Dear Lee...

Lee-1

I don't know that you'll ever read this letter. I don't know that I have the courage to send it to you. You know how I am, Lee- just am no good at being vulnerable. What makes it worse is that I know you don't feel the same way, but I just can't let this go without you hearing my side.2

I never meant to fall in love with you. When we first met, I really didn't think much of you. You were just that kind of wierd science nerd that happened to be in choir and band with me. I probably could have gone my whole life without you and have been perfectly content. But that was before I knew you, before you capitivated me, entranced me, bewitched me. That was before I ever heard you play.3

And that's what did it for me. That first time I ever heard you play the organ. You put your heart and soul into what you play, and it shines through so brightly I can't help but be caught up in the glow. And you were such a beautiful friend. No one ever gave of himself so freely to me before. Those gifts, the movie you paid for me to see- was it all out of friendship? I just have a hard time believing that is true. I've never heard of you doing anything like that for anyone else. Admit it. You told me yourself that the total amount of money you spent on your ex was the dollar it took to get into the Coffee House's fall party. Yet you went way above and beyond that with me. And you want to pretend you have no feelings for me whatsoever?4

How about that night we stayed out late stargazing and then you took me back to the church and played for me. You said yourself you don't like people to watch you practice. How about the way you looked into my eyes. There was a longing there that pierced right through my soul. It was like you were begging me to understand you, begging me to let you in. And Lee, I tried. I was always there for you. Those countless nights I stayed up later than I wanted to so that you'd have someone to talk to. Every late night run I made to get you something you needed. 5

And then you had the audacity to say all those negative, hurtful things about me and then lying about it. Were you just using me? Talk about a knife straight to the heart and then pouring salt all over it! Did you think I wouldn't find out about that? Newsflash, I'm friends with half the people you hang out with. I pretended I didn't notice, didn't care while on the inside I was dying. I wanted to hate you so much...6

But I just don't have it in me. I just can't hate the man who makes me feel alive, like I could fly.7

That's why I forgave you when you apologized. That's what love is, Lee. Love is when you care so much about someone else that you'd do anything for them no matter how much they hurt you. You'd do anything to see that smile on their face, the gratitude in their voice. I love you, Lee. I'd rather live a life full of rejection and pain than to feel a semi-happiness with someone else. I've tried to move on and I just can't. 8

And as much as I want to believe you're coming around, that you care for me more than you say because you apologized...9

I just want you to know that I'm here for you. And I always will be. Because that's what true love is.10

-Liz