Akieita sighed quietly from where she sat under a tree. "Everything's ruined..." She murmured, leaning her chin on her knees. "He's gone..." She whispered disbelievingly, her heart aching. Her best friend had been in a car crash two nights ago, along with one of his other friends. His friend had survived, but josh - Her Friend - Hadn't. Akieita tucked her legs up to her chest and chewed on her lip, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her blue eyes were dull and red from crying. Why? Why did he have to die... He shouldn't have died... It should have been me... She thought. But, on the slightly brighter side, he was in a better place, hopefully he was at peace. Sure, She'd miss him. But maybe she'd see him again some day. Feeling ever so slightly comforted by the thought, Akieita stood up and slowly pulled her pocket knife out of her jeans pocket. Turning around, she reached up with a shaky hand and began to carve something into the trunk of the tree. When she was finished, she stepped back, looking at her work. It read; "Josh. He was a great friend. May he rest in peace." Akieita Read it a few times to herself and smiled slightly, brushing her blond hair from out of her face with one hand. Brushing the grass off of her jeans, she turned around and walked slowly back to her house.
Author notes
This is just a small example story I wrote. I got the idea from a story my friend told be, from something that happened in real life. I will have better, longer stories coming soon.
Comments
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This is good, your a great writer.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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good,sad but I liked it.keep it up.
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Great story
The beginning really captured me but when you started talking about all the different people it got a bit cluted. If you kept it to a minimum of names people can still keep up. Just say "Josh" people understand because before you said that there was two people in the car making Josh her friend. The plot works. The characters could have a bit more emotion. Her friend just died. Tell the reader how she feels even when she decides that he is at peace. Great work and keep it up
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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k
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