Do you remember the time we were laying on my bedroom floor, with mid summer light streaming in through the open blinds, and our backs were to the world as you gently ran your hands through my frazzled hair and told me I was beautiful.1
Or the time you sat me on the bathroom counter like I was weightless to you and, with your arms around me, told me that you loved me. How I almost always cried when you would say something so sweet at random and coat my heart in sugar.2
Once, we stood in the bathroom...'Together...' gazeing into a gleaming mirror mounted on a plaster wall. I user to tell you I had fantasies about that mirror...About breaking it into a million shards and using all the tiny bits to cut happiness into my skin. I always loathed that mirror because one look into it's sparkling glass could show me who I really was and I hated that...I hated me. 3
But I never hated myself when you were with me...I was completely happy to think how pretty I was when you were beside me.4
{{I should have known something was wrong that day...We didn't look 'right' together.}}5
The first time you told me that you loved me I didn't believe you. We fought about it for days. I asked how you could possibly even know such a thing...You said you just felt it in your heart. I told you it didn't matter what you felt, anyway. I didn't deserve you or your so called love.6
Eventually I gave in to stop the arguing, and, more honestly, just because I wanted it to be true. I loved you when you claimed to love me. You made me feel special. You were the first person to really make me feel anything. You were my everything.7
{{The first time I told you how much you meant to me was the day I commited suicide.}}8
Later on I would say you tricked me. Tricked me into loving you so you could break another heart and take what was left of me.9
I will never forget all those times you made me cry. The whole time I was with you all you ever did was hurt me. You left me cold and dieing yet always begging for more. 10
{{No matter what you did I still wasn't smart enough to turn away.}}11
Sometimes I would sit around wishing that I never met you, that you could disappear from my life without a trace.12
When you finally did go away, though, all I could do was cry. Maybe it would have been better if only you wouldn't have left such a long lasting impression on my life. I could still smell you on my sheets...Hear your voice in my head...And every memory I had was of you.13
{{No matter what you did you always ended up hurting me.}}14
You use to lay in my arms and cry...Saying you didn't want to live anymore, how no one understood and that everything was your fault. I tried to comfort you like you never did for me...You never asked how I was feeling...You never cared...Just expected me to always be there for you. (For as long as you wanted, anyway.)15
{{It's fuuny how blind you can chose to be from the truth.}}16
Today I think all those tears you shed were lies as well...Lies like when you said you loved me...Lies like when you said you would never hurt me.17
Perhaps all you wanted was for me to feel sorry for you. Think of how hard it must have been on you to fuck me up so well.18
{{When it was all over and done with you said it was my fault...And I believed you. I always believed everything you said.}}19
I always knew I had a knack for fucking things up. 20
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Author notes
*Dedicated to the one who gave me the heartbreak I need to really realize when I am happy.*
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow... I know the feeling. My ex / boyfriend he is like that. I mean, I have to help him all the time... When he's upset, sad, he needs me and if i'm not there or I do something slightly wrong it's 'my fault' the guilt trips. It's depressing and it makes you feel like it's your fault. You can't pull away, they make you feel like you need them and it's sad, so sad... I know and he threatens me and yet i'm like, I still care about you. It's ridiculous really, but I feel like I can do nothing. Anyway good write,
x Stef x -
wow
HAHA this is great i know how u feel in fact i am sending this to a guy...tahnx...this is amazing wow good luck! -
This is really a unique and great write. It's sad , but at the same time beautiful. It speaks to the heart. Tugs at the heart. You ave a knack for writing. short stories, poetry, probably anything. Keep the ink flowing. Love and hugs...
~Donna~ -
wow.. I think that you are very good at more of a story type write. your very descriptive and geeze... I think youve just summed up what every girl in the world will or has gone through.
its amazing how much this speaks to me.. and sounds so much like what I feel. But I guess thats not supernatural.
I really enjoyed this.. and Im going to keep going through your work.. I do hope to find more little story writes. -
As I had read some of your piece and it was all abot heart breaking
Anyway this piece is fantastic and totally sad! I felt your angry yourself about this as well. Whatever , don't let any guys makes you down! And this guy is suck , dont cry for him and he isnt deserved your love! Good story! Keep up the great work!
-paper- -
What category would I put this in? To me it is a short, semi-autobiograpical romance tale of lost love and the throes of depression when it looks as if there is no hope left. I don't know if this is the short of answer you were looking for but that is how I would describe it. If you have any more questions just ask! I am always happy to answer. ^_^
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This is a unique piece, and I like the background very much, however, what category, woudl you put this under? Before I decide anything, I need to know,
, nice work here.
Iris -
a beautiful piece.
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