Chapter 17 Shame

Shame.1

Shame.2

Shame is a sadness, a tear in your eye.3

Shame is asking, why me? Why?4

Shame is lonely, shame is hidden.5

Shame carries secrets so silent, forbidden.6

Let Go.7

The shadows of shame lay heavy within.8

But what did I do wrong? What was my sin?9

Was it my fault I was a child so small?10

Did I ask for it? Did I give you the chance to take it all?11

It cannot be that way, for I did not have a mind.12

I did not have the questions, there were no answers to find.13

But you already knew that, you knew what to say.14

That is why you always got, your sick perverted way.15

So the shame I now carry, should not be mine.16

And I will work hard to fight it over time.17

For now is my time, to let go of my past.18

Now I feel strong enough to rid of you at last.19

Extreme.20

Shame for me is an emotion extreme.21

It makes me burn with an anger, I wish I could scream.22

But I storm about, burning inside,23

Crying such anger, that I cannot hide.24

Shame for me is a violation of my soul.25

It tears me into pieces, never again to be whole.26

For this unbearable feeling lays deep inside of me,27

And it has trapped me so long, I cannot see how to be free.28

My existence has now faded away,29

I am losing my soul, day after day.30

For I cannot cope with the feelings of shame,31

I cannot see a way out of my pain.32

Shame.33

Shame is the soul darkened with pain.34

Shame is the secrets that drive you insane.35

Shame is the tiredness of life in your eyes.36

Shame is creating a safe disguise.37

Shame is the weariness too heavy to hold.38

Shame is the secrets that cannot unfold.39

Shame is the sadness that brings you to tears.40

Shame is the anger you have carried all your years.41

Shame is the humiliation that hides you away.42

Shame is the fear that seems to stay.43

Shame is the deep, crying hurt within.44

Shame is the consequence of others evil sin.45

Shame is feeling out of control.46

Shame is the stress, when life takes its toll.47

Shame is the pain, to deep to reach.48

Shame is learnt, but no one has to teach.49

Shame is a sadness, a tear in your eye.50

Shame is asking, why me? Why?51

Shame is lonely, shame is hidden.52

Shame carries secrets so silent, forbidden.53

Negative Voices.54

My negative voices have always been strong,55

Telling me I am no good and everything I do is wrong.56

But I ma trying so hard now to make them go away,57

And let my positive voices have a say.58

It is not easy for the negative have been here so long.59

And I do not know how to stop them, they just carry on and on.60

Manipulating my mind to make me feel I am bad.61

Then I start to believe them and end up going mad.62

They say I am ugly, dirty and used.63

They say it is because I let myself be abused.64

They say I should hide away in my shame.65

For I am the only one to blame.66

They say I am stupid, thick and always wrong.67

They say I am too weak to ever believe I could be strong.68

They say I am too fat and ugly to ever look ok.69

They say I need an addiction to get me through my day.70

They say I have to be stuck in my pain.71

They say I am too fucked up and will go insane.72

They say I cannot learn how to take care.73

They say I am too screwed up to ever repair.74

They say do not bother to ever heal,75

Because if I do, my past will become too real,76

And I will not cope enough to survive.77

I will question whether to stay alive.78

Not My Fault.79

It was not my fault what you did to me,80

So how do I believe this and set my shame free?81

How do I stop punishing myself for something he did?82

How do I release the shame of the secrets I hid.83

Shame.84

I noticed the other day that it is shame that makes me mad.85

And it is shame that makes me look at myself and feel that I am bad.86

But this shame should not be mine, for I am not to blame.87

I am not the one who caused another pain.88

It was not my fault what you did to me,89

So how do I believe this and set my shame free?90

How do I stop punishing myself for something he did?91

How do I release the shame of the secrets I hid?92

How do I now fight to set myself free?93

How do I break the chains that are locked around me?94

Do I need to talk it over, do I need to speak?95

Or do I need to put the blame upon that evil creep?96

Releasing Shame.97

I have lived my life shadowed in shame,98

Trying to be perfect and hiding my pain.99

But this can no longer be the way,100

For I was given a voice and now have secrets to say.101

Releasing Shame.102

I have lived my life shadowed in shame,103

Trying to be perfect and hiding my pain.104

But this can no longer be the way,105

For I was given back my voice and now have secrets I need to say.106

Now I try hard not to hide away,107

And be positive and strong throughout my day.108

But sometimes it is too hard and sometimes I lose all hope,109

But then the strength in my soul, gives me another way to cope.110

Now day by day, I do a little more,111

To gain back my life and close another door,112

To the life that once killed my soul.113

But now I am fighting to be gain back my control.114