A Broken Reflection (Chapter Two)

(Heads up here, the word in-between the "---" and "---" are supposed to be italic but this site won't let me use italic, thats all)1

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“Hey there Sar-Bear.” His lips creased into a smile as he scooped me up into his strong arms and held me close, “How you doing Baby Girl?” I giggled and buried my face against him, “I love you Daddy.” His hearty laugh pounded the air like a snare drum.3

“I love you too Sarah.” He spun me in a circle then plopped his butt down on the couch with me still in his arms. I smoothed my fingers down his arm then hugged it close, “Why are you and Mommy getting a divorce?4

Because the man’s completely and totally insane.5

“Now, now Baby Girl, where’d you hear that?” He leaned back against the couch and let me lean with him. I snuggled close, “I heard you and Momma talking.” He sighed and stroked my pitch-black hair behind my tiny seven-year-old ears.6

“We’re getting a divorce Baby, but it won’t be forever. Just temporary. Your Mommy just wants to go on a trip I don’t, the divorce shouldn’t last too long; we just had a little fight.”7

Yeah, oh-so little if he wouldn’t even answer the phone after she left.8

“It’ll just be for a little bit?” I asked hoarsely as a tear ran down my cheek.9

“Yeah-hum. Just a little bit, and then we’ll be back together,” he raises his voice slightly, “because that’s what families do, they don’t leave one another, at least not forever.”10

“I wanna stay with you Daddy.” 11

Fuck me to not realize what a mistake that was, if only I’d known…12

“Yeah, that’d be nice. If my littlest baby could stay with me…” he kissed my head. I pressed closer.13

---14

“Sarah! Get the fuck up!” The voice thudded into my dream and rummaged my consciousness right out of my skull. I stirred slightly then turn and pressed the pillow to my ear.15

“GET. THE. FUCK. UP.” I struggled to push myself up with my arms then yell back, “I’M UP! I’LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE!” Alexa and Teri were both up now and rubbing their eyes. They didn’t enjoy cussing and I could tell they were upset it was happening in their home.16

“Is he always like that?” Teri questioned me, looking strangely irritated. It took a lot to annoy her.17

“Yup. Worse. I got to go before he drags me out.” I grumble then stand and walk to the door. Alexa’s pajama pants are much too long and you can’t see my feet as I walk down the hallway.18

“There you are!” His voice pounded like a snare drum, and it reminded me much of my memory. But this time, he wasn’t laughing, or joking, or even smiling. I rub my eyes with the sleeves that dangle beyond my hands. Borrowing pajama’s from someone who’s six foot six isn’t a very comfortable experience. I think I’m going to fall if I keep walking in these extra-long pants.19

“Come on. Get your stuff.” I blink the sleepiness out of my eyes and stare at him for a moment. Does he mean we’re leaving? Where are we going to go? My eyes follow him as he goes to scoop up a cap from the couch, the one with the duck and the rainbow, then a whisky bottle from the fridge. 20

“Well?” He snaps anger in his voice.21

“Where are we going to go?” I mutter with anxiousness and fear. Silence as he glares at me.22

“Remember? We’re going to your mother’s.” I’m silent and think about later in the evening last night…23

---24

“What?” My father’s upset tone is unbearable as I sit on the couch. Alexa has out her cell and is texting Grace. Teri reads a magazine on my other side. I just sit there, looking over their shoulders. They offered to give me something to do, but I told them I’m rather watch.25

“Fuck, I should’ve checked the caller ID.” Now the two sisters are alerted, the cussing snapping them out of text-world and gossip-mania. I’m paying attention to the phone call, listening to the incomprehensible voice on the other end.26

I lean over and whisper in Alexa’s ear, “You’ve got another phone?” She’s quiet, nods, and then points her thumb to the den. I stand up and walk back there. I snatch the phone carefully off the wall and press it to my ears.27

“…why now? Why would you call now? After all these fucking years…” My father’s voice burns into my skull even across the phone.28

“Oh George, I did call, all the time. You know that, but you never picked up…” That voice… I can’t believe I’m hearing it. I have to hold my breath to keep from being heard in the silence that follows.29

“Fuck you Joyce. What was I supposed to do? Pick up the phone and listen to you grovel? You made my life hell.” My heartbeat quickens and anger burns in my heart and a jolt of agony pierces my heart.30

“George…”31

“Fuck you!” I hiss, I’m too fuming with fury to care that Dad will probably murder me for this, “Your life? Yeah, the world revolves around you!”32

Silence, a long, long, long silence.33

“Sarah?” My mom’s tone is mellow and close to silent.34

“Where the hell are you Sarah? This isn’t your conversation…”35

“Well excuse – me if I thought I had a right to listen. You’ve made my life living hell so you know what, I really don’t care if this isn’t my damn conversation. Fuck you. Both of you.”36

“Oh Sarah…”37

“Damn it, Sarah, get off the phone!” His voice pierces the air, not the phone line. I ignore him and once his breathing returns to the phone38

“You’re a bastard, you know that don’t you Dad?” 39

“Okay! Both of you stop it, George, why don’t you let me talk to Sarah—”40

“Uh-uh, she’s my daughter too and I—”41

“And what? You don’t want me to tell her about anything?” Silence again.42

“George,” her voice is gentle now, please let me talk to her.” But I hang up, I don’t want to hear this, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to do anything but lie down and take a nap.43

---44

I remembered now… Mom had talked Dad into coming over, leaving Alexa’s and saying with her. I didn’t want to; I’d rather suffer endless beatings than see that woman again. She was the reason for all of this suffering, all of this pain… I shake the thought away and glance forcefully at Dad, “I said I didn’t want to go.”45

“Yeah, well, we are. So get your damn stuff and come on!” He hisses as he pulls on his boots. Its raining buckets outside, and that only makes the idea of walking there ten times worse.46

“Can’t I stay here?” I grumbled, irritation piercing my tone, “You can call when you get there and I can walk over myself when the sun comes out and the cats and dogs stop falling from the sky.”47

His gaze meets mine for a split second then he looks away and grunts in annoyance, “Fine, I’m not going to argue with you. Here’s the address—” He scribbles down a bunch of letters on a sheet of lined paper then rips it out and passes it to me, “The second the rain stops you get your ass down there, get it?” I nod as I glance over the paper:48

14901 Griever Road. The second the rain stops. Steal the beer.49

I roll my eyes as I read, “steal the beer”? I don’t want to steal anything… but I am dying to have it. Dad didn’t even spare me one look as he slipped out of the room and into the downpour. 50

“Wow, that was—” Teri had gotten up and was now rubbing her eyes with her fist as she walked down the hall. She glanced at me through her hazel gaze, unable to finish the sentence.51

“Fucking retarded?” I finished for her. She shook her head, dismissing the cuss word the sat down on the couch, “Is he always that rude?” I scoffed as I sat down beside her. I didn’t want to answer that question, mainly because I already did earlier.52

“You okay Sarah?” I nodded at Alexa’s question. The tall girl had just arrived and was shuffling through the pantry looking for some cereal. She never grew out of cereal. Once she found some Lucky Charms; she poured two bowls, got out the milk, poured it, added a spoon, and then passed one to me.53

I spun the spoon in circles as I watched the marshmallows dissolve into the milk. I definitely wasn’t hungry. I grunted once with distress, and anger, and every emotion out there then placed the hardly touched bowl on the coffee table.54

“Please Sarah, you have to walk across tow, you might as well eat something!” Alexa scolds me as I lean back against the couch.55

“Lucky Charms?” I throw back. The sugary cereal doesn’t seem like it would give much strength… her face flushes then she sighs, “Okay, I’ll get you something else.” I shake my head as she starts to get up, “I’m not hungry.” She rolls her eyes and sits back down. She just worries too much.56

---57

“Sarah!” My eyes shot up and I looked at Alexa and Lizzy as they rush toward me, hands full of flowers. I grin and run toward them too, until we nearly collide. They giggle and laugh and hug. I pulled Alexa into my arms first and her head just barely touched the bottom of my chin.58

“I thought we were exploring not collection dandelions!” I muttered as I let Alexa go and moved to Lizzy who had a big smile smeared on her face. Her mouth looked funny considering she had lost five teeth and only two had started to grow back.59

“They aren’t dandelions! They’re tulips, sunflowers, daisies…” Alexa fired back as she galloped over to me and Lizzy. I laughed, “Have you ever even seen those flowers before Al?”60

“I’ve seen sunflowers!” She giggled as I let go of Lizzy and skip in circles around the two of them. Then I saw Grace making her way over, trudging through the slimy grass where the lake used to lie. I didn’t know she was here so I immediately cried out to her.61

Her head shot up and she smiled, squealed, and then ran over to us three. She tackled me first, then Alexa pile don, then Lizzy. We all laughed and giggled and played…62

---63

“Sarah? Sarah…? You alive Sarah?” I snapped out of the memory and looked at Alexa’s hand waving in my face then snapped at her, “Yes I’m alive! I was just thinking that’s all.” I groggily stood up and paced the room.64

“The rain has almost stopped...” Teri commented as she glanced at the dappled, streaming window. I watch the storm die down outside, going from downpour to drizzle. The tall oak outside the house had black bark and olive green leaves after the rain, and looked a lot like broccoli without a green stem. I wasn’t ready to leave, I didn’t want to go. I thought the rain would last longer than this…65

I didn’t want to face my fears, no matter what anybody said. I didn’t wan to face reality, I wanted to live in my own fantasy world where everything sucked but I never had to look at the people who made it that way. I wanted to stay strong and live through this. I didn’t want my mom to see me like this.66

The last drop hit the wet grass then the rain was gone. I stared out the window for a long time, willing it to start back up… but instead the sun arose and I was left standing all alone in a room with two other people. They didn’t understand, they probably thought that seeing my sisters and my mom again would be a good thing… I wish it was, but it wasn’t so. I didn’t want them to see who I’ve become.67