How It's Going To Be

The woman just sat there. Her legs crossed, a book in her hands, her head down, her face towards the pages, the woman just sat there. And she stood at the bottom of the bed, staring at the woman sitting at the top of it.1

Tears hung on the rims of her eyes, threatening to fall, and her hands curled into fists as she ground her teeth together.2

“Are you even going to look at me?” she said to the woman.3

No response. Not even a glance.4

“Are you just going to sit there and act like I’m not here?” she tried again.5

No response. Not even a glance.6

“So this is how it is now? You take me into your life, into your home, into your bed, into your arms , and this is how it is?” she attempted once more.7

No response. Not even a glance.8

Everything turned to anger as her arms lashed out. She swiped the books and papers off the desk and onto the floor. She picked up the lamp, ripping the cord from the wall, and threw it opposite her against the wall. It crashed and shattered to pieces.9

She screamed, she cried, she curled her fists into her hair as she swallowed the lump in her throat.10

“Do you remember who you were? Do you even see who you’ve become?” she screamed. She lowered her voice, her face fading from anger to pleading. “Did you forget? Everything? Did you forget!?”11

She looked defeated, her arms dropping, the tears falling, as she stared up at the woman sitting at the top of the bed. Still no response. Still not even a glance.12

“You were so…innocent, love.” She didn’t know how else to put it. “You didn’t understand yourself, but it didn’t matter. You were afraid of the world, you were a floater. You were at the bottom because you were always trying to push everyone up. You had respect for people, for women. You were a gentleman, really. And you saw people, love. You saw people! You understood them! You fucking gave a damn! You saw through people’s facades and you gave a damn!”13

No response. Not even a glance.14

She turned and moved up beside the top of the bed brushing her fingertips over the woman’s face, her voice falling apart as she spoke.15

“You were so innocent, love. But you’ve changed . You’ve changed…Everyone can see it, everyone knows it, but do they like it? So you’re more confident, sure. But you’ve forgotten people. You’ve become so blind to people’s actions, to their words. You’ve become so careless about their feelings, about their thoughts. You’re bordering cocky, love. You think you’re all that, like you have the world at your fingertips…and maybe you did once. But not anymore. But you can’t see that! You’ve changed, you’ve changed!”16

Still no response. Not even a glance.17

She moved back to the bottom of the bed, her voice shaking, her hands trembling as she fought the tears again. She tugged at the hem of her shirt, biting her lip until it started to bleed, and blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling.18

“And you can’t see me anymore.” She stopped at the bottom of the bed, looking back up at the woman. “You let me in, and you can’t see me anymore! So this is how it is. You let me in, love…you let me get close, love…you gave in to me, love. Oh, I wish you hadn’t. Maybe you’d still be you, maybe! It’s like you’re pretending to be something you’re not. This isn’t you; it’s not what I’m used to. You’ve never been the type of person to let people down, and you know that! But…you let me down. You let me down.”19

Again, no response. Not even a glance.20

“You were so innocent, love,” she attempted once more. Her voice cracked.21

The woman finally looked up and blinked as if she were confused, as if she had just missed everything that had been said.22

“I don’t care.” The words came out in a whisper, and then the woman turned her head back down to her book.23

Tears hung on the rims of her eyes, threatening to fall, and her hands curled into fists as she ground her teeth together. So this was how it was going to be. No response. Not even a glance.24

The woman just sat there. Her legs crossed, a book in her hands, her head down, her face towards the pages, the woman just sat there. And she stood at the bottom of the bed, staring at the woman sitting at the top of it.25

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“So this is how it’s going to be…”27

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FIN