The hollow chill rose of stone lain floors throughout the hollow crypt of a room dimly caressed with a serenade of candles, the dashing flickers of light caressing only shadows and more stone. A short stairway lead upward sprawling across the room leading the the back of the chamber being one of the few places that had not rejected the light, or at least enough to give away the figures of a man atop the stairs and the woman before him. The empty carcass of stone echoed demonically with a horrid voice that shook the woman as well as the wall of shadow, "You ignorant, pathetic, worthless drull of a creature. I told you specifically not to enter the lower chambers, WHY WOULD YOU DISOBEY ME.", the dark-lit woman only trembled before the words leaving sullen tears fall idle of her eyes. The man simply pacing steps across the upper side of the staircase waiting for a reply from the creature who only whimpered further as he paused before her with a questioning gaze, her lips gently slid to explain only to take on worse screams of the wretched voice, "Because your WEAK, STUPID, and no longer of use." A slight glimmer of metallic essence slipped out the backside of her rib cage shattering bone outward leaving the crimson splatters to fly dead to the air, the same of her body as he removed the blade and merely toppled her down the stone stairway. Thoughts ran unsettled through his mind as the pacing drug slowly to the back of the chambers where a stone forged throne lay covered in various drapes of cloth and horrid shapes of spikes left twisting and demented, his body falling back idle as a look of contemplation roamed his face, " YOUR ALL WORTHLESS CREATURE, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU." The multiple waves of candles about this resting place dimly revealed everything from his darkened green hazed eyes, the strands of thick black hair that accented them, and a darkened little pendant glowing ominously red with energy hanging across his bare chest. Pure and hollow sat his intentions the screams in his thoughts roaming worse then any that poured of his lips yet their continuance went on, "Why should I not rid myself of every one of you. . .", the shadows now awakened with a scratching and tattering that roamed on through the large pitch black confines of the lower chamber. A brief and pleasing smile awoke across his face with the sound of panic and fear from the servants that shifted in the darkened hollows, "Anoris, Come to me.", Suddenly and without questions the shadows broke as a beast tore from the vail slamming down on all fours across the stone. Dark green essence of eyes and flowing spiked bones plates caressed the creatures outer form leaving it well shielded and ornately covered in small slips of crimson and blue, a lovely little demented aura flowing of the brightly shaded green eyes gave the multitudes of intelligence the creature carried clearly to existence, "Anoris, remove the corpse of my lair; then find me a new servant." No disrespect came of Anoris who simply shot back ripping the body into it's sharp jagged teeth before leaping into the air catching onto the upper balcony window, slipping out into the lesser set shadows of the night as he was commanded. Content with his servant the man laid back across his throne and smiled deviously looking into the darkness at his other beasts all gazing back with fearful taste, no contest came to the mans power despite his small body which couldn't compare to one of the creatures locked into the shadows. The air and silence began to settle as thoughts were curiously twisted around ideals and interests of the moment leaving only the sudden shatter of sanctity raining a shower of jagged glass pouring downward, each piece annihilated as it crashed upon the floor accompanied only by the loud thud that had come to tear them of their home. However the man merely sat in his chair and began clapping in a dull sarcastic tone that carried alongside his voice, "Well Deoric, nicely done despite the fact that was my favorite depiction of death you just broke through." Deoric the lone shadowed figure merely stood upright and began pulling toward the throne with each step wavering light with his long and heavy set blade withdrawn aptly, "Dante, it ends here." the voice frail and aromatic unlike the wretched and slow set enchantment of Dante's. Another blade raised up beside Dante's twisting with his grasp as he shot out of the chair and to his feet in a calm unconcerned motion merely turning to meet the grace of Deoric's eyes, "Well then I'd hope your well prepared." his blade arching up as a smile deviously caressed Dante's lips. Deoric shot forward and swung downward as he came clashing about the steel blade of Dante's which shot back quick and retaliated with a beautiful motion that slipped Deoric of his footing momentarily, Deoric quickly catching himself with a desperate one handed slash that Dante merely slipped the strike away. Dante nodded and gave a sly little grin as he began twirling the blade in his own unique fashion staring into the depths of Deoric's eyes, "Enough playing, ready to join the others.", a quick race forward striking his blade down with rage filled force across Deoric's as he moved aside nearly escaping as his blade shattered under Dante's force. That was the one unsettling moment that Dante did not expect as the blade fell and Deoric reached about the pendant increasing the essence of it's glow, the small ornate fragment of crimson stone drawing the soul of his body; or at least in most cases. However Deoric had another amulet in the same hand with a stone of the same origin placing the two upon each other draining the power and lost little souls of Dante's possession, his body quickly falling to the floor as he gasped and twisted in pain feeling as though his heart had been torn of his chest. Deoric smiled looking at his amulet with content deviations of though feeling the power roam about his own body leaving a sickened look across his eyes as he summoned the fury of creatures, "Remove this worthless false god of these chambers, drop him outside of the market. . . with a collar." Dante merely gasped laying across the chilling stones of the upper level leaving his eyes gently slip open hazing with sight seeing only Deoric above his weakened body and the creatures that had just been under his power coming to give him worse torture then death, Deoric slipped off a gleeful smile as he took the back of his heel raised over Dante's head murmuring, "Tell your new master I said hi.", the foot suddenly flying down knocking Dante of consciousness.1
Author notes
Please give me an opinion of the story so far, don't worry about spelling or grammar. It's just some shit unedited I wrote. . . just now I guess.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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What a twisted beginning! Looking in on these two demonic figures clashing was spectacular. There is something that I like about your writing in the way that the gore is described. Perhaps it is just me, but your style of describing the beginning kill is beautiful. The violence of the piece just sort of rushes toward me in almost a tranquil way. You've got quite a gift with these morbid tales. And I'm afraid that the same goes for you...if you stop writing, look for a knife at your throat.
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This was wonderful! I loved all the descriptions you gave, they were detailed yet they did not bore the reader. The beginning was really good as well. I had expected some long and dreary description as your beginning however you got straight to the point after two sentences. Also, i love the showing instead of telling, it adds a nice subtlety to the story.
However, I have some criticisms to make...there were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, it made the story a bit hard to read so you might want to go back and read it over. Also, try separating out paragraphs to make it easier to read. Oh yeah...I also was a little confused about exactly who was Dante and who was Deoric...it might just be me but suddenly, it seemed like the two people switched roles...maybe it's just me. I might need to go back and read it over again.
But other than that- great job and write more!


