypainfully"

    and i swear i only know that because my sister and i used to do those 'mad libs' things.

  • holloweyed
    October 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This will really sound dumb, but I actually don't know what adverbs are.

    Well if I tried to think REALLY HARD, I might know.

    But that's way too much to be asking for at 3am in the morning with a chemistry midterm coming up.

    I fail grammar tests.

  • anne
    October 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ruth's english prof says that adverbs are weak. but i love adverbs - especially your strings of them. i think they exceed adjectives in excellence.

  • butterflyinflight
    October 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I "don't know what this is about."

    But I love it anyway.

1 - 5 of 5