I walked along the dreary scene,
What had happened was not mentioned to me,
I looked all around for what I did not know,
I couldn't find whatever was to show,1
Then I saw a man,
With people to and fro,
I walked up to him,
To ask him what to know,2
He spoke of terrible things,
I firmly covered my ears,
I turned and saw a woman,
My eyes filled with tears,3
The lady's hair was mine,
Mouth and lips the same,
Without asking anyone,
I already knew her name,4
I was scared at first,
That this woman was me,
But at least now I knew,
I had died upon the scene5
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was really good! It read really easily, which is what a lot of poems lack. When I look back on it, though, I think, "Wow." I don't think I could have written this. It seemed to rhyme very easily. Many poems either sacrifice rhyme for meaning or vice versa, but you do neither. Great poem! Keep up the writing!
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Wow, this was so amazinginly good. The rhyming was so good and it seemed like each paragraph ended suddenly and like a cliffhanger, making you want to keep reading more and more. I found many parts in the poem that I really loved, but my favourites were paragraphs 4 & 5:
The lady's hair was mine,
Mouth and lips the same,
Without asking anyone,
I already knew her name,4
I was scared at first,
That this woman was me,
But at least now I knew,
I had died upon the scene5
Luvvv it
~Lullaby.x
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thanks, glad you liked it. if you liked this one you should read some of my other stuff bc i dont think this one is the best.
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wow this was really good, very dramatic and dark. Very nice, wonderful god.
Dew -
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hey thanks you should read some of my other short stories if you want...ill read some of yours
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