Obsessed-Chapter 1

Lisa and I had been best friends for years.  I always respected her, and I cared about her very much.  She's the sister I never had. And I know I'm the sister she never had.  She was your average 20 year old, thin, but well shaped with hips big breast, very light skinned.  She didn't even look Spanish.  She was living with her boyfriend of almost 4 years, Alvin who's also Spanish.  He stood about 5'7, tan skin, dark brown eyes, long eye lashes thick straight hair that he wore short. Thin with a small pouch, that wasn't noticeable with a shirt on. They had two baby boys.  They seemed in love with each other at first.  She happened to cheat on him once.  I have no idea if he ever cheated on her, all I know is that he seems to respect her. One night she told me to come over.  I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, the love of my life. Or rather, he did with me. I was so depress, I was suicidal. "You okay Hun?"  I looked at into Lisa's brown eyes, and made a smile for her.  "Yes, I'm okay for now, go to sleep."  She looked at me with a frown.  I guess she noticed the weight I seemed to be losing. I'm chunky, short 5'2, with light skin, short curly dark brown hair, light brown eyes, with glasses.  I hadn't lost much weight, but whatever I had lost, I guess it showed.  "Well I'm going to sleep now, if you need anything you can ask Alvin, or wake me up okay?"  I smiled at her.  "No problem, Alvin didn't have to go get me ice cream." She smiled and said," I wanted some also, I'm craving ice cream big time, I may be pregnant again, but don't say anything, although I'm sure he suspects." She patted her stomach.  She was very fertile, whereas I had tried with Alex to get pregnant and never did. Maybe it was  just as well. Alex, damn, I could get him off my mind. How could he just end this between us?  I didn't notice Lisa walk upstairs and go to sleep.  I was down stairs in the living room where I would sleep.  It was late 1:30 am.  The night was always the worst for me.  I thought about Alex all the time, but at least during the day I had something to do, at night I couldn't sleep simply because I had shared a bed with him for a little over a year, and I wasn't used to sleeping alone, and also because of the depressing thoughts that I had of him, of us, of the many memories we shared.  I don't know where I went wrong, I never saw this break up coming, and as a result wasn't prepared for it.  I wanted to die. I went to Lisa's kitchen and began to cry.  God I couldn't take this anymore, I couldn't take the feeling of rage that filled me when I thought about him with another women.  I took a knife from the draw, my hands were shaking and sweaty.  A cold sweat broke out on my forehead.  I raised the knife to my wrist, and pressed down.  Hard enough to see a line of blood forming, but nothing deep, yet.  I didn't hear Alvin come in.  He came behind me, his arms on my shoulders. "Vivian, please, put the knife down."  I shook my head. "No Alvin, I can't take this shit anymore." His hands slid down my arms, his left hand cupping my hand, the one holding the knife. "Please Vivian, he isn't worth this, you are a beautiful women, you are talented, you have a good job, you have friends, you have your family that loves you, you don't want to make a mistake." He took the knife from me. I turned around to face him, eyes red from crying, my voice was horse. "Don't you understand, that he was my whole world, I don't want to live Alvin.  I can't even blame him for leaving me, I'm a fat, pain in the ass woman, I couldn't make him happy, I can't make anyone happy, who would want me."  I shook my head.  His shook me hard, making me look at him.  He stared deep into my eyes. I knew he was going to tell me something serious.  "How can you say that Vivian, you are beautiful you can have any man, just because you are chunky doesn't mean anything, you have a great personality, and a beautiful body."  I interrupted him,"yea but no one wants me Alvin ALEX DIDN'T WANT ME!!" I began to cry again.  "I have been attracted to you for four years.  I never told you because I love Lisa, she is my world, and you love Alex, but I have always wanted you, and I care about you.  I would never under any circumstances leave Lisa, but I can show you that someone wants you, that someone loves you.  I think about you all the time, I'm in love with two women, two women who are best friends.  I know you respect Lisa too much to ever do anything with me, and so do I. But I can at least tell you how I feel, maybe it will make you feel better."  I looked at him shocked. I never suspected that he would be attracted to me, that he wanted me, that he loved me!  I had been strongly attracted to him also, as a result, I distant myself from Lisa.  I kept in contact with her usually through the phone, but we didn't even live in the same town.  I loved her to death, and I had no excuse for why I did this except that maybe it was a moment of lunacy, or perhaps, too many booze got to my head.  I kissed him. I kissed him and ran my hands through his hair, down his muscular arms, up his hips, and down his back.  I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and at first he stood there shocked, and then he jumped.  He kissed me back, ran his arms down my waist, behind, cupping my ass, and pushing me against him.  In that moment, I wanted him more than anything.  It seem to go on forever, then I suddenly felt his erection against my stomach, and it was like a reality check.  I backed away from him shaking my head.  What had I done? I just disrespected the best friend I ever had.  My best friend of 9 years. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there, and decided to take a shower, I had to leave here now, I had to get my act together.  The next day I left, I gave Lisa a long hug, I didn't think I'd see her for a long time.1