Deeper Than Words: chapters 13-15

Chapter 131

"You're a cashier!" Ariel walked from her car, laughing.2

As of noon, I found out I got the job. I was required to wear the red top, as it was part of the uniform. "Thanks to me. Red owed me a favor and I had to remind him or else she wouldn't have got the job," Kelsey said, sitting in the lawn chair beside me.3

I looked at her, "What?"4

"Just kidding. They saw your application and Red was interested in hiring a girl," Kelsey replied, giggling.5

Ariel stood at the steps beside a girl with raven black hair and a piercing in her eyebrow. I assumed it was Greta. "Bailey, this is Greta. Greta, that's Bailey."6

"Hi," I said before lighting a cigarette.7

"We're going out to a party, Bailey," Ariel said, "We came by to see if you wanted to join us."8

I exhaled a great deal of smoke and looked at Kelsey.9

"Go on. You got the job, so go and celebrate," Kelsey said.  I was sure she knew about my incidents in Lundar but she hadn't said a word about it, just as I kept quiet about Lundar and my life back there. I still wasn't about to write off the fact that there was a possibility that she knew. I also wondered if this was a test of trust.10

"Can I talk to you inside Kels?" I asked her, butting my cigarette out after only a few drags. "I'll be right back," I said to Ariel and Greta.11

"What's up?" Kelsey asked me the second we stepped inside.12

I looked at her, wondering where to start, "Is there drinking at the party?"13

"I would think so."14

Her face was at ease, "Are you trusting me to go?"15

"Should I not?" she asked with a laugh.16

Maybe she did trust me, and maybe she didn't know. "When should I be back?"17

"Two o'clock. I won't tell mom and dad."18

I quickly changed into some comfortable jeans and a red top. I combed my hair, touched up my make up, and joined Ariel and Greta outside. We said bye to Drea and Kelsey, and hopped in Ariel's blue four door.19

We reached the local bar and Ariel got out. Greta sat in the passenger's seat. It was similar to that night with Tess and Farrah at Pluto's. "She's getting Budweiser. Do you like that brand?" Greta asked me, as she fumbled with the car stereo.20

"Anything is fine," I lied. I despised Budweiser, as I was used to a different brand that I usually drank with Tess and Farrah.21

Greta looked back at me, "May I ask what happened?" She began looking down at my cast.22

"It was an accident. Fell down the stairs," I replied.23

Greta's shoulders started to shudder, "Sounds like a bad fall."24

"It wasn't too bad. I had no bruises what so ever. Just a broken bone."25

Greta started giggling, "Just a broken bone?"26

I began laughing at this too. Ariel came out of the bar, carrying a case of Budweiser. With her frame, she handled the case easily. Greta pushed a button in the compartment, which opened the trunk and Ariel set the case inside. "You didn't need cigarettes, did you Bailey?"27

I flipped my pack open to find half a pack, "Nope."28

"Alright, we're on our way," Ariel said, looking back to reverse.29

We drove out of town and continued down a gravel road. Greta and Ariel informed me about the type of people that I would run into. Sluts, which they hated; pricks, which needed to be avoided; bums, who should be slapped. Other than that, there were some  average people, according to Greta and Ariel, that would be there. I sure hoped so. The sun was very slowly falling.30

Reaching a camp area, there were all types of vehicles parked. I left my purse in the car and carried my cigarettes in hand. Greta and Ariel carried a blanket over the case and led the way. Picnic tables and the dock of the lake were full of people. Greta pointed out the sluts sitting around the fire. Ariel pointed out the pricks jumping in the lake. We set ourselves on the blanket on the grass and Ariel brought out three beers.31

I sat on the blanket, facing the lake, observing the people around me. It had been so long that I was exposed to new people. I couldn't help to think back to Lundar, wondering what my friends were doing on this Friday night. There was the high possibility that they held some alcohol in their hands like I did. I couldn't picture them doing something else that didn't lead to a hang over the next day. I was tempted to ask for a cell phone to give them a call, but at the same time, I just wanted to enjoy myself.32

"You're not thirsty?" Greta asked, before taking a shot of her beer.33

I uncapped the bottle and took a long shot, realizing that it tasted so good. A black truck pulled up beside us and four guys got out. One of which was the cute guy from Radio Shack. He wore an orange shirt with black shorts. He helped one of the guys set up a stereo in the back. A guy in a tight green shirt came up to us and sat down on the blanket, carrying a bottle of champagne. "Hey girls. Shelly is here!" he said. "Who are you?" he asked, pointing to me.34

"Bailey, this is Sheldon but he prefers Shelly. Shelly, that's Bailey. And it's rude to point," Ariel said, rolling her eyes.35

Sheldon took a quick swig of his bottle, "Where are you from?" From the first couple of sentences, I knew Sheldon was gay, as he referred to himself as Shelly. His hair was spiked and full of hair gel, his wardrobe was more complete than mine, and he had a feminine tone in his voice each time he spoke.36

"Lundar," I replied, before taking a shot of my beer.37

He thought about it for a second, "Okay, I know where it is on the map. Just takes me awhile." The guys finished setting their stereo up and a song began playing. "Those guys are Ethan, Julian, and Tyler." The cute guy's name was Julian. They started drinking their beers, scoping out the party.38

"Aren't those the harshest brand?" Greta asked, eying my cigarette package as I started to light one.39

I rubbed a match against my cast and brought the light to my cigarette, "I guess."40

"How can you smoke that?" Shelly asked me. 41

Ariel rolled her eyes, "And then later on, you'll be bumming a cigarette off of her."42

"I don't know," I replied to Shelly's question, exhaling smoke. I was compelled to bitch because I hated when people had to question what I smoked and why. They weren't smoking it; I was. But I just met Shelly and I wasn't about to come off as a bitch. After all, it was the kind of reputation I had back in Lundar.43

*44

"Just go back inside," I said to Dirk, passing the joint over to Joel's older brother, Merv. Merv and I walked over to the drug dealer's house, picking up two joints. On our way back, he stopped and kissed me. Getting back to the house, I lit a joint outside on the steps of Tess' house. Merv, Trey, and I sat outside.45

The night before, I had been a bitch to Dirk and Darian, not realizing why. They avoided me that night and the second night of our weekend. I was told by three people that I was being a bitch, and I couldn't exactly explain why because I didn't know the reason either.46

"Where did you get that cigarette?" I asked Darian, who had no cigarettes.47

He was about to light the cigarette, "I found it at Farrah's."48

"That's mine," I said angrily, "Give it here."49

He looked at me, "Well, let me light it."50

"No," I said, "I don't take cigarettes from you. Give it here." He handed the cigarette to me. Therefore, I was the bitch that night, and possibly the bitch all other nights. I couldn't avoid it. Sometimes, they just annoyed or angered me, sending me into an area I knew too well.51

*52

Greta plopped down beside me, "And how are you doing?" Her words came out fast and a smile was plastered on her face.53

"I'm good," I smiled, "What about you?"54

Greta grabbed another beer, "I am an easy drunk. Figure it out." She began giggling.55

Ariel was in a heavy conversation with Ethan about a certain movie, discussing the plot. Julian, Ethan and Tyler sat on the tailgate of the truck, talking and playing the music. The moon sat high, beaming on the lake. The 'sluts' were dancing around the strong fire.56

I was getting a strong buzz and finished off my beer. Greta handed me another. I fumbled with my matches, dropping them beside Greta's leg. "Can I light it?," she asked, ripping off a match stick and rubbing it against my cast, creating an instant fire, "Hey! I've always wanted to do that."57

I laughed at her, "Thanks."58

"No problem," she said, holding up her hand, "Have no fear, Greta is here." A blonde girl in a pink tank top stumbled by and Greta rolled her eyes. I assumed it was a 'slut' or just someone she didn't like. Greta stood up and motioned me to follow her. We began walking past the full picnic tables and people said hi. As we passed the fire, Greta and I laughed at the girl who fell over. We reached the car and Greta brought out a roll of toilet paper, "This is what I hate about alcohol."59

"Tyler is the guy that Ariel is supposed to be dating. I secretly hope that she just dumps him, but she wants to get him back. What do you think?" Greta asked, standing on the other side of the huge, isolated bush.60

I zipped up my pants, "I think she should just move on." I began feeling drunk.61

"Exactly," she grabbed the toilet paper from my hands and moved behind the bush. "He hasn't talked to her once tonight. Jerk."62

I stood on the other side, looking towards the camp area that we left, "Why are they on a break?"63

"He is just screwed up. Afraid of commitment I think."64

As we reached the blanket and the black truck, we noticed that Ariel and Shelly were gone. Without a word, Ethan pointed to the lake, where I could see Ariel jumping off of the dock and the water made a splash as she reached the water. Greta started laughing, "You want to go in?"65

I held my cast out to her, "It's so tempting but I can't."66

"That's right. I'll be back," she said before running off to the dock.67

Julian and Ethan made a space between each other and invited me to sit down. I smiled at them and continued watching Greta and Ariel play in the water; Shelly sat on the dock, drinking his champagne. Someone began a game of volleyball on the sand, and the players were stumbling everywhere, taking shots of their alcohol each chance they could. I smiled to myself, wondering what it was like to play a game while being intoxicated.68

"So, why are you in Kelstern?" Ethan asks me.69

I take a quick shot of my beer, "I'm staying with my sister for the rest of the summer."70

"How do you know Ariel and Greta?" he asked.71

I watched the girls get out of the water, Shelly backing away from them, trying to avoid getting wet. "Ariel babysits for my sister. I just met Greta today."72

Tyler began fumbling with the stereo, playing a mixed CD. Tyler began talking about his day at work, presumably trying to avoid the topic of Ariel. I couldn't know what's going on with them but I knew something was bound to happen tonight. Ariel, Greta and Shelly began walking towards us. Shelly held his champagne bottle and a cigarette. Ariel and Greta trailed behind him, trying to shake their hair dry.73

Tyler hopped off of the tailgate and stood in front of Ariel, saying a few words and they walked away. Greta walked past us, going to grab a towel from the car. Shelly sat on the tailgate, taking Tyler's place.74

"You need another beer?" Julian asked, his first words to me.75

I shook my bottle, which only had two shots left, "Sure."76

Julian reached behind the stereo and rummaged through ice in a blue cooler, "Here," he handed the bottle to me. "Nice and cold."77

"Thanks." I cracked it open and took a long shot. I searched through the crowd of people for Ariel and Tyler, wondering what was going on. Greta came walking back, changed into different clothing and a towel in her hands. Ethan and Julian began talking about cars. 78

"Oh my God, I am so drunk!" Shelly exclaimed in a very feminine voice, clapping his hands together. I spat out the beer I just began swallowing. Shelly looked at me, "Honey, what's wrong with you?"79

I held my hand over my mouth, and began laughing. Greta looked at me, smiling. "That's Shelly. Our little drunk." Greta pulled Shelly to the blanket, where they began singing along to the song. Ethan said he was going for a beer run with a friend. I sat alone with Julian on the tailgate.80

"So, are you drunk like those two?" Julian asked, smiling at me.81

I laughed, "I'm just slightly drunk. What about you?"82

"Not really," he replied. I set my empty bottle on the tailgate and was about to reach for another beside Greta, but Julian grabbed one from the cooler. "Those ones must be pretty warm. How about you grab those ones and I'll put them in the cooler." I descended from the tailgate, moved around the 'singers' and carried three warm bottles to Julian, who transported them to the cooler.83

"Thanks. Those ones were pretty warm," I said, sitting down beside him.84

He closed the cooler, "I told you."85

Minutes after I began a real conversation with Julian, Ariel came walking up without Tyler. Ariel looked somewhat angry, but there were no signs of any tears; I was so relieved. Greta and Shelly stopped singing and requested a beer for Ariel, who looked like she might need one. Julian didn't say anything and changed the song, which they started singing, sitting on the blanket. They had nice voices, staying on chorus, despite the alcohol flowing in their systems. It was as though they had a lot of practice. Shelly had the most interesting facial expressions during hs lines. Julian and I had a laugh; they were great entertainment.86

Chapter 1487

"Bails! Wake up!" I heard someone say.88

I turned over, "Only Kelsey can call me that."89

"It's me, Kelsey. Wake up," Kelsey began lifting the blankets off of my warm body, now turning colder.90

I open my eyes slowly, "What? Why? It's Sunday."91

"Red needs you today."92

I stare at Kelsey, "I start tomorrow, don't I?"93

"He can't be there today so he needs an extra worker. You get paid extra."94

Red's Gas 'N Go was just your ordinary convenience store. I wore my red top and walked in at nine o'clock. Red sat behind the counter, flipping through papers. The walls were colored a yellow that wasn't too bright nor too dull. Movie posters hung on the walls near the movie racks. Somewhere a radio was playing quietly. The small store consisted a scent of mint, despite the gas that circulated the area. After closing the door a bell rang but as it quieted, Red finally looked up from his papers.95

"So, you're Bailey?" he asked.96

I nodded my head, "Yeah."97

"I didn't know you had a cast. Do you think you can do work with that thing?" Red was in his late forties, with dark brown hair, blue eyes, and had dressed in casual clothes.98

I looked down at my cast, "Yeah, I can."99

"Okay, good. Now, I have to go to this meeting that they just threw at me this morning. Your resume indicated that you have worked as a cashier so I assume you know what to do. If not, the guys can help you out. I'm sorry this is late notice, however, you'll be paid tonight out of the till. Alright, I'll let you take over from here. I've got a ways to drive. The guys are in the storage room." Red walked past me, papers in hand. The bell rang again as he walked out.100

Movements were made in the storage room, and feeling awkward just standing there, I moved myself behind the counter to only find a mess of papers everywhere and a stereo below the cash register. Notes were stuck everywhere, indicating that people owed this and that, or that something happened with the freezer. Little pink and yellow notes sat on the cash register, letting you know the prices of certain products.101

"Bailey?" I heard a familiar voice.102

I turned to face the area of the storage room and recognized none other than Shelly. "You work here?"103

"Yeah, and so do you!," Shelly set down the cases of drinks in front of a tall cooler.104

I smiled, glad to work with someone I know, "So, how bad was your hang over?"105

"It wasn't too bad. I slept it off," Shelly opened the cooler and began transporting the drinks, "Were you hung over?"106

I sat down on a stool, "It was awful. My niece woke me up. Do you need help with those?"107

"With your cast? Honey, you're better off back there," Shelly continued his duty. Shelly wasn't as dressy as the night before. He wore the required red top, blue shorts, and his hair hadn't been combed, as it spiked all over the place. Shelly had an average body build; not too skinny. His movements didn't indicate anything out of the ordinary, but his voice ultimately threw off your first view on him.108

Some movement came from the storage room, making its way through the aisle, "Did the cashier get here yet? I have to run some errands." Julian stood beside Shelly unaware of me. Shelly continued working with the drinks and then nodded my way. "Oh. I didn't know dad hired you."109

"Yeah, I know. He was too busy to let us know anything," Shelly said.110

I smiled, "Red is your dad?"111

"Yep," Julian replied, "And Shelly here is my younger brother."112

I was surprised, "I didn't see the resemblance."113

"Most people don't. Well, I gotta run some errands. I'll be back in an hour. You two will be okay here?" and Julian walked out, ringing that bell.114

Shelly walked over, leaving the empty tray on the floor, "That's why we needed you today. Jules is going to be in and out of the store today. Has to run errands for mom and dad. Lucky bitch gets paid for it too. He has like, three jobs. I really need to find a job elsewhere."115

"Well, you get paid, too. It can't be that bad," I said, facing Shelly in the eyes, who had the same blue eyes as his father.116

He propped his head on his elbows, "Yeah, I suppose."117

Shelly made me practice on the till, bringing me products to run through the till and voiding them. He also made me tell him my experience and the kinds of scenarios I had run into. Finally, after fourty minutes of delliberation he trusted me at the till. Considering it was a Sunday, numerous customers came in and out, keeping me and Shelly busy; I, the cashier and him, the gas jockey.  Shelly was an entertaining person, even without the alcohol. After the customers left, he would begin rating the guys that had come in, or would complain about a person's outfit or attitude. He continuously made me laugh with his feminine voice and face expressions.118

"When I get bored I usually read the magazines," Shelly said, pointing to the magazine rack. "Dad never knows and no one ever catches me. Jules will let it slide." Shelly grabbed two magazines, planting one in front of me. He sat on the second stool, placing his magazine in the mess of papers and began reading. So, I did the same.119

Julian came walking in at dinner time. "An hour my ass!" Shelly said before Julian opened his mouth. "You better be sorry. Bailey and I were up to our elbows with customers."120

"Oh come on, it couldn't have been that busy," Julian said, smiling.121

Shelly flipped a page of his magazine, "It was. Ask Bailey."122

The brothers looked at me, and this was my cue to lie for Shelly, even though I didn't know why. However, I couldn't keep a straight face and didn't know what to say. "You are such a liar Shelly. But tell you what, since it's lunch, I'll buy. Since, you obviously had a real awful time without me here to help."123

We gave our food orders to Julian, Shelly making his complicated and large. Julian sighed and walked out, promising he would be back within twenty or so minutes. Shelly began mocking him, making me laugh at the stupidity of brotherhood. Then Shelly joined me outside for a cigarette. We sat on a bench that Shelly said he requested. It was a little odd to see a bench sitting outside of a convenience store. But Shelly wasn't too ordinary either. Shelly held his cigarette like a woman and flicked his ashes very womanly. I had to smile to myself, but he didn't notice.124

Julian came up in the black truck just as my stomach began to cry for food. I could smell the fast food as he got nearer to the bench. "Here is your burger and chicken fingers," he handed a bag to me. "And here are your mozza sticks, fries, and burger," he handed another bag to Shelly. He sat down beside Shelly, opening his own order. The birds chirped in the warm and sunny air, covering the silence as we ate. For a solid fifteen minutes, we weren't bothered by any customers.125

"So, is he always that complicated?" I asked Julian the minute that Shelly stepped inside.126

Julian dropped our remains into the garbage can near the gas pumps, "Always. The other night he had to have his champagne. But I made some extra money going to the next town for him."127

"He is quite a character," I lit my cigarette.128

For the rest of my shift, I continued flipping through magazines, while the guys watched a movie behind the counter. Shelly complained about the countless times he had to turn down the volume because of his duties as a gas jockey or the customers that came in. Julian laughed at him, telling him it wasn't the worst job in the world. I agreed silently. And in the meantime, I got to talk with Julian a bit more.129

Chapter 15130

I had expected to attend more parties after the first one, but Ariel and Greta didn't fall into the same pattern that I did. Occasionally, they picked me up to drive around or to go see a movie or visit at their places. Ariel didn't care where she was going or the amount of gas she was using but continued driving anywhere; Greta and I didn't complain or comment. It was just natural to drive down a gravel road, or over to the next towns, or any other place that was holding some type of event. During our trips I could count on Ariel or Greta blasting the music, turning it down whenever they had something to say.131

"My parents are going away in a few weeks," Greta said, turning down a song I was learning to like. "I was thinking we could have a small party or something." Despite the party at the lake, these girls weren't into big parties; they preferred a small get-together, not requiring a lot of attention.132

Ariel looked back at me, smiling, "Man, that is so perfect. Did you know that Kelsey, Drea, and Larissa are going out of town that weekend?" I didn't know. Ariel turned up the volume and I continued looking out the window, watching the fields and trees pass as we traveled down another gravel road.133

I learned more about Greta during our time together. Like Ariel, she was a natural blonde, smart, and had tattoos, hoping to get piercings next. She was an only child with both parents, who were protective of her. Shelly and Julian were her cousins but they saw each other more as siblings.134

The more I got to know them, the more I saw the fine invisible line that separated them from Tess and Farrah. It was almost like that invisible pattern of Blake's but I was seeing it if I looked closer. They never asked about certain things or pressed further for information; what I told them was good enough. And it felt great to be someone new with hidden secrets, because back in Lundar, it seemed that everyone knew who I was and what I was about. At one point, I felt like telling them more than I ever wanted, but I stopped myself because I can't figure out any of it. 135

I visited Janine and her family twice since the barbecue. Jazzy was always surprised to see me at her door step, always beaming when I talked with her and Jillian. Janine, after the summer, would return to teaching; Michael was one of the local cops. Even though Janine wasn't working during the summer, she was constantly busy, helping with fundraising and charities. So, most visits were spent with Jazzy and her grandmother.136

"This is my daughter, Gina," Jillian sat in the green arm chair with the photo album in her hand.137

It had been the tenth picture of Gina, but it wasn't tiring, "She was beautiful." Gina, had the face of an actress, flawless and very photogenic. Not even her 'bad' pictures could throw you off the fact that she was intensely attractive. Jillian's stories of Gina were extraordinary, as she traveled to exotic areas of the world, wrote short stories, and was never married. It was funny to imagine that Gina never settled down, considering she was probably always in the eye of any guy.138

"Here's your tea, grandma," Jazzy came strolling in, carrying a hot cup of tea. She wasn't as cautious as I expected her to be, but she was used to the routine that didn't have to be mentioned.139

Jillian gripped the tea from Jazzy's hands, "Thanks, dear."140

I was very amazed at the closeness between them, their constant laughter, talks, stories, events. They could finish each other's sentences, not realizing it. I could sit there for hours, listening to them because they helped me escape from that state of mind. And sometimes, I didn't know if I was in reality with them, or if it was a made-up story that I conjured just so I couldn't see what was really going on around me. But I could never know because Lundar was seven hours away, and that was my reality that I attempt to evade.141

Jazzy had no friends where her attachment to her grandmother developed. We would look through a photo album all about her and getting to class pictures, a deep, sad expression was created on her face, and her voice grew low, which I learned was a sign that she wasn't entirely happy. The moment that Jazzy asked, "Bailey, you have friends, what are they like?" I was stunned. I couldn't answer that question, afraid to deepen her sadness with stories of mine. And most of all, I didn't know if I wanted to return to Lundar in thought. I couldn't determine whether or not I wanted to describe people that I hadn't spoke to or saw, because it would only lead to memories that have been supressed for the time being.142

"Jazzy, friends are people who are there for you, they love and care for you, and they are people you can talk to," I replied to Jazzy's question as best as I could, hoping to not send a rip in her heart.143

Jazzy looked down, "Mom said almost the same thing. Do you think I'll ever have friends, Bailey?"144

"Of course you will. Some people are just close-minded and they don't see you for who you are. You're a great kid. And besides, I'm your friend," I said, hopefully cheering her up.145

Jazzy grinned, "Yeah, you're my friend. But what does close-minded mean?"146

"It just means," I smiled. "That people can't accept others or things because they are afraid mostly."147

I hugged my friends and said my goodbyes, notifying them I would visit again soon. "Come back on a rainy day, dear. We'll have the cinnamon buns ready," Jillian said before I walked out the door. I promised I would be careful as Jillian warned me of the dangers out there. Jazzy watched me from the window, behind the green curtains. I waved and walked down to the store.148