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He saw her at the mall, walking briskly – tall, long dark hair, and those beautiful azure green eyes that glanced his way as she passed. He followed her past Kauffman’s and Macy’s and into Victoria’s Secret. He watched her touch the pink, lacy things, hold them up . . . and his imagination began to whir ominously. Moving carefully between tables, attempting to appear nonchalant but failing miserably, he stumbled over a mannequin and ended up holding it in a firm embrace. He caught her eye again, watched her raise one eyebrow . . . and then wink. Not the best, but it was a start.2
Author notes
100 words sure aren't a lot. Plus Word counts dashes and the ... as words.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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You made everyone almost see what you were decribing in littleamount of words grat job
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Absolutely right on!
LOL! Love this! I believe every lasting bond begins with "Not the Best Start." BTW, this is kvwriter. Have to use my son's computer as I'm living with him temporarily. Couldn't recall my password and have no clue what my son's e-mail address is. I'm fine. Lots to share. "When the going gets tough, the tough get going!" Love that. Keep the faith! Love, light and peace to you!--Kel (((HUGS))) -
Lol... I found be a very humorous story, Paul. this little scene did indeed seem like the lead in to a romantic comedy movie. You created a vivid image of each moment.. and the mannequin...priceless
A really cute story
good luck in the contest.
Dee
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Not the best? A pretty girl holding up lingerie winks at me, I'd call that pretty promising!
Something tells me she's a tease though...that would be my luck, lol. -
Lol, this made me chuckle to myself (and the dog look at me dispassionately as if to say good lord she's gone mad
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Nice job getting in the 100 words without over or underdoing it - can't be an easy job, and best of luck in the contest. -
I could only imagine what you would've done if it was Fredericks of Hollywood you walked into!!!
You may want to replace the "..." with an Ahhhhhh! lol.
I enjoyed this so much. Brought smiles and chuckles.... Good luck in the contest.
~Michelle~
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a very cute write here and I tried to do the 100 words bud wow it is hard congrats on a well worded piece,keep penning these humorous pieces, Please.. Linda
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Wasn't he lucky?! This is a well told scene, I liked the amusing tone of it and the touch of romance, the beginning of a romance Indeed well done using not so many words.
Thanks and success! -
Hey Paul -
100 words is tough to do... very well done.. and funny, as well. Good luck in the contest
Becca -
Nicely done. I enjoyed the read. You made it very human, not dry at all.
I applaud. -
Hee Hee - Pink lacy things
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Haha, well this nearly made me laugh. I'm having a rather bitter night, so that's better than nothing. Let's say I laughed interiorly But this was an entertaining write. I could really imagine the whole scene in my head. It was rather comical. Though, here, we don't have Kauffman's, Macy's and Victoria's Secret stores so I adapted the story to the mall we have nearby with this lingerie store. Oh and I love that ending. Sounds like how a love/humor movie would start. Hmm you could sell your idea you know... if it hasn't already been done
Good write. Thanks for cheering me up
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