Frederick.

Frederick the goldfish was plotting his escape. Because, while he lived with his new family and Polly the parrot and Douglas the dog, he actually missed George the slob. While George had been a lousy owner, never cleaning the tank and not even flushing him down the toilet when he was pretending to be dead, Frederick realised that he actually owed George a fair bit. “Good old Georgie” Thought Frederick “He rescued me when I was still a small caviar, and raised me from barely a minute-ling, even when everyone else, my own parents included, gave up on me! Everyone always hated me… but not Georgie!” Thus arose Frederick’s plan of escape. The logic went like this:1

“Everyone hates me, so…”2

“Everyone will be glad to be rid of me, so…”3

“Everyone will assist with getting rid of me, so…”4

“All I have to do is get everyone to think I’m dead, they’ll be glad to be rid of me and I’ll get flushed down the toilet.”5

This plan of Frederick’s, rather uniquely, worked!6

As he held his breath, floating to the surface of the tank, he wondered if the small child in the family would be upset.. but surely even Stanley hated him. He sighed and continued with his plan.7

But when Stanley found Frederick floating on the top of the water, he was distraught. Frederick was very sorry that it had to happen like that, but there was no alternative. So Frederick listened while Stanley’s parents explained “It’s not your fault, things like this happen sometimes. I’m sure you looked after it (Frederick was affronted ‘it!’ he thought…) very well.” Frederick felt himself scooped up and placed in a new bowl of water. “A ha!” He thought, “The toilet!” And, surely enough, along came the roaring, crashing water as Stanley’s mum flushed the toilet. Stanley hadn’t counted on that.8

The water crashed upon him savagely, bruising and beating his small body. It swirled him around until he was so dizzy he threw up. It threw him over the water until his lungs were bursting for air, then mercifully let him below the surface again. It was a whirl-wind ride and, Frederick thought afterwards, it was no wonder that only dead and desperate fish took the flush.9

Eventually the water stopped beating him up and deposited him in the sea. He was very confused, and lost, until he came across a friendly little fellow called Nemo. Nemo was a clownfish, and had never seen a gold-fish before. It was the greatest of curiosities, and Frederick took full advantage of it. “Could you direct me to 666 Messman lane, please?” he asked politely. 10

“Sure thing!” replied Nemo happily11

“Okay… I believe it’s near the seaside and I think it has banana-peels covering it’s roof”12

“You mean you belong to Sad-man?”13

“Who’s sad-man?”14

“His real name is… um… let me think…”15

“George?”16

“Yeah! That’s it”17

Frederick paled. Poor old George had been so distraught at him leaving that the fish had nick-named him sad-man.18

“Let’s go.” said Frederick grimly.19

They swam as fast as they could against the powerful ocean current. Finally they arrived and Frederick was relieved to see the same old messy house. But was it the same old messy George? Frederick hurried up the sewerage pipe… into the house… splashing out into his bowl with the potato chips still floating in it… he was home! He breathed in the smell of mouldy potato-chips and calmed his racing heart. But where was George?20

He waited anxiously. George always came home at exactly 1:30, exactly 3 and a half hours before he was meant to. He waited as the time ticked further and further past 1:30. He waited, biting his nails as it went past 2:00. He waited, chasing his tail as it overtook 3:00. Where WAS he? He simply wasn’t there! Frederick waited, starting to panic, as it passed 4:00. By the time it was 4:30, he feared the worst. As it reached five, Frederick was about to give up and go back out to freedom. But then he heard the front door click open. He expected to hear it scraping against rubbish on the floor, but it opened nearly soundlessly. Barely a squeak from the hinges. He heard a huge sniff, and then mumbling “It’s.. it’s time to.. to… clean out my, my… my poor, missing fishies room…” another HUGE sniff. The door to Frederick’s room started opening… slowly, slowly and there, at LAST was Georgie!21

But wait! Who was this woman with black hair, bright red at the tips done up in a mohawk?22

She was coming through the door along with George. She patted his arm “It’s okay, Georgie, I’m sure he’s in a better place.” George mumbled under his breath.23

“What was that?” The woman said sharply24

“I just said, I wish I still had my little Freddie”25

“But you have ME now, Georgie, your beautiful Carlene.”26

“I know Carlene, I’m lucky to-27

George stopped. And stared. Open-mouthed, he approached the fish bowl. “Frederick?” he whispered in disbelief. Frederick did a flip out of the water and smiled all over his little fishy face. 28

“CARLENE!” Screamed George29

“What?” she sighed impatiently30

“FREDDIE’S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”31

Suddenly Carlene, for no apparent reason, started crying. She ran out of the room “I HATE YOU” she screamed.32

But George didn’t care. He had Freddie back!33

But Frederick looked with concern after the poor, disturbed woman. Soon, however, he was distracted by George’s conversation.34

“I had no idea why or even where you’d gone, Freddie. But then I met Carlene and she told me to think about it.”35

Fred prompted him to continue by widening his eyes.36

“So,” George continued “I thought about it! And I realised how miserable you must be, living in a bowl with mouldy tato-chips, and living in a room with mouldy banana leaking through the roof. So I decided to try and fix the house. But then I didn’t have money to fix it with, so I had to start working properly, and earning money, and at work I worked with Carlene, and she offered to help me clean my house! And we did the entire rest of the house, and today we were going to do your room… we were going to turn it into our nursery, for our as of yet unborn baby! But now you’re BACK and I’m sooooo HAPPY, Freddie!”37

Freddie chose this moment to reveal that he could, in fact, talk.38

“But that’s horrible! She must feel that you’ve betrayed her.”39

George, however, said rather heartlessly “Who cares? I’ve got you back!”40

THE END41