X.1
We decided unanimously that sex smelled bad.2
It wasn't bad in the sense that it stunk like slimy banana peels and rotting vegetables, but bad in that it smelled like an in between of everything, yet nothing, desirable. It smelled sweet and intoxicating like black, bitter coffee smoothed out under miniature cartons of milk and cream and chemical-treated sugar. It smelled sour like neglected bath towels, damp and molding, with spores and bacteria burrowing snugly into its looped threads. It smelled heavy.3
Like sins. Sins that were committed beneath the canopy of a friend's blankets, with the splinters of your lover's heart driving into your palms with every thrust.4
And it smelled like blisters. Blisters that ripped away at the feebly outstretched hand of your wilting trust, with your boney fingers trembling more with every second I hesitate to take it.5
X.6
You slammed into me, shoulder blades baring and rib cage glowering.7
"What were you doing with him, usuratonkachi?"8
My knees are knocking, kneecaps, scratched and bruised, quivering. "Who?"9
"Don't fucking play dumb with me, dobe. What the fuck were you doing with Neji?"10
Your eyes are carving into me, gauging tiny glacial cracks over the rim of my soul. "Nothing."11
Explosive: "Is it something you can't tell me?"12
My thoughts turn to the place under my thigh, smooth and white, where he would grip with his teeth and tear, ever so slightly. And purple. Ever so lightly. "No."13
"You're mine. You. Are. Mine. Do you understand?"14
I feel my heart turn off, not quite stop, but off. And I hear the sorrow flood the pockets of my lungs. "Yeah."15
X.16
I was afraid. Afraid you were going to find out.17
And leave me.18
Please don't point at my heart anymore.19
Because. You. Already have it.20
And yet. You. Never will.21
Author notes
The first order of this premature day is to make sure that nothing that is supposed to be done today actually gets done.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow
I love this.
"We decided unanimously that sex smelled bad.
.....
It smelled sour like neglected bath towels, damp and molding, with spores and bacteria burrowing snugly into its looped threads. It smelled heavy."
And like sins. And blisters.
I love this.
And I know how this is.
And you've captured it. Perfectly.
I'm addicted.
- butterflyflight -
Honestly, I could not enjoy the first paragraph that much.
But unexpectedly, your story ended so nicely.
~shaitus. -
very interesting piece. I felt fear and anger when I read it. The ONLY apparent thing you may want to fix is the repetitive use of periods at the end. Great job, you should be proud.
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I wanted more....so that means it was good....is there more?? LOL
~Brandi~ -
beautifully sad.
oh wow, this was a great fan fic. So just. wow. I don't think I've read a more heart felt one, that's this short. It's just incredible what you were able to say, and how you described it in this short of a story. And I loved the Characterization of Sasuke and Naruto! This is sooo wonderful!! -
People don't seem to read fiction very much here, too bad. This short tale has an intriguing style and a subject, that while as old as life itself entertains us by it's writers ability to convey. You have a way with words, with expressing things...you're a writer of fiction...no higher praise do i give.
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Wow . . . that was so sad . . . yet so beautiful.
I can't really say much else . . . except that it is a brilliant story.
Pol
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