Jenny's Nightmare

Jenny hobbled down the narrow hallway, fleeing the sense of doomed that surrounded her life. She stopped and looked at the white walls and noticed the white robe that she wore. Stumbling, she hit the wall and yelled, "I don't belong here." She slid onto the floor and closed her eyes.1

~2

Jenny waited in the hospital gown while the nurse and the doctor were reading the ultrasound of her baby. The exam room was tiny with pictures of happier times. She rubbed her nose to stop the burning sensation from the smell of bleach that hung in the air. Her doctor was a rude man who had ice in his veins. She made a mental note to tell her father about him. 3

The door opened and the doctor took his seat in the chair; he read over her paper file. Jenny sighed. Not wanting to be ignored, she banged her foot against the cold steel examining table. 4

"Please don't damage the government's equipment," he grumbled.5

"Where are all the fancy computers and the hologram files?" she asked, lifting her eyebrow. 6

"That is for the government officials and other powerful figures and for their families." The file dropped on the floor. "You are in a poor region so you get poor service."7

"This is a middle class town with an excellent university in the area ..."8

"Have you seen the low income housing provided by the government?"9

"No, I live at the campus and take the bus to the shopping district ..."10

The man stood, took off his gray lab coat, and walked to the rack as the lights went dim. Jenny scooted away from the edge; her heart pounded while she tried to figure a way out of the room. She had heard about men pretending to be doctors in less secure regions. 11

"Who are you?" he demanded as he snatched her wrist.12

"I'm Jenny Campbell, like my ID card says."13

"Congressmen Campbell doesn't have a daughter." His deep brown eyes held a hint of evil that gave her a sharp cold chill down her spine. "I have checked the national data base."14

"I don't understand. . . . I came here to get an ultrasound of my baby. . . . My primary doctor told me to come here when I return to the campus." She tugged with her free hand on her gown to cover herself. 15

He pushed her back. She managed not to fall off the table and wiped the tears away from her trusting blue eyes. "I don't," she mumbled.16

He sat in the chair and smiled at the young native girl, who was clearly terrified. He wondered how long this lovely blond would last in the cell block. "Who are you?"17

"I'm Jenny Campbell, the daughter of Congressman Jon Campbell III," she said through her sobs.18

"You're lying!" 19

"I'm not!" 20

Jenny was stunned by the sound of her own voice as the man looked like a deer caught in headlights for a moment. He rushed forward and lunged at her. She tried to get off the table; he grabbed her hair. She stopped.21

"Please, don't hurt me," she begged him.22

"Well, you went from tough gal back to a baby."23

"Who are you, because you‘re not the doctor?"24

"I'm a doctor ..." He ripped her hair out as she screamed. "I'm a doctor of information for the highest office in the land." His lips cracked a smile, and he released her as he walked away.25

She dropped to her knees; the old tile floors rubbed the skin of her knees. Trying to regain control of her emotions, she stood and watched him.26

"Get back on the table," he ordered.27

She refused and stood.28

He rubbed his chin. "You might be fun to play with after all."29

Jenny studied the man. He had short black hair, his body was ripped with muscles from serving in the army, but his pale skin made him more frightening. Could he be from the secret police?30

"You are trying to figure out who I am?"31

She stared at him.32

"You are a gorgeous girl. A great body with a nice rack and your skin is soft like silk. You're every man's dream to have and with your looks you can have any man of high society." 33

Her eyes brighten. "You do believe me?"34

He chuckled. "I didn't say that." His finger waved to mock her. "What I'm saying is that I can change your situation."35

"I'm a natural born citizen of this country and I'm free to leave this medical center!" She marched to the door and turned the handle, which didn't move. "This out of date door!" She banged on it with her hand as the doctor laughed.36

"I never tire of watching someone's beliefs being torn to shreds. It's better than hologram shows, you know?"  37

Jenny placed her head on the door and her hands ached with sharp pain, as she wanted to die. Her world and beliefs were being taken from her by the truth; she had refused to listen, too. Trapped with a man who held all the cards, she had nothing. The examining room had quickly turned into tiny cell. She wailed at top of her lungs and slid down to the nasty floor.38

He leaned back in the chair and watched her breaking down. This part of his job never grew old because every person reacted differently to the news that what he or she believed was a huge fat lie or that they were no longer free because the government was fully in control of everyone. He rubbed his old blue jeans and stood. He walked to the broken down counter, sink, cabinets, and drawers. He opened a drawer and grabbed his tools of the trade. Looking at her file, he picked a bottle of medicine and a syringe, preparing for the next step. Once he had enough meds, he walked to crying girl. As she heaved loud, painful sobs, he grabbed her and put the needle into her vein.39

She looked up and stared into his eyes. She desired to know how he could do this to her and to her baby that she was carrying. "Please, don't hurt my baby..." The room began to spin.40

His huge hand touched her flushed face. "I hurt you; I hurt the baby," he said in a fatherly way.41

Grabbing his shirt, she yanked him closer to her. "Please let me go."42

"Sorry, not going to happen." He removed the syringe and threw it on the floor. "Honestly, I don't care about you or your baby. I'd rather kill you now and be done with it." He sighed. "But orders are orders."43

Jenny moved her hair her eyes. "I'm dying now?"44

"No. I gave you a drug that won't hurt the baby for now but it will raise your pain levels." He patted her knee.45

She cringed.46

He stood and went back to the counter. She spotted a weapon on the counter. It was a lean black stick. Her heart pounded and she scooted backwards. She knew. An eclectic mode stick designed to get information from a terrorist or a rebel as she had been taught.47

Hitting his hand with the device, he walked toward her. She shook her head. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, trying in vain to protect herself. He reached down, grabbed her arm and yanked her up on her feet. The smell of his cologne made her want to throw up, but she needed her strength to survive because she knew her father would come for her. 48

The room spun and sweat poured out of skin, as she was growing cold. She stood and stared into his eyes. Jenny wanted to remember him to remember her, the woman he was about to torture. The only thing she needed to do was to live through it, but at what cost? Her baby was growing in her womb. If she died, so would her baby. If she lived, her baby was dead. The thoughts made her sick; she wanted to release the acid in her stomach. 49

He stabbed the stick into in her leg. She screamed as the shock ran through her body. Her veins felt they were on fire, more sweat racing out of the pores of her skin. Her knees were weak and she wanted to fall, but she refused and stood.50

"That was the first setting."51

"Why are you doing this? She asked through her pants.52

"Who are you?"53

"I'm Jenny Campbell."54

He stabbed the stick again and the pain ran into her nerves. She thought her skin was burning off of her. She held back the screams, her chest tightening, and her hands grabbed her grown. He switched the weapon to the other side and placed it on her neck. A cooling sensation went through her that put out the fire, like she had come out of a cool shower on hot summer day.55

This continued for a time. He would give her pain and then pleasure without asking any questions. He laughed like the joker in the old movie she had seen with her friends. She looked down at her thigh, for it had started to swell and the gown made it burn. He stopped and took a paper cup. Turning on the sink, she heard the water rushing. Her throat burned for the water.56

He drank the water and turned on the faucet. "A good drink can make me come alive again." He took his final sip and placed the cup on the sink.57

She stared at it.58

He flopped in the chair. "I bet you want some water."59

She moved but her leg called out in pain and she stopped. This maniac had caused this nightmare; she wanted to claw his stormy eyes. All she could do in her soaked grown was stand.60

"That leg is turning dark blue." He leaned forward. "I'm betting in an hour it's going to be black. Just imagine pain with the stick ..." His fingers stroked the device. "Would you like some water?"61

Jenny founded herself leaning on the table for support. Finding herself wanting out of this situation, she tried to open her mouth, but it wouldn't open. Maybe I should let him kill me, she thought. No one was coming for her. She realized there were not windows and no clock in the room. How long have I been in here? It felt like days as Jenny grasped the idea that only a few hours had passed. There might be hope yet for her and the baby.62

"Maybe your hearing is going?" he cracked a joke.63

"No."64

"Good. Who are you?"65

She glared at him. "Jenny Campbell."66

Tipping the chair back, he stretched his arms as the lights came on full blast. Jenny covered her eyes; she didn't need a migraine. She couldn't hide from the intense light. 67

"Congressmen Campbell's daughter doesn't suffer from migraines." He tapped the wall and the lights returned to normal. "Jenny Homes does." He sat the chair back on floor, causing a loud noise that echoed in the room.68

Jenny knew all her triggers and he did, too. "I'm Jenny Campbell. Why don‘t you believe me?"69

"Look at the wall without pictures," he ordered.70

She stared as images that filled the wall-a young plain-looking girl with brown hair. Jenny studied the pictures and then gasped in horror. "That is my roommate Jeni Homes. She spells her name J-E-N-I."71

"Why do you have her ID Card?"72

"What?"73

She saw an image of her, but with the name Jeni Homes, with her date of birth and her parents' code.74

"I don't understand." Her knees were losing their strength; she tried to process the information.75

"You and your boyfriend, Bob, hacked into the government's computer system to change your ID. Congressmen Campbell knew his daughter was getting plastic surgery to alter her looks. You also knew of this plan. You lured her before her surgery to a rebel meeting. There Bob and his group raped and killed your friend while you did nothing."76

A dead girl on a steel table lay as the image was on the wall. Memories began to flash in her mind, as men with guns burst into the room. Everyone began to scream and run. She watched everyone die in front of her. She shook her head and came back to reality.77

"You're lying. Once my father finds ..."78

He bent down and stared at her. "Your father is dead."79

"I talked to him this morning before I ..." She climbed onto the table and covered her face; she tried to hold back the wave of emotions. Memories of the last six months flooded her mind. This had been a trap to get her, maybe an enemy of her father. She was sure that he would come for her. This man who claimed to be a doctor was evil. 80

"Look behind you," he ordered.81

She turned and saw a video clip playing on the wall. She heard her father's voice, "Why my baby girl?" The man broke down in sobs and then the clip ended. She reached out to the wall and wanted to touch him. He had such grief and pain in his face. She longed to be held by her father's arms.82

The man laughed until his face turned red at her pain and confusion. A rage was building inside of her. It gave new found strength. She came alive. Jenny jumped off the table, lunging at him. She swung her fist and pounded his face, making him stumble as he let go of the stick. She caught and struck him in the chest. He shrieked.83

"Open this door or I'll kill you."84

The door buzzed and the lock clicked open. She hit him with the stick one time as he fell into the chair. She dashed out of the room. Red lights flashing, she hurried down the old corridor. Guards with laser rifles blocked the main entrance.85

"Put down the weapon and go towards the wall, now," yelled a guard.86

Jenny stood as the bewilderment state left her mind; a thought entered that she was brought to the detention center. She held the weapon in front of her and stared at the guards dressed in their black uniforms. Her cheeks turned red and she felt warm.87

"Why am I here?"88

The doctor appeared behind the guards and smiled. "You are an enemy of the state, Jenny Campbell!" 89

"Once my father finds out by this..."90

"Fire," he ordered.91

Red beams came out the rifles and struck her. The pain rushed her entire body. She collapsed. Jenny watched the doctor coming to her as everything went black.92

~93

Jenny woke up and strapped to a hospital bed, she tried to move. She spotted a nurse in her pink scrubs. Her throat burned and mouth was dry like sandpaper. 94

"Where am I?" she asked.95

"You're in the center and everything will be all right," she smiled.96

"What about my baby?"97

The nurse sighed. "You had a break from reality again, my dear. You've been out for hours. You just need to get some rest."98

"You are lying! You killed my baby!" Jenny struggled against the straps. She wanted to escape from her nightmare. 99

The nurse ran to the control panel and pushed a blue light, as more medicine was released into the young woman's IV. "Jenny, the sooner that you can accept the truth about your situation, the sooner you can return to your family."100

A warm sensation overtook Jenny's body. She fought the drug, trying to put her sleep. "I won't forget..." she mumbled as her eyes closed.101

Jenny was struck in her unending nightmare.

Author notes

Thank you for reading my story. I have got this back from my personal editor.

Lynn

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • cassandraleighx
    October 10
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really good story!

    I like it.


  • corrupthoughts silver member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Ok! Before I start telling you what I like, here is a list of mistakes (mostly minor grammar crap) that I discovered reading through this;

    1 para - should read doom, not doomed.

    para 26 - when you say "She dropped to her knees; the old tile floors rubbed the skin of her knees".. maybe you should instead say; 'she dropped to the floor'.. having the word 'knees' so close together like that, reads awkwardly.

    para 28 - might sound better if it says "she refused but stood."

    para 30 - how does jenny know he served in the army? he did not mention it, and it is in her POV so you have to keep to her knowledge and personality.

    para 43 - I dont think you meant to write 'her' twice, if you did, you need a comma or the word 'and'.

    para 49 - 'Jenny wanted to remember him to remember her, the woman he was about to torture'... what? I think you mean to say 'Jenny wanted him to remember the woman..."

    para 62 - first line should read "Jenny found" not 'founded'.

    para 87 - should read 'bewildered state', not 'bewilderment state'

    Also - if this guy is an army dude and ripped with muscles, I don't think she would be able to take him down so easily or make him 'shriek'.. I think she should hit him from behind, perhaps..

    OK!.. now, I really like the entire concept of this... what intrigued me the most, was I was left wondering if this girl was just insane and literally needed help, or if it was some type of conspiracy where they try to tell her that her entire life is a lie... very interesting indeed.

    You also illustrated the setting considerably well, and gave quite a few good metaphors and similes.. this ends with un answered questions and thats a great way to keep people reading... Id continue this, if you haven't already.

  • davidms
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!

    Not too sure exactly what happened, but I am reading on a Blackberry an my scan could be off.

    I did feel every moment of your protagonist's emotion. Very well done and thanks for sharing.

    Hats off to your editor! I saw no fault. Wish everyone had a proof reader/editor on this site. It can make a good story come alive.

    Loved it.

    language: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • ablelaz silver member
    September 21

    Edit | Reply

    I`m sorry my friend

    Hi Lynn---I’m sorry this doesn’t come across as a story; it has neither a start nor a finish.

    It is quite simply, the real or imagined terrors, of a young lady. Is she actually being subjected to the torture, so adequately described?—I don’t know.

    At last she seems to be in a more caring situation, but is she?—I don’t know.

    This seems to be an exercise in supplying the writer with a medium for practicing her ability to describe the morbid, without presenting a story at all.

    A story must have a start, a massage and a finish. This example has none of the elements required for a story; it merely proves the writer has a flare for describing morbid.

    Talk to you soon---ablelaz.


    • dyslexic writer gold member
      September 21
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for sharing your feelings.

      Being honest in a review, I believe is hradest thing for us to do. Thank you for sharing thoughts why it didn't work for you.

      I hope that you will like next the story that I am working on,

      Lynn


  • BigTuck
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    I dig it. But a few lines are a lil' cliched like "ice in his veins" it kind of takes away from the style of it a bit. Good job tho

  • I Write naked gold member
    September 20

    Edit | Reply

    Intense

    This is very intense. I think it may have been stretched out a little too long. I would suggest editing it down a little, especially the encounter with the doctor.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

  • DeathByChocolate
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! That was good. You did a great job of writing this *claps*


  • Myryca
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic story! Gosh I really felt for Jenny. It was horrible what was happening to her. You wrote the despair really well and I just had to keep reading to the end.

    I was somewhat confused at just what was really happening to her though. Did she really have a baby? Did she lose it and that was the reality she had to accept? Or did the previous stuff with Bob really happen? If you meant for it to be open ended, that's fine and I'll just keep speculating but otherwise I really didn't know what was reality and what was not.


    Lots of little things I picked up:
    p1. "the sense of doomed" - 'doomed' should just be 'doom'

    p39. missing word - "he walked to [the] crying girl"

    p49. missing word - "sweat poured ouf of [her] skin". Also, that sentence sounded a bit strange. Sweat poured out of her as she was growing cold? Initially, I read the the 'as' as meaning 'because' but as far as I'm aware, if you're sweating profusely, you're not cold. If it's a strange reaction of the drug then maybe you could clarify that? Also ,I don't think it would be possible to stand if the room is spinning. At least, not as easily as you make it sound like she's done.

    I'm not sure what you mean by: "Jenny wanted to remember him to remember her".

    p50. extra word 'in' - "He stabbed the stick into in her leg."

    p52. Missing end quotation mark.

    p55. missing word - "a cool shower on [a] hot summer day"

    p62. "Jenny founded herself" - 'founded' shoudl just be 'found'

    p68. missing word - "he sat the chair back on [the] floor". Also, I thought he said Campbell didn't have a daughter?

    p69. I was confused by this: "Jenny knew all her triggers"

    p71. Extra word 'that' - "images that filled the wall"

    p83. missing word - "it gave [her] new found strength". Also "she caught [it] and struck"

    p90. "Once my father finds out [about] this"

    p92. missing word - "red beams came out [of] the rifles"

    p94. extra word 'and' - "Jenny woke up and strapped". Also "Her throat burned and [her] mouth was dry"

    p101. "She fought the drug, trying to put her sleep" - was she trying to put herself to sleep, though she was fighting the drug? I was confused about this.

    p102. typo/spelling - 'struck' should be 'stuck'

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