I HATE my EX

Sage, 1

I have wanted to tell you how I feel about you for quite some time now. First of all, when I met you i thought all my prayers were answered. I felt I had gotten what I had been asking from god,someone to love me. God was I wrong. 2

I did so much for you,giving you my all. Sure the first few months were great! We had fun and laughed and thought things could never change. That is until I had to visit my grandmother in a different state and you weren't allowed with. It was a family thing. Somehow you got it in your head that I had another "boyfriend" 3 states away. 3

I rarely got to talk to you because you were always with your dad and his band but never once did I accuse you of cheating or anything. I arrived back in Ohio 2 weeks later. I remember how you told me your dad was kicking you out since you were already 18. I thought it was just because of his girlfriend so I asked my dad if you could live with us until you got on your feet. I was only 17,too young to what games you were playing.4

I remember the first time we started being sexually active. I think you told me you loved me that night. After awhile you would tell me that the only reason I was with you was for the sex. You knew I would always say "no" and "I love you" it made you feel better that way. Made you feel like you had me trained. Looking back I see how stupid I was for every falling for you. After a couple of months when I wasn't "allowed" to see my friends or if I was you had to be there so you knew I wasn't talking about you or cheating on you. You would stand about 3 inches behind me listening to everything I was saying. I think it was then that I started to resent you.5

We never used protection,even after we moved out together because I chose you over my family even though I was only 17 still. I thought in my head that I would be 18 in about 2 weeks and then we could finally be free. You kept telling me how it was my families fault for all of our fighting an every problem we had. I trusted you and belived you because I "loved" you. We got kicked out of 2 of my friends places because niether liked you because of the way you were treating me. I never listened,even after you held me against my will,not letting me go,crying saying that you loved me. I knew deep down you didnt but that you needed someone to love you. You broke my door, a mirror,hit my little brother in the head and yet I still thought it was all out of love.I can't believe how fucking stupid I was to believe you could love anyone other then yourself.6

Finally my parents forced me back home but you had to stay in the town we were in a hour away. That weekend I went to my best friends house,a guy, and was talking to you on myspace talking about how my friend would help us all be together without all of our parental issues. You went behind my back and told my parents a completely different story of how I was leaivng you and running away to a different state with my friend. I left you that day,told you to never talk to me,i thought things were over.....7

I found out a week after that,that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I called you and let you know. You were VERY happy talking about how we could start a family. I thought since I have always had a father in my life that my baby would need his. I gave you a second chance,not something I do. I wanted everything to work out this time and thought it might now that I was 18. I should have known you were never going to change but I tried to change you. Things actually got worse then better. I had already dealt with emotional and mental abuse by you but I never thought you would actually hurt me. I rememeber I wanted to go home to get something to eat since I had not eaten at all the whole day. I remember how you threw a fit and tried to hold me so I wasn't able to leave. You rememeber that? You remember how it was in the parking lot and I tried to get you away from me and you pushed me into a fence. You pushed me! You could have harmed my baby and you didnt care. You told me that I acted like the most important thing in my life was the baby and that once I had the baby that I wouldnt pay any attention to you,that I would pay more attention to the baby. I thought in my head "Is this guy fucking serious? Is he seriously jealous of an innocent baby?".I knew then that I coudnt have you in my life or my baby's. I left you the day before halloween right after you threatened to kill me and my unborn baby.8

I hate you for everything you put me through. I still have nightmares that you will come back and hurt me or my son. If I hear a noise outside I check to make sure it's not you coming to harm us. Your denying him now and you still live with your dad,not even trying to make things better. I am glad a little bit though that I met you because I think I have grown up a whole lot more. I used to try to look for love but I think I am going to let love find me. You were the worst thing to happen to me and the best. You tore away my happiness, my kindness,but not my love.I can't get close to anyone without being scared. I do however want to thank you for giving me this handsome little man. A little boy who will never succumb to the hell you put his mom through.9

Seeing you will be too soon,so do yourselve a favor and stay the hell away from me and my son. We are fine on our own.I know one day you will get everything you deserve. Maybe not today or tomorrow but karma will work its magic. Maybe then you would give me the apology I am owed.10

-Miranda