On The Good Ship Corsair (3)

“Laz! Laz! Problem!”1

“Really, you coming to see me with a problem, I’d never have guessed,” said Lazarus wearily. “Though if I saw you when you didn’t have problems as well I suppose it would mean accepting a threesome, which isn’t going to happen by the way. What is it now? He trying to make your speeches for you?”2

“Well, yes, but that’s not the problem. And I don’t mean that it doesn’t bother me, it’s definitely a problem it’s just not THE problem. And THE problem is this.”3

“You do blither a bit when you’re flustered, Ray.”4

“I’m going out for dinner with him, tonight at the OC.”5

“Dinner?” replied Lazarus, raising both eyebrows and turning sarcasm up to eleven. “God, that’ll mean a good two hours alone in his company with scarcely an opportunity for a simple grope. You’ll have to hold conversations with him and everything. You poor, poor thing.”6

“Exactly,” said Raven, obviously choosing to ignore Lazarus’s industrial strength intonation. “That’s why I brought your predicament into it.”7

“My…predicament?”8

“Yes, you’re, well, how should I put it, lack of luck recently. I suggested we make a double date of it to help you out.”9

“To help me out, eh? And to your own selfish ends you have paired me up with who exactly?”10

“Junior Engineer Asier Michelangelo. And it’s not completely selfish thank you very much. He’s a friend of Charlie’s from the Academy. Short, slim, dark hair, little soulful maybe, you’ll love him I’m sure.”11

“And this is all happening when?”12

“About…now actually. Best get your finest finery on your back post haste. I’ll be waiting outside with a carnation.”13

The Officer’s Club was an on board restaurant and bar exclusive to the higher ranks and boasting Lieutenant Anatol Thompson, head of F Section, as its chef and proprietor. Anyone of the rank of under officer or above was entitled to dine at the OC whenever they wished and to bring guests, though the inevitable presence of the Captain and his all seeing eyes, absorbing valuable information like a well dressed sponge, led many to opt for the mess hall instead, often with an excuse of ‘not wanting to distance themselves from the men.’ Raven was very much one of these, ever since an early meeting with the Captain had featured the casual mentioning of a few choice bits of personal information Raven most certainly did not want going into general circulation, who was apparently a good friend of the Captain’s, followed by an off hand complaint that the ship’s 247 gun emplacements hadn’t been inspected in a while and that he wished someone would get round to checking them.14

Fortunately, the Captain, who had a certain undeniable suavity to him, clean shaven head under his peaked cap and a delicately trimmed black beard, had eaten early that night and was just getting up to leave as Raven and his party entered. Registering with a brief but expert glance that two of his lieutenants were entering accompanied by a desirable under officer, whom he of course already knew Raven had made his Assigned, and a cute little specimen of an engineer, then strolling out whilst replacing his cap on his head.15

“Glad to see the back of him,” Raven heard one of a group of three young officers on another table mutter.16

“That’s not what you said the other night when you were stroking his beard,” said the second, smirking. The first blushed.17

“Stroking the Captain’s beard?” asked the third. “Bit intimate, eh?”18

“Yeah, and not just that,” announced the second. “I heard it was, you know, his ‘low beard’ that he was stroking,”19

“Loki! You didn’t!”20

“No I bloody did not! It’s just our mutual friend here exercising his vivid imagination, as usual might I add.”21

“Ooh, we seem a bit defensive don’t we?”22

“Yeah, yeah.”23

Raven smiled and turned back to look at the menu. He missed it, being an 18 year old fresh onto the ship and into ship life, Experience was something of a double edged sword, he thought. He gave a glance to Charlie’s friend, the young Asier Michelangelo. He didn’t look like an engineer, he thought. Then again, he had half been expecting him to turn up still in his grey boiler suit with a spanner hanging from his utility belt and soot on his cheeks. Instead, he wore a simple white shirt, complete with the tie of the Academy’s School of Engineering. He also, Raven noticed, had very earnest eyes.24

“Anything in particular you can recommend, sir?” asked Charlie, eyes flitting between the two lieutenants sat opposite him. Lazarus shrugged. “I’ve not been in four years,” admitted Raven.25

“Why ever not?” asked the engineer, Asier.26

“Never had anyone we wanted to go with,” lied Lazarus. It was easier than saying that the Captain fancied himself at blackmailing his subordinates over their various infidelities. “So, just thinking, Asier Michelangelo, with a name like that you must be from, uh…”27

“Gloucester, sir,” said Asier.28

“Ah, yes, of course.” Lazarus suddenly sensed that Raven was about to make a joke along the lines of “Well, I hope your better endowed than that David bloke of yours,” and gave him a sharp kick under the table. Raven grimaced and stifled a cry of pain. “Drinks,” added Lazarus with a wide grin on his face.29

“Brilliant idea, sir,” chimed in Charlie. The restaurant environment, Raven noted, seemed to making him even posher than usual. “I think,” continued the under officer, “I fancy a bottle of Champagne.” He paused. “Does anyone else want one?”30

“Food as well,” interjected Lazarus. “Starters for, well, starters.”31

Within fifteen minutes, each of the four had a plate in front of him. Lazarus, who seemed rather eager to please the date he hadn’t even known about an hour earlier, made a point of saying how Asier’s selection of ham and melon was, “A splendid choice,” gesticulating somewhat in an uncontrolled way and losing his grip on the bread in his hand, sending it flying Charlie’s way, where it bounced off the edge of his plate of smoked salmon and disappeared over the edge of the table.32

“Blast,” said Lazarus. “I was enjoying that.”33

“It’s okay,” said Charlie, looking down into his lap. “I had my legs tight together so I caught it.” And the matter would have ended there, had Charlie not overheard Asier mutter, “Makes a bloody change.” Charlie obviously took the remark as something of a broadside and snapped back. “Half-wit engineer boy!”34

“Posh git officer!”35

“Virgin!”36

“Uke!”37

“More wine!” shouted Raven in desperation. “The bread is safe, surely that’s all that matters.” Rage was almost visibly crackling in the air between the two younger men.38

“I think the question is more,” said Lazarus, “whether you’re happy for me to eat a piece of bread that been on your Assigned’s crotch.”39

Charlie’s ears pricked up and he switched his gaze to Raven. “Yes,” he said. “That’s a very good point. Well?”40

“Well,” answered Raven. “I don’t see why not. It’s not as if your crotch is poisoned.”41

“That’s not the point! In the same way that touching something with your lips that someone else has just touched with theirs counts as an indirect kiss, eating something that’s just touched someone else’s crotch must be indirect fellatio!” Raven gawped incredulously at his Assigned’s contrived logic. “Well?” Charlie continued. “Are you happy for your best friend to as good as suck me off in front of you at a restaurant table!?”42

“Charlie, come on, I hardly think it works like…”43

“Are you?”44

“Okay,” sighed Raven, giving in. “I’ll eat it then.”45

“Good answer.”46

“You can have mine if you like,” offered Asier genially, holding out his own piece of bread to Lazarus, who accepted, beaming, either missing or deliberately ignoring the icy glare coming from the under officer opposite him. Much of the remainder of the meal was conducted in silence, with a few brief meetings of glances and the occasional muted, “Mm, ‘s good,” all that was passed between the diners.47

Soon, desserts were on show, towering ice cream sundaes and dense, oozing chocolate fudge cake. Asier, naïve sweetness radiating from his very pores, met Lazarus’s eye and held up the fruit garnishing the top of his ice cream. “Would you like my cherry, lieutenant,” he said innocuously. Charlie instantly spluttered and collapsed into a fit of laughter. Raven managed to limit his reaction to a smirk for a couple of seconds before giving way into uncontrolled sniggers. Lazarus, feeling somewhat embarrassed, remained sheepishly silent.48

“Oh, I get it, very funny,” said Asier moodily. “I don’t see why you suddenly think you can make all the jokes now, Charlie, just because the lieutenant took yours.” There was silence. Raven looked mystified. “What?” said Asier. “Didn’t he tell you?”49

-50

Lieutenant Lazarus Da Vinci stopped outside the cabin marked ‘Und. Off. A. Michelangelo, turning to his companion with a weak smile.51

“I’m sorry about tonight,” muttered Asier softly. “I don’t know what came over me.”52

“It’s okay,” smiled Lazarus. “It was hardly your fault.”53

“It’s just Charlie,” Asier sighed. “The way he is now, I, I used to, well, like him, really like him, back at the Academy. Got over it, thank God. He used to be alright, you know. I think the whole Officer Class thing got to him, went to his head, made him feel…I don’t know.”54

He drew close to Lazarus and allowed the lieutenant to hold him, inhaling deeply the scent of the man’s recently laundered shirt and nuzzling up against it. “Don’t think me saying I’ll go back here tonight means I don’t like you. It’s just, I’m not like Charlie, I can’t just rush into it like that.”55

“It’s not as if I mind,” said Lazarus, feeling a little useless for only being able to manage those meek little reassurances. “Shall we meet up again tomorrow, just the two of us?”56

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Asier drew back and raised his head so Lazarus could kiss him.57

“Well,” he said after the kiss ended. “Good night, then.”58

“Good night,” said Lazarus. They hugged again, then Asier opened his cabin door and, giving a last wave, allowed it to close.59

Back in Raven’s cabin, Charlie was, unusually for him, being distinctly quiet. He tried for a long time to avoid meeting Raven’s eye, and when the lieutenant finally managed to catch his elusive gaze, he saw in it the shy apology of a boy who knew he’d been an idiot and a prat and an arse and all manner of other things, but that that was just the way he was and there was a limit to how much he could do about it. That night, for the first time, Raven saw him as being genuinely, openly human, He flinched slightly at Raven’s touch, grimaced, held him tighter and made little noises of discomfort as Raven entered him, half closed his eyes and opened his mouth loosely as he came, cuddled deep against the lieutenant, out of breath and sweating, afterwards.60

Tomorrow, Raven knew, it would be as if none of it had happened. Charlie would be his insufferable self again, but in a way Raven didn’t think he’d mind. He’d still have to focus hard to stop himself strangling him, but deep down he’d still get a warm, comforting feeling from being with him. He’d have to tell Lazarus in the morning, work out some plan to steel himself against the superficial annoyances, a good whisky would maybe do the trick. Looking, he saw that Charlie had already fallen asleep. For once, he thought, it looked like his Assigned had the right idea.61

-62

“Ooh, hang on, where have we been Loki?” With the Captain again were we?”63

“Oh set fire to it and shove it up your arse Thor, you poisonous git.”64

Loki’s return reunited the three under officers for the first time since their meal the previous night, in a common room outside the engineering quarters where several members of E Section, Loki included, kept lockers.65

“Thor, you are so mischevious,” said the third theatrically. “If only Loki could compare.”66

“Yeah, yeah, Frey,” said Loki, stripping off his sweat soaked shirt to ease the depletion of fanservice in the room, the lights were apparently powered by it and he didn’t want to risk being plunged into darkness, and searched in his locker for his spare. “Big him up, why don’t you?”67

“Don’t mind if he does,” said Thor, smiling. “Game of cards oh great beard seducer?”68

“If it’ll shut you up.”69

“Very well,” took over Frey. “Blackjack as usual then, Academy Class of 2299 House Rules of course. As in the words of Bruce Dickinson, aces high and change of suit of the user’s choice, kings pick up five and queens pick up Thor and take him home in a taxi, any arguments?70

“Yeah, the dealer’s a twat,” said Thor, grinning wider than his cheeks should have allowed. “Oh, and Loki, lights are getting a bit low, I’ll undo my top two buttons if you give me a few brisk pats on the thigh. Just imagine I’m him, okay?”71

“Arsehole. Right, come on Mr. Frey, time to deal like you’re handing out Coke in the backstreets of old London Town.”