Doll Maker

The nail-infested bat struck the back of Mr. James Weston's head with a sickening thud; the nails burrowed themselves through his skull and into his brain. Instantly he went limp, his bath-robe enclosed body supported by the bat still lodged in his lifeless body. Axel, aka The Doll Builder, struggled to dislodge his instrument, but every pull did nothing but splash more and more pink-gray brain matter onto the tiled kitchen floor. 1

Finally after several minutes of frustrated tugging the bat came loose, taking a chunk of scalp with it. Axel paid no attention to the slight hindrance and made his way out of the kitchen. His shoes tread through Mr. Weston's cranial remains with a sickening squelch as he made his way toward the stairs. 2

Unfortunately for Mrs. Weston she was in the exact wrong place that night; just as her husband had been. That place being in the way of Axel's true prey. He came up behind her as she checked in on the family's newest addition. A quick arm around the throat and *snap* went her pearly, white neck. Dead before she knew what had happened the new--now ex-mother--voided her bowels as she dropped to the floor. Axel had become quite used to this smell and it didn't bother him as he looked down into the sky blue crib. 3

He scanned the sleeping child, searching, but he couldn't see properly with those damn clothes on the thing. The scalpel he pulled from his pocket made quick work of little Samantha's fuzzy, pink PJs. Then he saw it, the most perfect piece, a pale white upper thigh. Insatiable as he was--and still is--the knife shot down onto the unsuspecting child. Skin split like paper to scissors and the small, undeveloped bones stood no chance as Axel's fervent sawing. 4

The pain was enough to wake Samantha and soon a cacophony of wails filled the room; accompanied by the man's hysterical laughter. She flailed. He pressed her down with his free hand. Red liquid of life flowed, seeping down to the floor. Once the leg was off the unneeded bottom half had to be removed. He ignored the baby, a now useless object, and went to work on isolating his hard earned prize. Eventually the infant became still and Axel finally finished.5

He took a square linen cloth from his pocket and wiped off the freshly cut section of leg. Even in the dark he knew he had been right, this was the one, a new piece for his doll. Axel calmly walked over the mother, down the stairs, back through the mess of the father, and exited out the back door from which he had entered.6

One night was done, but there are many more to come. The doll is not nearly complete. But there are many more children in this world, so very many. Plenty of parts to be collected; a country full of screams to enjoy. 7


Author notes

For A Contest: Here's your joke:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

***

I hope this is gory enough for you! Also I don't think I mentioned the word blood in here. (brownie points please )

For anyone who's read this I'm trying to think of a better title, got any suggestions?

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • Intoxica
    2 days ago
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    Hmm...
    I've read this story before!
    I could swear I commented on it too... Well, apparently not.
    So.
    Awesome gore. Not much horror susupense.
    Good writing.
    Love the theme of a doll!
    You're creative in your writing and it stands out.
    Well done, keep up the good work!


  • seasonsoflove
    2 days ago
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    Oh wow. One sick person you wrote about here!! Good though.

    Loved the joke. Nice way to end an extremely disgusting story. (in a good way!!)

    Thank you so much for entering!!

    • Adinatak
      2 days ago
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      Ya, after that much gore the joke seemed kind of necessary...


  • PolkaDotSox
    November 22
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    Love it!!

    This is really deliciously disgusting and just perfect! I've been wanting to read something like this for the longest time, and this is just brilliant.

    • Adinatak
      2 days ago
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      I'm glad that I've satisfied your need for grossness and gore, thank you a bunch for the applause.


  • seamus gold member
    November 10

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    Dark, Disturbing, Brilliant

    Don't know how much you're paying your psychologist, but he's not earning his money (just joking). You have created a monster, Dr. Frankenstein. This was appallingly twisted. And I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your writing if not subject matter. Truly gruesome.

    • Adinatak
      November 10
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      If I had a psychologist I wouldn't be able to write like this.


  • Dead Beauty
    November 10

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    Dark Stories

    This is definitely one of the best so far. It is BEYOND dark, BEYOND my expectations, and I tell you that that is a good thing. (Obviously )
    Anyways, thanks for entering the contest and good luck!


  • corrupthoughts
    November 7

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    Wow dude... This was indeed well written, you have a great vocabulary and I was glad to see words like; "cranial", "cacophony' and "Insatiable".. The fact he was slicing through a infant bothered me, but I am sure, with such a topic choice, that was indeed our point all along.. Especially with some of your choices for description.

    I liked the name choice 'Axel'.. but I would have like to know more about his need. Why is me making dolls of human babies? Why does he think of them as dolls? is it for someone else? But again, these could be things you intentionally left out.

    I think you can extend this very easily if your wish, it is just a subject matter that might not get such attention.

    These lines I really liked;
    "now ex-mother--voided her bowels as she dropped to the floor. " -- Ah, the touch of truth all too many people forget to add.

    "Skin split like paper to scissors" -- Good line... really, good line.

    Over all, this was unique and fit the bill, thanks for entering and good luck!

    • Adinatak
      November 7
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      I did intentionally leave those details out because I wanted to keep Axel a tad mysterious. I wanted the focus to be more on the act itself, rather than the reasons behind it. When thinking up the crime itself I wanted to make sure it was as heinous as could be. What's worse than chopping up a baby? Nothing that I can think of.

      Thanks for the props and have fun judging!


  • E Ardania
    October 16
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    Congratulations on your bronze!


  • VelvetWings
    October 12

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    This was sickeningly beautiful.
    Loved every bit of it.
    Your killer is such a convincing character although we don't see much of him.
    Great job and good luck in the contest! (And congrats on the ones you've won!)
    ~Sparrow


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 12

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    Wow this was really good and very scary. I Think that I am going to have nightmares tonight scary. Wow. It had me on the edge of my seat. This was amazing. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.

    • Adinatak
      October 12
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      I'm both happy and sad that you're going to have nightmares...mostly happy.

  • E Ardania
    October 9

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    Incredibly gory... Scared me quite a bit there, you did. But you get points for it... and although it was short I am almost glad to have extracted myself from the horror.

    At first I did not understand why Axel was called the doll maker, but now I do realise that is the most appropriate nickname he could have. And he's got the perfect character of a psychopath and his regarding of the baby as a 'thing' only adds to his dark persona.

    A well-rounded piece of extremely descriptive writing. Welcome to the finalist list.

    • Adinatak
      October 9
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      I always love applause, so lots of thanks to you. I'm glad you got scared.


  • wolfcub
    October 9

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    edition --> addition.

    The ending is almost there, but needs a little bit of work.
    Generally I don't like your narrative style, interrupting yourself, especially in this sort of story, as it detracts from the 'horror', but I did like how you made Axel kind of apart from the crime he's committing. It might be better if her were anonymous, though


  • RazorbladeKiss14
    October 6
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    FINALIST!!!

  • RazorbladeKiss14
    October 5

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    Wow so gory! I loved it! It made me want to scream and look out for him when i am trying to sleep lol! Title? Hmm...Maybe Body stealer because he snatches body parts? Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!

    • Adinatak
      October 6
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      Hmmm...that's seems pretty good, maybe I'll make a variation of both titles together...


  • Dark Wanderer
    September 26

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    Hi there, it was nice reading this piece.

    I thought that the reference 'doll builder' to the killer was maybe because he made dolls. Of course he did. But the true significance of it struck me when I learned that he made them out of real babies! I'm not sure if I've read something similar before, nevertheless it still gave me the chills.

    I mean, killing is one thing. But a baby? It really does make the reader horrified.

    I also liked how your sentences, particularly ' *snap* went her pearly, white neck.'

    There is nothing that I can fault here, so good job! Although I must say that you might have overlooked a paragraphy problem between the second and third paragraphs (They are actually one paragraph, but are split into two for unknown reasons).

    Good luck for the contest.

    • Adinatak
      September 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the great comment. That thing with paragraphs 2 and 3 is a line spacing problem, nice job catching it.


  • plague
    September 13

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    sick

    this is sick! a story about a madman chopping up babies...nice..
    one of the good reasons why i love horror.

    • Adinatak
      September 14
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      This was my first real horror story so I'm happy you like it so much. Thanks for the applause.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    September 13

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    wow. This was gorey!!! I likd it! WELCOME TO THe finilasts list!

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