What's his name?

CHAPTER ONE1

Once upon a time there was a frog by the name of Barry. No, his name wasn’t Barry. It was Fred…-‘s brother’s name, which, incidentally, was also Fred. Anyway, he was by the name of Barry, because that’s what the little stand thing under the painting of Barry said –“Barry”. And Fred was sitting next to it. Now that we’ve cleared that mess of the name up, we’ll continue. If Fred hadn’t been sitting next to the name of Barry, he never would have met Felicity. If he had never met Felicity, they never would have spawned thousands of children, one of which had the name of “Gregory.”2

Gregory was always a fairly cheerful tadpole. Even when his 6872 older brothers all ganged up on him, he always looked on the positive side “At least they notice me!” he thought happily. But then he looked over to his 2-second-younger brother, Kirk. Kirk sat in the corner tadpole-ing miserably. Gregory thought that Kirk looked lonely, so he asked his brothers to go and gang up on Kirk instead. Kirk somehow managed to misinterpret this friendly gesture, and flew into a great rage. He hopped around the room he shared with his 6873 brothers furiously, destroying beds, tearing up posters, bugging and virus-ing their computers. Gregory watched him happily, thinking ‘At last! Kirk has found his inner frog. He might at last achieve success in the adult world.” But Kirk’s rage soon faded away again, once his brothers realised he was very dangerous and went back to targeting Gregory.3

Fred and Felicity heard a ruckus in the boys’ bedroom and smiled to each other. “I remember how I used to like play-fighting when I was a child.” Fred reminisced to Felicity. “I always loved listening to my brothers play-fight” reminisced Felicity right back. 4

“Great idea!” Exclaimed Fred5

“What?” Asked Felicity.6

“Let’s go and look into the girls’ room and see how they’re enjoying listening to Toby, Kirk, Gregory, Patrick, Stewart, Jimmy, Timmy, Jim, Tim, Curt, Cody, Brodie, Tyler, Patrick II, Toby II, Hercules, Amycus, Harry, Rubeus, George, Frederick..” he tailed off, at a loss as to what the rest of the names were. “And all the rest of them!” he finished off triumphantly.7

“Okay!”8

So Felicity and Fred walked into their daughters’ room. They never came out.9

For one rebellious daughter, Dora, was getting very irritated that their parents only ever visited the boys, so she convinced the rest of her sisters to join her in evil plotting. The plan went: Dad and Mum walk in the door. We have positioned a guillotine right in front of the door. They come in, and CHOP!”10

This plan worked quite effectively.11

Kirk was distraught. Gregory was, as always, fairly cheerful. “Look at it this way.” He comforted his younger brother. “Now, they’ll never tell you to fold your clothes again.”12

At this comment, Kirk snapped. “Oh, of course! Perfect, cheerful, annoying Gregory always seems to think that everything happens to improve the world! Now, how can we POSSIBLY be better off without Mum and Dad? I always KNEW that, that, that DORA was despicable filth! Imagine, a murder plot! I never would have thought it possible from anyone in our family!”13

Right at this moment, Dora walked into the room, smiling. “Guess what, everyone? Now we’re all allowed our own rooms! I never did understand why Mum and Dad needed 13746 rooms themselves, and all 13748 of us had to fit into two rooms by ourselves.”14

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH” screamed Kirk. “HOW COULD YOU!” he launched himself at her, murder on his thoughts. She, with a rather annoying smirk, pushed a wart on her nose. Instantly, a solid gold shield, 18 inches thick, sprung up in front of her. “I’m afraid, big brother, that I’m the one with all the power now.” She cackled, rather evilly, and walked out of the room.15

CHAPTER TWO16

“This is boooooring.” Moaned Kirk.17

“I agreee-eee” moaned Gregory.18

“So do weeee-eee.” Moaned the rest of the brothers. There had been a thunderstorm that night, and they’d all crowded back into one room. Gregory’s room, because he was and always had been the most comforting. Suddenly, there was knocking on the door to their room. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK it went, rather loudly. They all ran over to Gregory and dove into his arms. Gregory collapsed under the weight, but said “What’s wrong?” anyway, slightly breathless.19

“There was knocking at the door!” All the brothers chorused. Gregory rolled his eyes and went to answer the door. “Dora.” He said, with a curt nod.20

“Hello!” exclaimed Dora cheerfully. “I’ve decided that this frog experiment is no longer of any use to me, so I’m going to destroy all of you!”21

“Oh. That’s nice. When?”22

“NOW!” she screeched.23

Gregory waited around for a bit. “That wasn’t very effective, Dora.”24

“Wasn’t it?” she said with an evil grin.25

Gregory looked around the room. “You killed all of my brothers from fright!”26

“Yep!” She nodded. “And guess who that leaves?”27

Gregory looked around the room rather densely, before pointing to himself “Me?” he asked28

“Again, YEP!”29

“oh.” Said Gregory.30

At this, Dora cackled evilly and proceeded to dance around the room.31

“Wait – why aren’t I dead yet?” Gregory asked Dora32

"I assure you, it's just a matter of time..."33

Gregory was so panicked by this statement that he fell over dead too. But then he realised that he never understood what Dora had meant when she said 'frog experiment' so got back up again. "We're just an experiment to you?"34

"Yep." Said Dora uncaringly.35

"So - that's why you're about 5 foot 6 instead of about 2 inches, and have two legs instead of four, and had to be taught to swim, and have long fur on your head?"36

Dora rolled her eyes. "I don't know how you never noticed." and Gregory happily went back to being dead.37

THE END 38