The men in jail worked day and night, like they did everyday. 1
"The sun is strong! It's hot as hell below!" one man cried. 2
"I've done no wrong! Sweet Jeasus hear my prayer!" another cried. One of the soulderes kicked him from behind.3
"Keep quiet, Sweet Jeasus doesn't care." he smirked. "If you had converted to Jashin at the time of your crime, he wouldn't have helped you then!"4
"Now bring prisoner 24601!" Pein yelled from accross the workyard. Guards brought a man in hand cuffs up to him. "Your time's up, and your prole has begun. Which means-"5
"It means I am free!" the prisoner cheered.6
"No! I means you are getting your yellow ticket-of-leave!" 7
Thank god, the man thanked god. 8
Pein snorted. "Theif."9
"I just stole a loaf of bread!"10
"Psh, you robbed a house."11
"I jsut broke the window pain!" the man sighed. "My sister's child is getitng close to death, and is very sick. We where starving-"12
Pein inturrepted. "Your going to starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law!"13
"Sir! I know the meaning of the ninteen years of slavery I went threw. Of the law."14
Pein laughed. "Your in here for a reason."15
"All because I stole bread?"16
"More than that!" Pein shook his finger. He really seems to enjoy this, the man thought. "Five years for the stolen bread! The rest of these years because you tried to escape, 24601!"17
The mean stepped a foot closer to Pein. "My name is Yodamine!"18
"And I am Pein! Do not forget my name, 24601."19
"How will I?" Yodamine smiled.20
Pein rolled his eyes and left the workyard. The guards holding Yodamine took him, and set him free.21
But, he didn't know where to go. He srolled the streets of France, looking for a Tavern or an Inn to stay at. 22
Finally, he found a church at the end of town. Not caring about who was in there, he tip-toed in and saw a big table with food on it, shiny candle sticks and goblets where set on the table, perfectly set in place.23
"Hello, Sir." a priest said, walking out from the shadows.24
"Excuse me for tresspacing, I'll leave." Yodamine said, backing out of the church.25
"No, it's alright. Come in, eat. You seem like your tired. You stay the night." 26
"I honsetly couldn't impose.-"27
"No, no. I don't mind." the priest looked at a chair. "Sit, enjoy yourself."28
Yodamine gave in and sat down at the table. Quickly he started eatting, reason being, he never ate real food in years. Prison food had no good taste at all.29
The priest smiled. "Well, I am leaving now."30
"Wait, what?" 31
"There's a bed in the room over there-" he pointed to a room to the right. "-You may sleep there for tonight. I am going to bed at home. Have a good night."32
"You trust me?" Yodamine asked him, a little shocked. 33
Yodamine had been a man in prison for alot of years. Only for stealing a mier loaf of bread, and breaking the window in the porcess. It has only been an hour since he has been set free, and he is trusted alread.34
The priest nodded. "You have... a trustowrthy face. Good anough to become an importent person in a town."35
"Thank you, sir."36
The priest turned for the door. "Have a good night."37
"You too!" Yodamine said, and the door to the church sslammed shut, from the wind.38
"I can't believe it." He told himself. "A second chance? After years and years of jail. And I'm on parole.. if I do someting bad now, I won't get out for another thiry years." he looked up at the candle sticks and goblets. "Shiny."39
The next morning, the Priest came to the church to see two police men and their horses outside. He ran quickly over. "Officers? What seem's to be the problem?"40
The two officers turned around, and Yodamine was in handcuffs.41
"This man says you gave him these candle sticks." One of them held up the shiny candlesticks.42
"He's on parole, and stealing something is going to send him right back for more years of Pain!" the other laughed.43
"Excuse me, but this man is telling the turth." 44
Yodamine, and the two officers looked him, wide eyes.45
"What?"46
"Yes, and he forgot these." the priest went into his church, and then came back out with two goblets. "I had given these to you too, Sir."47
The officers looked at Yodamine. He was smiling.48
They took him out of the hand cuffs and Yodamine took the goblets.49
"Alright then. Have a nice day!" one of the officers said, and they rode back into town.50
"Sir-?" Yodamine started, but the priest cut him off.51
"Alright, you listen here. God and I both believe you still have a chance to amke your life right. All you need to do is try. And you will never go in jail again."52
"Okay, sir. I will. I promise."53
"Good. Now," the priest searched his pocket for something. He took out something and stuffed it inn Yodamines hand. "Take this. And sell the gold candlesticks and goblets, and sell them. STart a new life, and make it right."54
Todamine opened his hand and 10,00 frances where set in the palm of his hand. "Sir? I can't honsetly take all this money!"55
"Take it, now go." and the priest went inside the church.56
Yodamine sighed. "Alright. I will." he smiled. Then walked into town, and walked rihgt into his new life.
How is my true style of writing?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Your true style of writing? hmmmm... You don't really describe the suroundings I didn't know if it was day, night, raining or sunny. I would like to know what kind of food he was eating and how the church looked This is a great story! And here is something I do. I draw my story out first and then I color it. It seems you have drew it and it needs to be colored I enjoyed it but trust me I would have been alot more captured if I new how tight the handcuffs were if the guards were fat or skinny if the preist was fat or skinny. I love picturing the characters in my mind


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good


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why thank you! xD
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Forgot to give you mah ratings lol
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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*nods in approvement*
This was a very structured piece of work. I knew youd be able to create a serious piece of literature. I really enjoyed it. It captivated my interest, and kept me reading. Keep up the good work, Senpaiii! x3
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