Chapter 71
Drea's cries woke me in the middle of the night and I haven't slept for over an hour. All thoughts kept racing back to my aggravating memories and my last day in Lundar. 2
Tired of the repeating images and words in my mind I turned the lamp on and lit a cigarette. It was so silent in the house; I don't know how I fell asleep without music. My walls were yet blank and white. The room was bare of furniture. The window sat half-way open and a slight breeze filled the room, hitting my face. I had been so tired but incapable of sleep.3
"Hey," Kelsey knocked on the door, her fist still intact, "I saw your light on. Drea didn't wake you, did she?"4
I flicked my cigarette out the window, "Uhh yeah, but it's fine. I was having a shitty dream, anyways," It was half of the truth.5
"What was it about?", Kelsey pushed the door open further and invited herself in, which she was entitled to due to the fact that it was her house, and I was just a guest.6
"I don't want to talk about it," I replied, trying not to sound bitchy.7
Kelsey sat herself on the bed, "I couldn't sleep, either. Another dream of Lucifer. Do you remember how he used to play with snakes?"8
Of course I remembered. We had a Polaroid of him, snake in hand, holding it towards his open mouth. It wasn't easy to forget. He was never easy to forget. "Yeah."9
"It's the third dream I had of snakes. The first two were just... weird. In one, there were humongous snakes. Larger than those, what are they called? They live in the Amazon."10
I took a drag of my cigarette, "Mum anacondas?"11
"Yeah! They were larger than those things. It was disgusting. In the second one, two long, skinny snakes crawled by my head. And when I looked up there were a large amount of snakes. Gosh, it was just disgusting and weird. And in this final third dream, I was at the zoo with Drea. We were looking at the big snake, and then Lucifer appeared and let the thing out of its cage. I started to warn him but he wasn't paying attention to me," Kelsey's voice was calm as she explained her dreams. 12
I couldn't understand the attitude of my sister; she was, from what I could see, very calm, motherly, and open. This was my sister who believed that life revolved around bigger things, such as the city, school, and traveling. I distinctly remember how much she was against love. She always believed that it was never real and it wouldn't happen to her. But it did and she fell hard in love for Lucifer; the only guy she ever really paid attention to.13
Kelsey, at one point, fell into a deep depression during her junior year. She was constantly crying, sometimes for no reason. I could find her crying over the smallest, matterless things. She became angry a lot, and almost dropped out of school, as she skipped two weeks of school. There was never any indication of a use of drugs, of course, she had her own experiences with alcohol. Sometimes, she would come home drunk or hung over. My parents disliked that, and got her into counselling. Counselling helped her, and she quit with alcohol and was a livelier person. Disregarding the extent that she had to go to, Kelsey afterward, a changed person, always made it clear that she wanted to make things happen for herself. 14
Kelsey was somewhat of a chameleon. Her beliefs and goals changed once again. She was this new person that I couldn't understand. I relate more to the person, or at least certain aspects of who I remember her to be. And now, I couldn't understand how open she was about the things she was thinking and feeling. It made me feel more secure about my own thoughts and feelings and secrets.15
"Gosh, it's three in the morning. I'm glad I don't have work until four. I'll be sleeping all day," Kelsey said.16
I flicked the end of my cigarette out the window, "Are you still a homecare attendant?"17
"Yeah," a grin grew on her face, "I'm done my schooling for it. It feels good to be done."18
I couldn't possibly know how that felt, as I had a year left to finish. "Well, that's good. Do you like your job?"19
"I do," she began nodding, "The elderly are such interesting people. They constantly have stories to tell you. They make me laugh. Some of them are my best friends. They especially have good advice, and can help me when I'm down."20
Elders do have good experience, as they lived through so much, but I couldn't comprehend the thrill of talking with an elder, "So, what's the downside to your job?"21
"Well, when your clients pass on, that's hard --"22
I interrupted Kelsey, "Well, they're old, Kels. They're bound to die sometime."23
Kelsey giggled her trademark giggle, "Gosh, Bailey, you really do see things different."24
"Yeah, I guess," I said, "Well, I cut you off. What else were you going to say?"25
She smiled, "At one point in my job, one of the old men grabbed at me. That's one thing we all hate dealing with. Other than that, I can't think of anything else that's really a downer in work. I can probably think of other things later."26
After talking a bit more, Kelsey decided she should try sleeping again. I shut the lamp off and just lay down. There was a complete silence but the room still held some light. Since I was little, I could never sleep with any light in the room. I've always done everything I could to cover it. But tonight, I prefer to just leave it as it is.27
Lyrics to my recent favorite song floated through my mind, the words were slowly reaching the tip of my tongue, and I wanted to say them aloud just because they explained my very thoughts and feelings. I desperately need them to be heard even if no one was listening.28
Chapter 829
The sun is my worst enemy, as it shone on my face through the window, constantly attempting to wake me up. I continued tossing over to hide in the darkness of my blankets but I was defeated. Minutes after throwing on a pair of shorts and a top, Kelsey called me downstairs.30
"Can you babysit Drea?" Kelsey asked, tossing her purse onto her shoulder.31
I yawned, "Sure."32
"Great! Thanks, it will sure save me the money of a babysitter," Kelsey smiled, "And also, we'll get you a stereo tomorrow afternoon for your room. I think I get the day off. Drea is asleep right now, so you're free for a few hours."33
Carrying pop tarts in one hand, I retrieved my CD's from the top drawer of my dresser. The stereo sat in the living room and I'd been eying it all morning. Sliding a few CD's in, I instantly heard the voices that I needed to hear. I keep it a low volume to hear Drea.34
I light myself a cigarette and listen to the words. I know them by heart, always have.35
The pictures on the wall attract me and I stand before them, studying the people I don't know. A silver frame holds a picture of Kelsey and I, before Lucifer entered her life. My dark brown hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, my clothes and face are full of paint. Kelsey stands beside me, her arm wrapped around my shoulder. Her light brown hair consist of masses of red paint. We'd been painting the garage that day and we started having a paint war after she drew some paint down the back of my shirt. Mom and dad were watching us from the deck and brought out a camera.36
Another silver frame held a Polaroid of Kelsey, with a caption underneath, "Eight months". Her belly was huge, her breasts bigger, her face flushed. I took that photo, catching Kelsey at her worst. We had photos of Kelsey each month she reached but this was the only one against the wall.37
My family had a thing with cameras. We constantly had different types of cameras in the cabinet. Pictures were taken almost all of the time. A couple of months ago, mom took a picture of Farrah, Dirk, Tess, and I when we came downstairs hung over. Our eyes were slightly low and bloodshot, our hair mussed, our clothes ragged. It was the first picture of the four of us but it was accidentally destroyed when my parents were cleaning.38
There was a sudden knock at the door, and I was torn from the wall of pictures. I turned the music down and tended to the door.39
"I'm sorry I'm late," a red-haired girl said to me as she was digging in her purse, "Larissa took the car again. I couldn't get an answer here and it took me forever just to get a ride. Thankfully, Jane came to my rescue," the girl looked up at me after she finished rummaging through her purse. Her red hair was a bright red, not her natural color. She was a tad bit taller than me and wore a pink top with jean shorts. "Oh, hi, I'm Ariel."40
I smiled, "I'm --"41
"I know who you are. Kelsey told me about you. And I totally forgot that it was this week you were coming!" she began smiling. The girl was about my age. "And I suppose you're babysitting your niece?"42
I nodded my head, "She forgot to mention you, though."43
Ariel invited herself in, "So, what are you listening to?"44
"My CD's," I replied.45
She sat herself down on the lavender couch, "Do you mind if I use the phone?"46
"Sure, go ahead," I replied. 47
Ariel began dialing and waited for a response. I walked to the kitchen, grabbing an orange from the fridge. I began studying the black and white pictures. They were once colored photos but they looked more attractive with Kelsey's ideas. Another silver frame held a photo of my older brother. His dark brown hair was mussed, his eyes were almost shut, and he was yawning as he stretched. Mom took that photo the morning of his job interview.48
"Your sister left me a message and I never got it. And I didn't realize that her car wasn't parked outside. Man, I am a true blonde!" Ariel joined me in the kitchen, "I'm a natural blonde," she explained, knowing I must have been curious as to what she meant. With her bright red hair I couldn't imagine her as a blonde.49
Drea's mumbles were heard, and I looked down at my cast, "Shit." Ariel was heading for the door, "Ariel, do you think you can help me out?"50
Ariel looked at me funny, "What do you mean?"51
"My cast. I can't pick her up," I smiled.52
She smiled, walking over to Drea's room, "Man, I didn't pick up on that."53
Tending to Drea, she recognized Ariel instantly and gave off a bright smile. Ariel set her on the floor and Drea began walking off. We followed her into the living room. My music was playing softly and I whispered the words in my mind. Ariel sat there, listening to the words, not commenting on the song what so ever.54
Ariel helped me fix something for Drea to eat. Ariel sat her in the high chair, explaining that Drea liked to constantly move when she's on a chair. At one point, she fell off, creating the small scar on her forehead. We fed her, while Ariel and I had a conversation. She was good friends with Kelsey. Her sister, Larissa is a co-worker of Kelsey's, and that's how she began babysitting for Kelsey. Not once did she ask for history about me, and I liked that about Ariel. I expected her to be the type of person who needs to have answers about something she couldn't possibly know about. 55
Now, six o'clock in the evening, we dragged Drea's playpen outside and sat her in it. Ariel joined me in the lawn chairs, and I lit up a cigarette. Again, Ariel didn't make a comment. She wasn't a smoker, either. Ariel informed that she had nothing to do today, so she decided to stay and help with Drea. I offered her something to eat but she refused, as she said she was full from the dinner she had at home.56
"We're on a 'break' he says," Ariel and I moved onto the topic of guys, "Whatever that means. He is so complicated. I think he's cheating on me."57
I flicked my cigarette over the deck and onto the ground, "So, how come you don't dump him?"58
"Because I'm going to get him back. He's not going to make a fool out of me! Larissa said to dump him, too. Kelsey is encouraging me to get him back. I just have to find the right guy to do it," Ariel said, smiling, "So, what about you?"59
I thought back to Lundar and the guys I used to be involved with, but I had been single for over a year, "Nope. No boyfriend. All the guys in Lundar are just the same, you know?"60
"Yeah, I know. One day, you will find him, Bailey. You will," Ariel was smiling again.61
An hour later, Kelsey and Larissa pulled up in their own vehicles. Larissa was the exact same height as Kelsey. She, too was a natural blonde. She didn't resemble Ariel at all. She immediately introduced herself.62
"Gosh, Bailey, I forgot about your cast!" Kelsey began saying, "Shit, Ariel thank you for being so blonde and coming over."63
Ariel laughed, "You're welcome. The pleasure is all mine."64
Kelsey picked up Drea, thought for a few seconds, "Hey, Ariel, do you think you can still be my babysitter? I'm sure Bailey won't mind you here. And vice versa. You'll get along fine. I just don't want Bailey messing with her cast."65
"Sure," Ariel replied.66
Chapter 967
For a few days, I got to know Ariel a bit more. Larissa and her were living alone for the past few years, their parents passed away when Larissa was only twenty, and Ariel only fourteen. She quit school and came back to Kelstern to take care of Ariel. Larissa met Kelsey a few years later in school for home care.68
Ariel knew how to dress, she did well in school, and she could make me laugh with her silly attitude. She was a carefree person, not taking in what others thought. Ariel would tell me of her best friend, Greta. They attended parties and loved to have a good time. Ariel showed me the tattoo of a black fairy at the back of her right calf.69
"Hey, my friend, Tess likes fairies. So, did it hurt a lot to get it done? I've been wanting one forever, but I kept passing up the chance because I kept blowing my money on other things," I explained.70
Ariel thought for a second, "Umm it hurt yeah, but it was worth it. Some people don't experience as much pain. Greta got her tattoo near her big toe, and she said there wasn't a lot of pain. She sat in that chair, talking to me. I sat in the next cubicle, getting mine done."71
Ariel read the names, pictures, and phrases engraved on my cast, not commenting on any of them. She grabbed a black marker from the drawer and began writing. Drea sat in the living room, watching cartoons on the television.72
Larissa and Kelsey walked in the door, "Hey girls, we got off early today. Bailey, you want to go and buy your stereo today? I just got paid and I finally have the time."73
Ariel set the marker down and I pulled my cast closer to me, "Sure."74
Larissa said, "Ariel, we gotta buy some groceries. Come on. Oh, and Greta left a message on the machine for you." Ariel and Larissa said their goodbyes before leaving.75
I locked the doors, as Kelsey walked Drea to the car. The sun was warm and there was a slight breeze in the air. Drea sat in her carseat in the back, all locked up. She had a few toys to entertain herself. Kelsey turned the radio on and a song that I clearly remember playing at a party began. I was still trying to avoid the thoughts of Lundar and everything back there, so I turned the station. 76
"Bad memories?" Kelsey asked, and like mom, she didn't let me reply, "That happens to certain songs that remind me of Lucifer. And of course, other things. But mainly Lucifer."77
Parking in front of Radio Shack, I got out and Kelsey grabbed Drea. We headed in and began looking for a stereo that wasn't too pricey. I wasn't about to be picky either, considering I wasn't paying for anything. We settled on a black stereo that was just in our price range. Kelsey picked out a webcam for her computer and we headed to the cash register. After paying, a cute guy, carried the stereo to the car for us, as I am handicapped and Kelsey's arms were full with Drea.78
On the way back, Kelsey stopped for a milkshake; I didn't want anything. Drea had fallen fast asleep in her chair. Kelsey stood inside, talking with someone, when I saw Jazzy and Janine walking by. I rolled down my window, "Hey Jazzy! Janine!" They looked towards the maroon car, and Jazzy recognized me.79
"Hey Bailey! I thought you were coming to visit?" Jazzy asked.80
Janine smiled, "Hello again, dear. How are you?"81
I replied, "I'm good. How are you?"82
"We're good. We just came for a stroll. My mother is at an appointment right now."83
Jazzy looked in the back seat, "Who is that, Bailey?"84
"That's my niece Drea," I said, "We just went and bought some stuff and she conked out when she was put back into her carseat."85
Jazzy smiled, "She's cute. Bailey, can you come visit us tomorrow?"86
"Honey, we're going to visit your grandparent's tomorrow. Bailey, you should come on Sunday. We're having a barbecue," Janine interrupted. She rummaged through her purse for a pen and a paper, scribbled some writing down, "This is our address."87
I set the paper in my pocket, "Okay, thanks Janine. I'll see you guys on Sunday." Jazzy and Janine said their goodbyes and continued walking. I watched them as they continued down the street, they were having a conversation that filled them with laughter and smiles.88
Moving objects onto the night stand, I set up my stereo on the dresser; Kelsey was in the other room setting up her webcam. She preferred to have the computer upstairs because there was more room. The music played nicely and it was perfect. I sat on the bed and looked out the window. I rested my cast on the window sill. I forgot about Ariel writing on it, and it took me some time to find where she wrote. When I found it, she had written in neat, bubbly letters, I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time, along with a drawing and her name. I couldn't understand what she meant by that phrase. I knew I had heard it at one time but I couldn't place my finger on it.89
"So, how's the stereo?" Kelsey opened the door.90
I looked at her, "It's good. Thanks, Kels."91
"No problem. Well, I finished up in the computer room. I'm heading to bed. Good night."92
Kelsey shut the door and I shut the lamp off. I lay on the bed, thinking about that phrase once again. And I thought about Jazzy and Janine. I hadn't been to a barbecue for over two years.93
From my view through the window, the stars shone brightly and the moon hung high. I began wondering about Tess, Dirk, and Farrah. Their faces came to my mind instantly, as they were the three faces that I was much too familiar with.94
Tess, a tall, medium built girl. Heavy into rock music, she always had a wardrobe indicating she's different. Her wrists consisted of constant wrist bands. She's beautiful and hoped to be a model one day. She's the one I could tell my secrets, feelings, and thoughts to but I'm too far from that.95
Short, like me, Farrah constantly wears black and chains around her neck. A lot of the times, I learned of bands and songs from her. At the age of eighteen, she graduated and is moving onto college, where she's taking a photography course. From her photos, I could see her potential.96
Dirk, the tall, skinny one. The only male in our group. He constantly wears black and spikes his hair. Sitting together on the school bus was always fun. He's a lot different than the other guys I know, and that's the one trait I like about him. He can hold a conversation and I've learned a lot from him with the knowledge he holds.97
It feels awful to think that it's almost three weeks since I last saw Farrah and Tess; Dirk, almost a month. It's possible I could make a phone call but what can I say? I don't even remember a lot from the last party. I have no words to speak.98
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