Stop A Bullet -Chapter Nineteen

I checked the hallway making sure it was clear the leave the bedroom. While I was certain that Tanya and Trey were well on their way to the hospital by now it did not stop the sinister thoughts of what could have been from drifting in and out of my mind life a sieve. Instead I focused my attention to the deserted hallway and tugged on Ashley's shirt pulling him behind me. Panning out the gold from the mess I had been left in.1

In the hallway outside the front of Maggie's door a pile of sick lay stenching its surroundings. I would have to clean that up at some point before Tanya came home as I would with the rest of the house, but for now it could stay there. It wasn't likely that Maggie was going to be coming out of her room any time soon, and from her choice of music it was a given indication that she wanted to be left alone to dwell in self pity. 2

“Why has she got to play such depressing music? It only makes matter worse?”Ashley said bringing his shaking hand hand to his mouth, pinching his nose. 3

I couldn't tell what was worse. The smell of of bodies combined or the smell of Trey's vile lingering in the hallway. A reminder of what tool he was, even in the situation he was in. By no doubt the mess wouldn't be playing on Tanya's mind on her journey and while she was there. I knew my mother to well.4

I could hear him dry reaching at the site and smell and pulled him along quickly towards the open bathroom door. It was either hurry the process up or succumb to the temptation of cleaning it and miss out on the opportunity to use out time wisely. Since after Trey's return I would never have the necessary equipment to explore the experience again.5

“Each to their own,” I said no longer revolted by the mess.6

“It doesn't matter what she does. It's how she copes that counts and right now she needs her personal space to sort things out in her head. If I impose on that by complaining about her music it's only going to make matters ten times worse. Besides how do you cope with stress?” I asked trying to change the topic from Maggie to his own personal issues.7

It had always been a frustration of mine when starting a conversation that there was always one person talking and when the other tired to get a mouth in the natural response was to turn it back to themselves. But as much as I hated to be a hypocrite it seemed only right and fair to Maggie that we cut her some slack and change the topic.8

“I don't,” Ashley said simply closing the conversation before it even had a chance to take of into something that could steer my mind away from letting go of his shirt and running out the front door. Running to know where in particular but so fast that all I would be able to feel would be the rocks digging into my feet and the wind blowing through my slick hair.9

“What do you mean you don't. You must have someway of coping?” I said frantically, opening the bathroom door. 10

It swung open. The old hinges creaking an indication that the door was not long of falling into the scrap heap. On the floor lay piles upon piles of Tanya's clothes and Trey's stained underpants. The tap was running in the sink and bits of toilet paper scattered the floor like confetti. A mauling mess to the likings of a dog.11

I was embarrassed at the sight. Tanya had never been a clean freak. It just was never in her motherly nature, but she always had the decency to make sure that all the clothes were washed and put away. It was something her mother had raised her to do, but as I scanned the room searching for any more incriminating evidence of my hopeless life I could not think of the right words to say to Ashley that could explain how sorrowful, and disgusted I was that he had to see it.12

It suddenly dawned on me that yet again this all came down to Trey and the hell he was putting Tanya through. By no doubt he had abused her too, more than once since I had ran like Forest to the safety of Ashley's arms and would not yet even had the chance to recover from the violation that Larry Coles had caused.13

“This is,” Ashley said continuing to pinch his nose. His face had turned an anemic shade of Gray and the bridge of his nose rosy, heading towards a light shade of purple.14

I shook my head not wanting him to say the words, but wanting to crawl up into ball against my mothers pile of clothes and cry myself to sleep with his arms wrapped around me. I would wake up soon after to find that it all had been a wicked nightmare. A hellish dream. Everything would be clean. No clothes, no paper, no mess and especially no whiskey scented vile in front of my sisters door.15

“I know what it is,” I said my eyes stinging.16

“I can promise you it has never been like this before.”17

Ashley let go of his nose stepping into the bathroom. He used his foot to move a pile of clothes that came tumbling on the tiles around him and crouched down on hands and knees picking up all the bits of torn toilet paper. Putting them into a half full plastic rubbish bag.18

“You don't have to do that,” I said stopping him in the process. I took the plastic bag away from his hand, but Ashley swatted me away a weak smile lighting his pale face. There was no fight in his eyes, but I could see the sympathetic stare he was giving me and crouched too on the tiles picking up the remaining pieces of paper.19

“I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I want to do this though. If it means it will ease your mind before we clean ourselves of then whats the risk in doing it. Besides I think Tanya is going to need all the help she can get when she comes home. Whatever condition Trey is in.”20

I nodded taking the bag from his hands and tied a knot in the top, throwing it out into the hallway.21

“Now what do you want to do about these clothes?” Ashley asked reaching for the pile that he had let fall beneath us.22

I side stepped him grabbing handful upon handful of clothes in both arms and carried them into the laundry dumping them in the broken washing basket. I came back to collect the rest. Each load taking the weight of my embarrassment of my already heavy shoulders and when it was done all that remained on the floor was Trey's revolting stained underwear.23

“What are you going to do about those,” Ashley said taking a plastic bag from the bag rack behind the bathroom door. He held it open with a sly grin on his face and laughed staring into my skittish eyes.24

I could not find the humor in it. It was disgusting.25

I eyes the mess around me noticing the pair of underwear I had seen him in one night when he had made Maggie scream in agony for not calling him daddy. Small patches of dry blood covered the flimsy torn material. 26

I wanted to burn them all. One by one, everything he owned into infernal flames. Executing the evil that drifted within the walls of our prison, but thought better of it. I had other plans in mind.27

“I have an idea,” I said storming out into the kitchen. Almost forgetting the existence of the sick and slipping over onto the hard wooden floorboards.28

The sensation of it between my toes was enough to have me dry reaching, but the image of Ashley stripping of his sticky clothes and stepping into a steamy shower had be on my feet in seconds limping towards the kitchen draws and the paper toweling.29

I forced myself to bend down. Holding my breath to prevent further mess in the kitchen. I toweled the sick from between my toes rushing over to the bin and dropped the paper toweling into the bag, running over to the draw.30

After a few minutes of scratching around the useless utensils I found what I was looking for and headed back to the bathroom. Careful not to slip again. I promised myself I would clean it up soon.31

Ashley laughed staring at the tongs that I held in my hands.32

I could sense he was watching as I bent over picking up the underpants and threw them into the bag until the floor was once again clean and his evidence of abuse was ready to be sealed up and hidden. 33

When the time was ready I would use it against him to hammer enough nail into his prison coffin. All they would need to do was examine the evidence and take samples from each of them to know that I was not lying.34

“All done and dusted then? Ashley asked turning towards the sink to wash his hands clean. 35

“Got any soap?” He asked searching the draws. I feel a little dirty after doing that.36

I nodded opening up the bathroom cabinet and pulled out a cake of lavender scented soap handing it to him.37

Ashley lathered up his hands. For what reason I did not know, but I understood how disturbing and dirty it must have felt and I could see the dirt and fluff that had gotten underneath his fingernails. I to had my own fair share, but I would wait to wash them in the shower. Hoping that out intentions were still the same.38

I closed the bathroom door locking it and listened it click as the sound of Maggie's music faded away into nothing.39

Ashley finished washing his hands and dried them on the nearest towel. Impulsively wiping them on his pants afterwards. There was still a hint of humor in his smile, but now that the bathroom was clean I could see more hidden beneath his hazel eyes.40

“What do you say we have that shower now?” I asked stepping towards him. My body trembling in anticipation. My mind now replacing the thoughts of my dirty hand into something far more filthy then I could bare to imagine.41

It felt wrong to want the things that I had desired from the minute I stared into the truth that Ashley was offering, but it also felt so right at the same time and as we both stood still. Our bodies drawing close together I could feel the electric connection between us starting to burn up, rising higher than the infernal flames of temptation itself. 42

Ashley nodded grabbing a handful of my hair and pulled me towards him frantically. His lips pressing hard against mine. His tongue an invasion, probing and romancing my my own. His sweet salivating lips caressing my chin. He didn't even need to say the words I was asking him to. The words I wanted him to say. His hot heated indication for sex was more than enough to keep me silenced.43

I stared into Ashley's eyes. Seeing everything I had ever dreamed of unfolding behind his thick battering eye lashes. I grasped a handful of his chestnut hair rubbing it between my fingertips and jerked him forwards to my hungering body. Indulging in the way his warmth felt against mine. The immediate collision casting flames around the two of us like hot, steamy flames of attraction and the long awaited desire to relieve us of our insufferable lust.44

Ashley's fingers teased my ruffled hair possessively moving towards to the line that arched my neck towards him. He held me firmly against him craning his neck so that we were in perfect line with each other. His lips romancing small gentile kisses across my ear lobes. Entering and coiling his molten hot tongue inside my tickling ear.45

“What are you doing,” I laughed playfully. The elation of his moist tongue drawing patterns around my shoulder blades enough to send crippling shock waves of lightening throughout my entire reckless body.46

“Torturing you,” Ashley whispered lifting up the hem of my shirt. He pulled it up against my belly button and stopped letting it fall back around my waist. His hands all over the band of my pants. Never lingering for a moment, before he found another part of my body to awaken.47

“Teasing you,” He grinned going for my shirt again.48

This time I lifted my arms above my head. Beckoning him to stop the teasing so we could begin to take our shower and continue under the dripping waterfall as it crashed against our bodies like rushing waters against the rocks at the bottom.49

Ashley followed out game lifting the shirt over my head and threw it onto the floor where Tanya's pile of clothes used to be. He cocked his head to the side winking towards the shower and wrapped his arms around the length of my waist, wracking his short gritty nails along the lines of my hips. He forced our bodies closer together until the solid twitching of out pants collided sending both of us into a quivering fit.50

I pulled away from Ashley's body. My body trembling. 51

I stared at his uncertain expression and cupped his face in my hands drawing him closer for a deeper kiss. My teeth nipped at his lips. I bit the supple flesh of their fullness wanting nothing more than to stay in the moment, but I knew that time was running out and the odor of our bodies combined that I had momentarily dismissed had come back wafting up my nose causing the twitching to cease and my length to shrivel once again.52

“Tap, now,” I said sternly moving away from Ashley.53

I opened the dirty glass shower door and slipped inside the cubical. I was already shirtless. There was no point in worrying about a little splash of water, but when my hand found the hot and cold tap and I twisted them around in my hands I could not help but feel the overwhelming sensation of Ashley's eyes penetrating into my flesh.54

On my heel I quickly stepped out of the running shower and onto the tiles steadying myself against the shower door. I gazed into Ashely's alluring eyes, flashing him a yellowy toothed smile and thought better than to embarrass myself any further with my repelling looks. Ashley was bewitching even with a face caked with grit and grim and sweat that seeped from his dusky skin like a bottle of baby oil leaking all over his body.55

“Aren't you going to take of your pants before you get into the shower?” Ashley asked his hands on the hem of his own pants. Enticing me towards our impending fate. His once tawny fingertips now charcoal against his toned hips. 56

“Yes in a minute,” I said the pressure dawning on me. I tugged frantically at my pants. Not sure how do reveal myself to him. Petrified that I would fall over my own pants and face plant the floor naked with my pubescent ass in the air.57

Should I slowly strip for him like they did in books and on television seducing him into my arms? Or did that only work for women who had the bodies to look even half provoking when they stripped of all their clothes and watched as their partners erections grew for their nakedness?58

After all Ashley had never seen me naked before. He had seen me shirtless, but never the Full Monty all skin and hair. Or in my case all hair and skin, especially when it came to my cock and worse still I had never seen Ashley naked so I could only work of the images I had made up inside my head about what he would look like underneath the stylish Italian clothes that he wore and now in the moment of wanton the images were nothing but a blur behind my swollen eyes.59

I felt incompetent to his sublime figure. Now that he was standing in my house, in my bathroom ready to bare all to me I felt every last spark of my libido drift into the well of malignant self doubt.60

I was about the make love with my best friend. Who just so happened to be a damn provokingly sexy. How was I meant to compete with him? Would I have to compete with him? I already knew I had problems in the member department.61

More to the point. Would he be disappointed when he realized I was not like other boys of my age and built more like a man? I had often pondered about the full size of his length, dreamed about it, but now that my visions were unfolding I wanted nothing more than to throw us both a towel to get undressed under and wait outside in the hallway while we took our own showers.62

What if he could not handle it?63

What if he saw it and rejected me?64

“Well come on then,” Ashley said already undressed and standing rigid with his hands over his crouch. He smiled a half sheepish smile and waddled along stopping beside me eyeballing my body up and down.65

It was relieving to see that I was not the only one with the insecurities and as I gawked like an spectator watching a streaker at a football match I knew that there was only going to be one solution to both of our apparent trepidation.66

“Jump in. I will go get you a towel and wait outside,” I said walking to the bathroom door My heart pounding against my breast bone. What a coward I was. Running away again.67

Ashley stood in the cubical. The water splashing down his body. Even under the water I could hear him sniffling and spluttering against the mouthfuls of water he consumed. He stood as silent as me for a moment. Not saying a word, before the taps were turned of and the shower door was open.68

“Why aren't you joining me,” Ashley said taking a deep breath in the steam that filled the room. He coughed taking a few steps across the tiles and stopped behind me. Resting his wet hand on my shoulder. His manipulating touch almost forcing me to turn around and face my untowardness. 69

“Are you ashamed at what you see Taint? Is that why you can't turn around and look at me. I thought you wanted this,” Ashley said disappointedly. 70

I could detect the pain in his tone of voice. The somber truth of his own shame for his forwardness. He had offered me his soul on golden platter and I had offended him with my rejection.71

I opened the bathroom door stepping out into the hallway and looked to the pile of sick still smeared on the floor. I did not turn around, but wiped my own tears of ashame and embarrassment from my eyes.72

“I did,” I said softly.73

“I do, but I'm just not ready for it yet. The time just doesn't feel right.”74

“And when is a good time for you?”Ashley said bitterly. The sharpness in his voice cutting through me like a knife through margarine. 75

“I don't know,” I said sorrowfully pissed that I had blown the chance for the both of us and knowing that there would never be another one once Trey returned and I was six feet under the coppery soil with. My only friends in death- the hungering maggots.76

Ashley let his hand fall from my shoulder and silence once again left the two of us unyielding towards what we both painfully thrived for.77

“How long are you going to keep depriving yourself from the happiness you deserve Taint? Ashley asked slamming the shower door behind him.78

I did not respond. Only listened while he turned the taps and hummed a familiar tune blocking out the sounds of his hushed sobs at my coldness.79

I closed the door behind me wandering into the laundry and let myself crumple into a ball against the still machine.80

Holding my knees in my hand and my face between them I sat in silence listening to the sound of water crashing against the shower floor. Wishing I had been strong enough to chase after at least one dream I had been pending for.