Love is an unforgiving sea of bliss
That which sets your soul ablaze
As you drown into an unfathomable utopia
Your breath cut short
You're hanging from a thread
Of rationality
The thin line between the deadly embrace
Of the crashing waves like the turmoil in your mind
And the hope of salvation, unto the barren lonely land
When the thread snapped and love was my captor
I was falling into an eternity of you
Your soft honey-sweet voice like the music of angels,
Sung me songs to guide me through the darkness
The luminescence of your eyes swept me in
Set my world alight
When I felt your hand entwine with mine
The sun burst within my heart and love flowed through my veins
Your laugh, like the joy of a baby's squeal
Wind chimes brushed by the wind
Angels singing with a joy too strong to be contained
Your laugh, it brought every smile I never had, shining to the surface
And when your lips touched mine
My senses came to life
And my heart died and went to Heaven
Author notes
---UNEDITED--
I was looking through my old writing books and found this =D I dont remember when I wrote this - maybe during the summer or before but I know it's related to one of my stories. anyway. Enjoy, I havent posted anything in a gajillion years but might as well, I havent completely died yet =3
♥For somebody special, haha, yeah I'm corny. 
~P~
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Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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wow. I could feel the emotion as if it were me who was falling in love. I think my favorite line was 'I was falling into an eternity of you' most would have said with you, the small change creates a different meaning to the sentence. It was a beautiful piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for posting it!
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This was wonderful,Really painted a picture in my mind as I was reading. Very emotional. I loved it!
Dew
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Yes
A lot of very nice images. Wondered about the 1st line "unforgiving" just doesn't seem to be right. Maybe all forgiving. But it was very enjoyable, don't want to spoil it with constructive criticism.
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Awwwwww. That was so cute! I'm still even squealing now! That was truly and extremely thoughtful, and just so full of unspoken emotions hidden beneath the layers of words. And I absolutely love the similes and metaphors for love.
P.S. That wasn't corny at all, or maybe I'm just a sucker for lovey dovey things.
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I love thiS poem/story.I wish you could have actually made it longer.But keep writing for the rest of your life.you are a amazing writer and i want you to be very more of the romantic type like this was.I really like it and i hope you like this comment to.the awkward area was when you said for someone special i mean that is kinda corny.anyway hope this helped you!
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Hello.
I am commenting on this because I want to win the comments thing.
This is really...amazing Princess. It's beautiful, flawless. I love it! It sure is better than my poetry. T.T But really twonnie, it's...amazing. =] I love it. And I know who the special person is.
Keep it up! You need to write more. =[
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This seems interesting.
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This seems interesting.
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This seems interesting.
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This seems interesting.
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This seems interesting.
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AWWWW. So sweet. :-) That someone special is (hopefully not was) a lucky person.
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its ok
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I loved it!
I really enjoyed reading this, it honestly was beautiful - in a tradgic sort of way. What to do you mean though, at the end where your heart died and went to heaven? Does this mean that the sense of true love dissapeared?
Very interesting read, I'd love to read the story that it was related to.
language: 5, dialog: 5.
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Aw, thank you very much for your amazing comment! =D
And to answer your question, no, the love is still there, the mention of death was just me toying with contrasts between the previous line in which the persona's senses came to life. it's also describing the love as other-worldly and somewhat even holy and ethereal. =] Hope I explained that well!
Thanks again for the comment!
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Iliked it but you should however put your ownwork on here not someone elses.It still was pretty good. All you have to do i continue with work on your own.
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What do you mean by that? O.o I always put work of my own here. If you're refering to this poem in particular I do have it on another writing website and an art website.
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I have a feeling this would read better outloud, with a voice that could sway and fluctuate along with the words. I got the meaning out of it by picturing it read out loud.
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It uses such pretty and delicate wording. It makes it feel so beautiful!
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Lovely!!!!!!
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This is wonderful
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dude you need to read my story called " the sea of dreams" at first when i read the title i thought we had the same title lol anyway good poem dude
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Wow. Just, wow. I am officially in love with this poem. <3 Corny or not.
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I think that was beautifully written. Your imagry is incredible, as well as your word choice and flow. Very well written.
As for content, I thought it was extrememly expressive and in-depth. Funny how I would have thought it was well, not corny exactly, but I was completely opposed to the whole sappy love poem stuff, but then I met a decent guy and it does not seem so sappy anymore. Actually, it feels like you nailed love on the head, stuck it on here, and that might be how I am feeling. Which is...you know, bizarre. Because the last thing I would ever do is find love.
Woah, sorry for the sharing of a personal story. But your writing did that to me, so think of it as a compliment!
Anyways, I loved your poem and keep up the good work. -
Great images. When you're in love your past life ends, and begins again happier. I like it. You should post some more of your old works if they're anywhere near this good.
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Thanks
A great Poem ! -
cool
The joy of a baby's squeal
well putbeginning: 5, ending: 5.
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This was beautifully written. I love it!!!! It was really really good. Great job!!!
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Absolutely love this poem!Ugh Gorgeous!=]
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eww P. I LOVE IT! but i can guess what your inspiration was.
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This has some very good word choices in it, and wonderfull imagery..
I think you should work on a structure though, put it in verses. Also, you should be ending most of your sentances with commas or periods. However that is just gramatical crap.
The actual poem is really well done; "As you drown into an unfathomable utopia" is an interesting contrdiction and gets your mind to think a little bit. I like that.
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