Looking around where I stood on the cold stones, I searched for something familiar. Something that would tell me where I was; something that would let me know what exactly had driven me here in the first place.1
The need had vanished as soon as I'd discovered this place; whatever it was. Then I'd slipped into unconsciousness, without any reason I could see. Though it was pitch black, and the sense of no direction was overwhelming, I had a feeling I wasn't alone.2
There, in the darkness I heard the slow, even breathing as someone appeared behind me.3
"Welcome,"
Author notes
I've been pondering this idea for some time, and finally decided to post it just for kicks. I wondered if it was too...X-Men-ish or Fantastic Four-ish. I don't really know...you'll have to see! Please comment, thanks
Bloody-Ink 
In a list
Does this sound like a good starter?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Doesn't sound like X-Men or Fantastic 4 to me... not that I'm even that familiar with those, but, oh well.
Would it be fine for you to keep me tuned for this? It's a good start. I'd love to know if you're to make a novel/story out of this. (Fingers crossed)
Truly, A. Roza -
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I'd love to keep you tuned in (:
As it happens, I just finished and posted the first chapter. The link to it is somewhere below, I believe. And it IS going to be a novel, for the NaNoWriMo acutally. The link to that site is on my profile as well.
The first chapter is pretty long, about 7000 words, just to warn you (: I had fun writing it, and am off to start the second chapter. 50,000 words don't just write themselves, you know!
Ink -
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LOL, know what you mean. I have to lecture myself. I only have 2500 words because I kinda started late, and I have to go to a Press Conference so my schedule's packed
But reading always makes me better 
Off to read now1
---A. Rein.
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Definitely no X-men or Fantastic four vibe. I like it. This would be an interesting read. I also like your choice of words and how the scene flowed. This is very good. I hope to read the story soon. ^_^
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oh dear, check your background! Everything loaded white on white, so both the text and the background color is white. The only thing I can see on the page are the links.
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Okay, I read this by highlighting the text with my mouse. Some notes:
"The need had vanished as soon as I'd discovered this place; whatever it was." - Incorrect semicolon use. A semicolon needs a complete sentence on both sides. Perhaps you could change it to a comma?
Really nice teaser for an upcoming story here. I'm very curious as to what is going to happen.
The line, " something that would let me know what exactly had driven me here in the first place" is especially interesting. I'd love to know more about the compulsion that overtook this character to go to this place -
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Hey to your background comment, I checked and it looks fine to me. Its a black background with white text and green and blue links. Maybe SW had an error? Or your computer maybe? But thanks for the tips, regardless (:
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Amazing!
It kept me hooked the whole time wondering what was going to happen next. I think you should definitely continue writing it. I didn't get an X-men vibe from it and I think it's a very unique beginning.
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Thank you (: I have the first chapter almost finished, and I've posted it but it is marked as "incomplete" feel free to continue reading though its not done yet.
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It's so mysterious and really just the type of the story that makes you go "ooooohh, what's next?!" It kept me hooked and really anticipating the next part even though it was extremely short.Now I can't help but wonder what's gonna happen next.
And it really doesn't sound that X-menish to me, well just a teeny-tiny bit, but it strikes me as vampirey more. I don't know why, but I totally get a vampire vibe.
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Thanks, though I wasn't going for the vampire theme this time (surprisingly) but I'm glad you liked it (:
Here's a link to the first chapter: http://storywrite.com/story/336388 -
I got the vampire vibe from it, too. :-)
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Really? Its that vampirey? That's not my intention [for once] so I guess its just in my veins or something...lol.
Here's a link to the first chapter if you wish to read on:http://storywrite.com/story/336388
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amazing!
love it! it sounds interesting, and you should keep going with it. you've got a great word usage, which is refreshing.
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