1
Although Arkanots were telepathic, sometimes for their own piece of mind, they would shut themselves off telepathically from the whole. In this state they were vulnerable to attack without alerting other Arkanots. I would discover this later.2
I met Cheryl at work a year before and she and I would kid around and tell jokes. I never really thought of her as a serious interest, although I did like her a lot. She was quite attractive, but for some reason I couldn't explain then, I had no sexual interest in her. She was twenty-five, had no children, and was my supervisor. We worked for blood suckers, a finance company.3
It had been sometime since I had been out with a woman and longer since I had sex and on a quirk, it occurred to me that Cheryl might be willing to go out. I had never seen her with a guy and she never mentioned one. I even thought she might be a lesbian. Anyway, she was fun and I was very horny and I figured, 'What the heck.'4
"Would you like to go clubbing with me," I asked bluntly.5
She smiled, "What am I? The last woman on earth."6
I got the point. I had taken my time.7
It is kind of dangerous going out with your boss anyway, so I was thinking about backing down.8
"Okay," she said suddenly and I think she was as surprised as I was.9
"Pick you up at 8:00?"10
"Oh so you are trying to pick me up, are you?"11
"You couldn't weigh more than 300lbs.," I returned. She weighed about 135lbs. and was 5'8". She had ocean blue eyes and a dark hair. I was actually beginning to think about her figure.12
She laughed.13
"Where do you live?" I asked.14
"This side of Mars."15
"Okay then, you pick me up. Look in the file for my address, you extraterrestrial."16
When I got home, I took a shower and shaved though I could have got by. I was old fashioned and splashed on some Old Spice.17
She arrived promptly at eight. We went to a country western club. It was large and had over a hundred people in it. There was a dance floor, of course.18
We got drinks. Alcohol is another thing I discovered Arkanots are not wise to drink. I don't think she had ever tried it.19
"Let's dance."20
"I don't know how," she said and I couldn't believe her.21
She was twenty-five and certainly should know how to dance. Or so I reasoned. I drug her out on the dance floor and sure enough, she stepped all over my feet. After about our fifth dance with determination and coaching on my part, she got through a dance without bruising my toes.22
I could tell she was delighted.23
"You are unbelievable," I remarked.24
She laughed, "You don't know the half of it."25
I was beginning to think I didn't. She was like no woman I'd been with before, but she was a lot of fun.26
I was just an average guy, but I thought of myself as almost handsome. It was clear that she liked me, so that was really all that mattered.27
She really enjoyed dancing and drinking. We danced through the night. I didn't think she should drive, so I suggested she let me drive her home. I wasn't at all certain how to handle it. I didn't know when she agreed to let me drive her if she was expecting sex and I also didn't know if having sex with my boss was such a good idea. Not having sex with her could be a bad idea, I was in a quandary. 28
I helped her to her apartment and it was clear that she was not ready for the party to end. So I tried to kiss her. She didn't respond. Instead she looked almost horrified. I was deeply puzzled.29
"Don't tell me you have never kissed?" 30
"No," in a serious tone she continued. "I think we have gone far enough."31
I was taken aback. Put downs I had had, but this was a shock. She had been eating it up.32
"Why?"33
She didn't answer.34
"You're not going to fire me now, are you?"35
"No. I just think we have gone too far."36
I didn't know if I was coming or going, but I was a healthy male alone with an eligible woman and I wasn't quite ready to give it up. I could stop with a kiss. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go further, but I did intend to try for a kiss. Damn it! There were other jobs.37
Slowly, looking her in the eyes I approached her again. I kissed her on the lips. Her eyes watered but she did not open her mouth.38
"We can't do this," she said nearly in tears.39
"Why not?" I asked and frankly I was beginning to get a little pissed.40
"I can't tell you. You had better go."41
"No, I am going to wait for an explanation. We have been together all night and had a great time, what in the hell has gone sour?" I demanded.42
If it had not been for the alcohol, she would have probably never told me.43
"I'm not human."44
"Somehow I am almost willing to believe that, sister," I said angrily. "Try another one."45
"I'm serious."46
"And so am I," I was really pissed. "Prove it."47
Slowly she unbuttoned her blouse. Under her bra were two smaller tits where there shouldn't have been any. I sat down in shock. All interest in sex was gone. So was my sanity. She was an alien or I had lost my mind. I was certain I had not had that much to drink. I figured I must be going bananas.48
"I think I must kill you," she said.49
That statement kind of floated passed me. I was still in shock. That and for some unknown reason, I didn't feel she was a threat.50
Questions began to pop into my head.51
"Where are you from?" I asked.52
"I was born here near Los Angeles."53
"Are you a mutant?"54
"No. I am an Arkanot."55
"What is that?"56
"We are descendants of a civilization thousands of light years away."57
"Are you really going to try to kill me?"58
"I am afraid that I must."59
"You are one hell of a date," I laughed, though I don't now know why it seemed funny, but my laughter may have saved my life.60
"This is very unfortunate." she stated.61
"Why must you kill me," I asked.62
"It is too soon for our presence to be known."63
"How many of you are there."64
"Millions."65
I was crazy. I believed my eyes and I believed what she was saying. Anybody would say I was nuts.66
"Are you telling me, that it is either you or me, but one of us must die?"67
I was not about to kill her, but I did not intend to allow her to kill me, either.68
"There must be some way to work this out." I said logically.69
"I can't take the chance that you could convince anyone of our existence."70
"The authorities will know sooner or later." I observed.71
"Yes, but not until we are ready."72
"So this is a takeover."73
"Yes, we are colonizing your planet."74
"Why?"75
"It is our way, we are masters of the universe."76
Had she been in telepathic communication with the rest of her people my fate would have been sealed. However, between the alcohol and her genuine feelings for me, she did not want to kill me. She was trying hard to think of a way to spare me. Perhaps, even if it meant her own life. I did not know this then.77
"I will have to fight you," I said honestly.78
"I cannot betray my people," she replied.79
"Can't there be a truce between us; your people and mine."80
"I have never known of such."81
"Instead of fighting now, let's think about it for a week and then we can have another night out. I promise I will not say anything. Maybe we will come up with an idea."82
I knew it was insane. If what she said was true, I should kill her and offer her body as proof that we had been invaded. However, murder was not in me. It seemed that killing me was not in her, either.83
"Can I trust you?" she asked.84
"We have to trust each other."85
I kissed her on her forehead and it lifted her up. She was demonstrating in this crazy way more concern than any woman had ever shown me. I kissed her lips and hugged her. Though she did not return the kiss, she did return my hug.86
The week that followed I practically did not sleep. If I tried to tell anyone, they would think I was nuts. I half expected her to disappear, but each day at work she was there. We exchanged knowing glances, but we didn't joke as we usually did and we talked only when we had to. I had no idea what she was thinking or what she might plan, but I realized that my life might depend on her decision.87
Author notes
Chapter 3
option 2
In a list
A contest entry
- Diversity Goes - - II by IvoryRose.
250 points, ended August 1, 2006, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Entertain me. by Token Massacre.
350 points, ended December 9, 2006, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Super Special Science fiction by Magma Globe.
125 points, ended April 13, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Along Came a Chapter... by Chemical Imbalance.
350 points, ended July 15, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
-
I really enjoyed all the chapters, I liked the way you described your characters and the imagy. It is a brillient story but maybe leave as a novala try getting it published it is brillient story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Ohh, now I see who Cheryl is; I really should pay better attention to jumping into chapter 7 like that...this was cool! I'm afraid I must kill you, hahaha. I really liked that Cheryl was horrified to find that she had feelings for this human.
-
-
Thanks
There was no indication that you were jumping into a chapter 7 of a novella in the title. Perhaps I should show that these are chapters in the title.
Yep, Cheryl has a little too much to drink and finds herself with a dilemma.
Andy
-
-
If she was born here is she still an alien?
Good Morning Andy, haven’t got a lot of time left before Brooke zaps the list
. But I did want to comment.
I like this novel it reads like a television serial. You seem to be able to make each chapter almost a complete story in itself but with a hook into another
.
Now we have a female alien
. I was wondering about that. A human male—good addition to the mix. Of course now we have attraction and I gather eventually emotion between the two. A lot to build on .
If she was born here is she still an alien?
I do still wonder was her mommy human?
More! More!
Geri
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Hmm.
She had an Arkanot father and a human mother. Born in a breeding colony. She is telepathically connected to the Arkanot collective whole. Most of the Arkanot traits or genes are dominant. Yep, her mommy was human and probably eaten by now
. Since she was born in the US, I guess that would make her a US citizen, but she is still a part of the alien invasion force.
Thanks for all the applause.
Andy
-
-
So we get our first glimpse at Arkanot integration into human society.
We also find they have a collective mental telepathy to communicate with. Interesting. Reminds me of the Borg in Star Trek. *chuckles*
I found this chapter both interesting and quite amusing.
Cheryl's position as a supervisor at a finance company shows they are climbing the economic ladder quickly. A good strategy for gaining power and control before the takeover attempt.
They also seem to make friends easily while trying to keep their distance.
The amusing part is this first date between the two races and her loss of control and indecision due to alcohol. It's nice to see we humans aren't the only ones with that problem. *laughs*
So will she kill him? Will he keep quite? Hmm.
I like how this chapter 'breaks the ice' on what is about to happen. It looks like things are about to get interesting.
Nicely done!
Greg
-
-
Thanks Greg
I'm very glad that you found this chapter interesting and amusing. I strive for humor throughout this novella. Alcohol definitely loosened her up. Hopefully you will enjoy the rest.
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.
Andy
-
-
Apparently I'd read this before. I really liked this piece. It kind of felt out of place with the first two pieces I read, but I do like the direction this is going. I'm wondering how all this fits together...very cool stuff regardless.
-
-
Thanks Phil
Thanks for reading this again. Hopefully it will make sense to you as it goes on. It fits together in my mind. I'm glad that you are enjoying this story. Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding again
Andy
-
-
Very suspenseful indeed. I enjoy the element of surprise in some instances. For example, I predicted she wasn't human. What I did not predict was that she had to kill him and there are millions like her on our planet. Anyways, I congratulate you on a job well done and your previous trophie. Also, I wish you luck in my contest!
~Kevan~beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thanks, Kevan
I am very pleased that you found this story enjoyable. I'm glad it held some surprises for you. It is the third chapter from my novella, "Invasion of Stagna 3". It is in my lists. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. I hope you have many entries almost as good as mine. I also hope you have a lot of fun.
Andy
-
-
What a bizarre story! I like knowing the backround information about the alien people, it made the story much more interesting. The part about not telling anyone that Earth would be invaded, thats unpredictabe. I would have expected him to go nuts and try to tell someone. Then again, his life is on the line, right?
Very imaginative story, thank you for your entry! -
-
Thanks, Sarah
Thanks for hosting this contest, reading and commenting. I hope you have a lot of great entries and much fun. This story comes from my novella, "Invasion of Stagna 3". It is in my lists on my author's page. The reason he didn't tell anyone is that he figured people would think he was nuts. In fact, he wonders from time to time if he isn't losing it. I'm very pleased that you like this. Thanks again.
Andy
-
-
What a bizarre story this was! Would like to read on to see the rest of the story. I found it kind of funny and quite interesting. I think I'll try to read the other pieces. You have piqued my interest! Nice work!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
-
-
Thanks
I'm glad that you like this story. The rest of the novella can be found on my page in my lists, "Invasion of Stagna 3". It is fast paced and has touches of humor throughout. It is relatively short. There are 12 chapters, each is short and exciting. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Andy
-
-
Good story Andy - I just wish that I had realised that it was the third chapter of your story. It reads well enough as a stand-alone, however it takes away from it when you know you've missed the first two chapters - I'll have to go and find them now. Hopefully they'll add a bit of flesh to the story.
The only small piece of pedantry that I really have for you is that I would change the word 'drug' to 'dragged' in line / paragraph 21.
Cheers,
GoNE -
-
Dear Gone,
Thanks very much for reading my this chapter. It is a part of a novella which is about 10,000 words or so. There are twelve short chapters. It is fast paced with touches of humor mixed with sci-fi and what could be reality. I think you will like it. It is in my list, "Invasion of Stagna 3" Thanks again for reading and commenting.
Andy
-
-
Hilarious
This is toooo much! It's a good thing that the aliens can turn off their mind reading and it's only natural they should have a low tolerance for alcohol. This has to be the wierdest first date in the history of the world. I like this little change of pace. It brings the human element back for awhile. If the guy hadn't been half plastered he wouldn't have believed her at all. The blouse scene, now that's the real kicker! This is going good.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thanks, Nichtmich
Thanks again for reading, commenting and the applause. I am very glad that you found this humorous. That had been my intention and also the tone I hoped to set for the remainder of the novella. I like the interplay of the seriousness of the invasion with the humor of their romance. I am glad that you are enjoying this.
Andy
-
-
For now I'm reading for content and not for spelling errors and such. That would come later when it's ready to be polished.
This gives us the love portion of the peice.
Now, the girl on the table in part one? who is she or is it going to matter?
This portion does tie in with the other two sections, but doesn't give us much to go on yet. Would make a nice stand alone peice too.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 1, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
-
-
The girl on the table is no longer important, in fact; after she lost her usefulness as a breeder, she would be eaten. The Arkanots regard humans as breeders and a food source.
Andy
-
-
interesting idea, while I didn't find it overly amusing it did in fact entertain me. thanks for taking the time to enter my contest. I think you could have gone into more details about their surroundings the characters themselves and the alien. Otherwise it was a great start.
-
-
Thanks
This is from my novella, Invasion of Stagna 3. It is funnier in its entirety, but it is not really meant as a strictly humorous story. I tried to incorporate humor. Anyway, this novella is the closest thing I have to humor in my story writing, I think. I am glad that it entertained you. The novella is my favorite completed story.
Andy
-
-
Very interesting piece. This is by far one of the most intriguing stories I've ever read. You have all this figured out. Your characters make a lot of sense too. They work very well with your plot. You could add more descriptive details, but your style works well even without. This is a cery interesting write. Good luck.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
It is a daunting and tedious process. I spent nearly four years writing editing and re-writing my first novel, but I am sure you are up to the task. Just take it one step at a time.
-
I appreciate your time and effort in critiquing my short novel, but it is a lot to apply. I am not certain I am able. I guess my goal here is to improve, but I like it as it was. Now I feel it needs a lot of work at a level that may be beyond me.
-
Although Arkanots were telepathic, sometimes for their own piece of mind, they would shut themselves off telepathically from the whole. In this state they were vulnerable to attack without alerting other Arkanots. I would discover this later.
I met Cheryl at work a year before…a year before what?
and she and I would kid around and tell jokes. I never really thought of her as a serious interest, although I did like her a lot. She was quite attractive, but for some reason I couldn't explain then, I had no sexual interest in her. She was twenty-five, had no children, and was my supervisor. We worked for blood suckers, a finance company… is blood suckers the name of the finance company?
It had been sometime since I had been out with a woman and longer since I had sex and on a quirk, it occurred to me that Cheryl might be willing to go out… run-on sentence
I had never seen her with a guy and she never mentioned one. I even thought she might be a lesbian. Anyway, she was fun and I was very horny and I figured, 'What the heck.'… You are using the pronoun “I” too much. See if you can eliminate some of them.
"Would you like to go clubbing with me," I asked bluntly.
She smiled, "What am I? The last woman on earth."
I got the point. I had taken my time.
It is kind of dangerous going out with your boss anyway, so I was thinking about backing down.
"Okay," she said suddenly and I think she was as surprised as I was.
"Pick you up at 8:00?"
"Oh so you are trying to pick me up, are you?"
"You couldn't weigh more than 300lbs.," I returned. She weighed about 135lbs. and was 5'8". She had ocean blue eyes and a dark hair. I was actually beginning to think about her figure.
She laughed.
"Where do you live?" I asked.
"This side of Mars."
"Okay then, you pick me up. Look in the file for my address, you extraterrestrial."
When I got home, I took a shower and shaved though I could have got by. I was old fashioned and splashed on some Old Spice.
She arrived promptly at eight. We went to a country western club… Does this club have a name? It was large and had over a hundred people in it. There was a dance floor, of course.
We got drinks. Alcohol is another thing I discovered Arkanots are not wise to drink…. what else can’t they drink? I don't think she had ever tried it.
"Let's dance."
"I don't know how," she said and I couldn't believe her.
She was twenty-five and certainly should know how to dance. Or so I reasoned. I drug her out on the dance floor and sure enough, she stepped all over my feet. After about our fifth dance with determination and coaching on my part, she got through a dance without bruising my toes… As a reader, I am not engaged in this because you are simply telling me what is happening. You need to show me.
I could tell she was delighted… how could you tell? Show your reader her delight instead of simply telling them.
"You are unbelievable," I remarked… You need some more details. Did you smile when you said it, or did you bite your lip and glance away?
She laughed, "You don't know the half of it."
I was beginning to think I didn't….Why?
She was like no woman I'd been with before, but she was a lot of fun…I am feeling really lost here. You have not given the reader enough details to come to this conclusion. What are you basing your conclusion on?
I was just an average guy, but I thought of myself as almost handsome. It was clear that she liked me, so that was really all that mattered.
She really enjoyed dancing and drinking… How do you know? Did she tell you?
We danced through the night. …Show your reader this
I didn't think she should drive, … what made you think she should not drive?
so I suggested she let me drive her home. I wasn't at all certain how to handle it. I didn't know when she agreed to let me drive her if she was expecting sex and I also didn't know if having sex with my boss was such a good idea. Not having sex with her could be a bad idea, I was in a quandary.
I helped her to her apartment and it was clear that she was not ready for the party to end. …what made this clear?
So I tried to kiss her. She didn't respond. Instead she looked almost horrified. I was deeply puzzled… use imagery for example:
I got out and walked around the car to open the door for her.
She sat there looking at me with a big grin, but her eyes were not focused on anything. Her hair fell in soft curls all around her face, and I held my breath for a moment, thinking about how beautiful she was. I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers, but she didn’t respond. The grin on her face became more of a horrified grimace as she pulled her head away.
"Don't tell me you have never kissed?"
"No," in a serious tone she continued. "I think we have gone far enough."
I was taken aback. Put downs I had had, but this was a shock. She had been eating it up.
"Why?"
She didn't answer.
"You're not going to fire me now, are you?"
"No. I just think we have gone too far."
I didn't know if I was coming or going, but I was a healthy male alone with an eligible woman and I wasn't quite ready to give it up. I could stop with a kiss. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go further, but I did intend to try for a kiss. Damn it! There were other jobs.
Slowly, looking her in the eyes I approached her again. I kissed her on the lips. Her eyes watered but she did not open her mouth.
"We can't do this," she said nearly in tears.
"Why not?" I asked and frankly I was beginning to get a little pissed.
"I can't tell you. You had better go."
"No, I am going to wait for an explanation. We have been together all night and had a great time, what in the hell has gone sour?" I demanded.
If it had not been for the alcohol, she would have probably never told me.
"I'm not human."… this was a very anti-climactic moment. You need to build up to it and make it more dramatic.
"Somehow I am almost willing to believe that, sister," I said angrily. "Try another one."… why are you mad? Frustrated I could see, but I don‘t understand you being angry.
"I'm serious."
"And so am I," I was really pissed. "Prove it."
Slowly she unbuttoned her blouse. Under her bra were two smaller tits where there shouldn't have been any. I sat down in shock. All interest in sex was gone. So was my sanity. She was an alien or I had lost my mind. I was certain I had not had that much to drink. I figured I must be going bananas.
"I think I must kill you," she said.
That statement kind of floated passed me. I was still in shock. That and for some unknown reason, I didn't feel she was a threat.
Questions began to pop into my head.
"Where are you from?" I asked.
"I was born here near Los Angeles."
"Are you a mutant?"
"No. I am an Arkanot."
"What is that?"
"We are descendants of a civilization thousands of light years away."
"Are you really going to try to kill me?"…She didn‘t say she was going to kill you, so the word “really“ is out of place here.
"I am afraid that I must."…The talk of killing was only mentioned by him in the previous line. There seems to be something missing.
"You are one hell of a date," I laughed, though I don't now know why it seemed funny, but my laughter may have saved my life.
"This is very unfortunate." she stated.
"Why must you kill me," I asked.
"It is too soon for our presence to be known."
"How many of you are there."
"Millions."
I was crazy. I believed my eyes and I believed what she was saying. Anybody would say I was nuts.
"Are you telling me, that it is either you or me, but one of us must die?"…This definitely needs some more building up to.
I was not about to kill her, but I did not intend to allow her to kill me, either…. Create a picture in the reader’s mind. Where are you? You should be thinking of scenarios in your head of how to avoid killing or being killed, like how you could maybe tie her up until you could reason with her and maybe prove to her that you are no risk to her secret.
"There must be some way to work this out." I said logically.
"I can't take the chance that you could convince anyone of our existence."
"The authorities will know sooner or later." I observed.
"Yes, but not until we are ready."… the authorities must know already. They have been breeding into the population for decades now. There had to have been a car accident where one of them was killed, there had to have been a time when one of them got sick or hurt and went to the hospital. There had to have been one time when they were children that they played doctor with a human child. And who raised them? The mothers who were forced to carry them? Others of their race on the planet?
"So this is a takeover."… If this is a question, there should be a question mark after it. I also feel like it is a big leap to take without getting more facts from her first. Don‘t rush the story. Let it unfold slowly.
This reads like a detailed outline. It needs lots more detail in order to be publishable. Your writing is adequate, but you need to show more than you tell. The story in and of itself is cliché, and you will have to find a unique hook, something very original to make it of interest to any publisher. If you have that hook, but it comes later in the story, you may want to consider foreshadowing it to give the reader some reason to stay with the story. -
Hi Bel. It's a shorty. Short chapters and overall length.
-
Now this is turning into a most intriguing story. I must read on and know more. Oh Andy! Why do you do this to me? Each time I read and each time I am left to wonder more and more. Well I guess that's the idea.
Well Done my dear....
And might I add I do so love your creative mind.
Also, Star Trek is awesome!
Blessings
celticmoon -
Yes, she should have killed him, but the human influence appears to have been to strong. Besides, if they should win, I would be one of the first eliminated.
-
I think she should have killed him. But she's too weak, a very common characteristic of women, right? Well, I gotta see where this is going; so, I'm going to read your next chapter. You're a very talented writer.
-
Star Trek is a major influence.
-
More and more intruging, i can't wait to see what happens next, this it a good story, i main it would be cool to see what happens with these two, this is almost like something Gene Rosberny would write, i like this tale alot and i hope that more will come from this. at least until you have finsihed the story. that is alway been my rule write until i have told what i have wanted to be told. i don't know if that is your motto as well. however, this is a very intruging tale, and i can't wait to see more
-
Night, it was abrupt and could definitely be expanded on. I may try to recruit someone who is interested in Sci-fi to collaborate.
-
well WEIRD. interesting way of getting humans to know of them. seemed kind of abrupt to go from the arkanot ships to this couple on earth... but what's a novel without jumps like this?
-
I think you have just got the "hots", Vampy. So do I sometimes, but I don't know what to do with them.
-
Thanks. You may be amazed to see what happened to my vampire, Diamond. He was challenged and felt that he had met a worthy opponent. "Too Good To Be True." I am sure it will surprise you. Don't know if you will like it.
-
The dialogue in this was really good. And it acutally made me think about that situation of what would you do if someone revealed to you that they were part of an alien racce slowly taking over your planet (because you just never know ...), like how crazy would it be to be the only one with that knowledge? ::shiver::
I really like what you're doing with this story. -
wow hots for an alien.. umm thats somthing id do lol but any who that was awsome hee
Adding your comment:
1 - 39 of 39
