The wizard and the elf chapter 2

Chapter 11

Once upon a time there was a wizard named Yeld, and an Elf named Tyler.  Long long ago they were best of friends they would go on dangers mission like fighting dragons, and other courage’s animals.  But then 1 day Yeld the Black wizard turned evil, and Tyler the elf was as pure as could be.  Yeld started to yell and Tyler the elf, Tyler did not like it at all so they all stopped talking to each other after a short period of time.   Yeld was planning to take over the world but Tyler found out of his plan so he ran to the woods as fast as he could to go and retrieve more elf’s to get ready for war.  Once yeld was ready he started to spawn satins of hell.  After they were all ready for war the Devil joined them himself.  He told them he was watching the elfs in his blood pool of death and he saw that they were readey for battle so Yeld thoult to himself for a moment.  He decide to start a big camp around his tower, as saiten’s spawn started to dig a huge hole for the fire and so that they could summon more of the hell demons, once they had a mile deep hole they started lighting trees on fire and building huge fires in the hole and making weapons for the spawns to use.  The elfs on the other hands were sharping their swords, and making arrows.  Once the elfs were ready they ready the elephants for war.  Yeld told ¼ of the demons to start to march into the woods and try and distract the elfs so that the other demons could sneak around back. 2

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Chapter24

As some of the demons started to march around in the woods the elf's were spying on them.  One of the demons saw an elf so the demons ran straight to the elf town and started to attack everyone and everything in sight.  Yeld sent another 1/4 of his demons to attack the back and 1/4 the west and another 1/4 the east the entire elf city was under siege.  Yeld himself accompinted by the devil flew to the elf village on a flying hell hound.  Once there they saw arrows flying and demons falling elfs dying and blood shead all over the place.  They were both happey.  Tyler saw Yeld and the devil sitting on the hellhound aboce the elf village.  Tyler told all the archers to fire at them befour they had the chance to cast any spells.  At once all the archers started to shoot arrows at them.  Yeld casted a protection spell.  The devil jumped off the hell hound, and drew his long red blood enamal sword and started to swing away.  As yeld started to cast a darkness spell Tyler jumped onto a horse and started fighting off more deomons.  Once Yeld casted the darkness spell no one could see.  Once we could see again we all started to attack the demons again.  The deomons and elfs were falling 1 by 1. But the evil wizard Yeld kept reviving them.  Once Yeld was casting a spell Tyler saw his oppertonitey to shoot Yeld out of the sky.  So Tyler drew back his bow and took aim.  He let the arrow fly (Swish).  It hit Yeld dead on in the arm which he was holding his staff and he droped it.  Yeld fell to the ground.  Once yeld stood back up he grabed his staff and started to mummer a curse.  Tyler wasted no time and shot another arrow and hit him dead on in the head.  5

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Chapter 3 Will be later today or on Monday7

What did you think? Please comment!

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Comments

  • Tylerc442
    December 2, 2005
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    hehe thxs for the comment and i will try and do it when i get time because i usulley am in school and do not have that much time to write anymore because my computer at my house had its hard drvie crashed so i cant do that much right now thx theo.

  • Polaja
    October 16, 2005
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    I think that this could be a really good story . . .

    However at the moment, it needs a lot of work.
    Perhaps for a start you could run a spellcheck - satins should be Satan's; sharping should be sharpening.
    Then you should look at lines like 'they would go on dangers mission like fighting dragons' . . . I believe you were trying to say 'they would go on dangerous missions like fighting dragons'. If this is the case then you should definitely look at your grammar and wording.
    Sentence structure is also a key point that I would like to comment on - the sentence 'He decide to start a big camp around his tower, as saiten’s spawn started to dig a huge hole for the fire and so that they could summon more of the hell demons, once they had a mile deep hole they started lighting trees on fire and building huge fires in the hole and making weapons for the spawns to use.' is extraordinarily long and could be broken down into shorter lines that would interest the reader more.
    Also, you need to look at proper capitalisation of the names of your characters, I noticed that 'Yeld' was often not capitalised.

    If you would like any more suggestions or help with this story, you can always message me about it.

    Pol

    P.S. All of what I have written in this comment is my opinion, please don't take any of it personally. I don't mean to offend you in any way, I would just like you to reach the best of your potential.


  • October 15, 2005
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    Tyler saw Yeld and the devil sitting on the hellhound aboce the elf village. Tyler told all the archers to fire at them befour they had the chance to cast any spells. At once all the archers started to shoot arrows at them

    I love hellbound- great images- reminds me of lord of the rings. Chapter 3 is sure to be good.