Running

Dark clouds gathered overhead as I reached down to re-tie the laces on my best running shoes. I had not checked the forecast for this afternoon but a little rain was not going to stop me from getting the release that I needed, not with all that had happened in the past week. I looked up at the clouds, sagging under the weight of the rain. Yeah, it was going to be a downpour, and I welcomed it. What else could I do? 1

I did a little stretching by the side of the road where I had parked my car, and then I walked to the beginning of the trail. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I listened to the quiet of the forest surrounding me for a while and as I opened my eyes I heard the distant sound of thunder. I took another deep breath and took off running.2

I kept my eyes only on the path in front of me. I needed something to focus on so it would be easier forget. 3

I dug my feet into the dirt and pushed myself as hard and as fast as I could. I wanted to run until I could not think anymore, until my lungs were on fire and my legs aching from exhaustion. I was tired of the pain and I wanted to run until it was all gone.4

I tried to clear my mind of all the things that had happened in the last few days. Everything I loved, everything dear to me had been taken away and the weight of it all was more than I could stand.5

I forced myself to erase the image of Ben kissing that other girl. I tried to forget about that ridiculously smug look on his face as he told me that he had been cheating on me for months; that he had never really loved me. 6

I nimbly dodged a root and imagined that horrible scene bouncing out of my head and landing behind me at the foot of the tree.7

I had arrived at home to find my parents fighting again. They had been doing this since I was seven so I just walked by them and went into the kitchen. No one had made dinner so I grabbed a box of cereal and took it to my room to eat it dry.8

I got rid of that memory too as I rounded a sharp turn in the trail. I was getting rid of the memories. I was tossing them off like clingy, wet clothes. 9

Little animals were scurrying from the sound of my frantic footfalls and the thunder rolled through the treetops.10

My parents had fought the entire night and I had not been able to sleep. There was something strange and hostile about the way they were fighting. I was afraid and I worried the whole time that I was at school.11

The thunder was so loud now and the clouds had finally reached their carrying capacity. Big, fat rain drops came hurtling through the trees and everything was soaked in a matter of seconds. The cool drops of water mingled with the sweat that was covering my body by now and worked to make me feel refreshed. I got a new burst of energy and climbed over the boulders on the path ahead instead of going around them.12

I had gotten home from school to find them arguing still and it remained that way for the next couple of days. Thursday, when I had come home from school, I had been shocked to find a quiet house. I walked into the living room to find the remains of various broken lamps and vases strewn across the floor. The coffee table had been pushed on its side and there was blood on the carpet.13

I had stood there, staring at the blood for what seemed like forever, when the sound of a gunshot jerked me out of my trance. I ran up the stair in the direction of the sound; there was more blood on the steps. The door to my parent’s room was closed but the trail of blood led inside.14

I did not say anything as I walked to the door and pushed it open. Inside, my mother and father were lying on the bed. Blood stained my mother’s blouse and her eyes were open but I knew that she was gone. My father had his arms around her, but the wound next to his temple and the gun in his limp hand, told me that he was dead, too. 15

This picture, I knew, would stay in my head for the rest of my life, but that did not stop me from trying to get rid of it now.16

I ran and ran as the rain poured. I was soaking wet and I don’t think my heart had ever beat so hard before. I could barely breathe and I could see that the trail was coming to an end up ahead. My body wanted me to stop but the memory was still there. I could not stop until it was gone, so instead I turned around and continued running. 17

I ran until my feet were blistered and my muscles were pleading for relief. I ran until the storm was over and the sky was black. I ran as the tears were streaming down my face. I ran and I ran and I ran but the memory would never leave me.18