Darkness Rising: Chapter 2 (Edited)

Chapter 2 1

“Hell is a bitch; and I’m her master.” 2

Captain Edgar Duffy sat on the bedside, smoking, thinking about his curvy brunette wife. Damn. Why didn’t she tell him what was on her mind? Didn’t she know it was going to perturb the hell out of him? Shit! He stubbed out his cigarette, aggravated.3

He stood up, felt tension in his back, and attempted to get rid of it by twisting from side-to-side. He knew the person responsible for his discomfort. She was the only one who could get to him.4

For a second, he recalled her back to him and how she’d frozen at the sound of his voice. He didn’t know how she put up with him. He was a piece of work and he knew it, especially for someone as emotional as Lena. He knew he’d upset her by what he’d said last night, but she’d wanted honesty—and he’d given it to her.5

He walked over to the bureau only feet away, opened the top drawer to retrieve a shirt, then caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Anyone could tell he was a badass. He was six-feet-two, two-hundred pounds of pure muscles, and possessed eyes that could bore a hole through steel, or so it was claimed.6

He pulled the shirt on, then went back to the bed to retrieve his holster. Although he got most use out of the gun at practice, he knew there were some rioters who wanted him dead. He didn’t give a shit if they did, especially not today. He needed something to relieve himself of the anxiety Lena had filled him with, and he knew where to go.7

Just as he’d finished tying his boots, he heard three distinct buzzes. He looked at the handset on the wall that led into the kitchen, annoyed as hell. He’d set up the machine so that one buzz meant Lena; two buzzes meant shits who wanted to fuck with him (which was everyone else); and three buzzes meant headquarters, the biggest shit.8

He walked over to the phone. “Eddie speaking. What do you want?”9

“Nice to hear your voice too,” the man on the other end said with a laugh. Richard Olson was the only man Eddie respected. He was almost like a father. “Listen, you know I wouldn’t call without a reason, so I’ll get right down to it. We, that is, the powers that be, are putting a team together to go aboveground. The mission is for the scientists, who are to get some samples and come back. What do you say about being the head of the expedition? I would go, but my wife’s adamant that I don’t.”10

“Sounds like I’ll be babysitting a bunch of kids on a field trip.”11

“You will be,” Richard answered, “but this mission could prove more than that. We have no idea what kind of danger could be up there, no idea what awaits us. None.”12

“You’re trying to convince me to go, aren’t you?” Eddie asked as a large smile formed on his often-serious face. It faded as quickly as it had formed.13

“Nothing gets past you, Eddie. Come on. It’ll be a change in scenery, at least.” 14

Richard almost sounded as if he were begging. He wasn’t the type, and he didn’t give in to the demands of anyone, much less his amiable wife. As Eddie stood with the receiver in his hand, contemplating the severity of Richard’s mood, he knew there was something he wasn’t being told. As he was about to turn down the offer, he thought about Lena. If he turned down an opportunity to venture above, she would find out eventually (as she often did) and reprimand him on the ‘mole’ comment.15

“I’ll do it.”16

There was a moment on the other end that sounded like a sigh of relief. Eddie furrowed his brow, wondering what he’d gotten himself into.17

“Alright. You’ll meet your team tomorrow at o-eight-hundred at District 12. Since I forgot to tell Lena earlier, make sure you tell her the same.”18

The frown on Eddie’s face deepened. He attempted to take in what had been said while he thought of what could go wrong aboveground.19

“What?” Eddie barked. “What did you say?”20

“She hasn’t had a chance to tell you, I’m guessing. Eddie, she’s the best botanist we have. She’ll be coming along to obtain samples…”21

“I don’t give a shit if she’s the best! Can’t you get some lab monkey to crawl his way up there and get a god damn sample?”22

“I know you’re upset, Eddie,” Richard said, attempting to calm down the captain, “but your wife understands the importance of the situation and has agreed. It isn’t like we held her at gunpoint. She understands the risks.”23

“Isn’t there someone else?” Eddie attempted, trying to reason with the major.24

“Eddie, there is no one else…” Richard answered. “It has been fifty years since humans have seen daylight. Fifty years since we’ve seen it rise or set. It’s been too long, Eddie. We can’t keep hiding underground like a bunch of worms slinking our way through dirt. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to live the rest of my life like this. If you don’t accept this mission, I will take your place.”25

Eddie had never heard such emotion in Richard’s voice. He cringed as he felt his own heartstrings being plucked by the older man’s words.26

“You don’t have to go all sentimental on me. I said I would do it. If Lena wants to, fine. I’m her husband, not her father.”27

“Then it’s settled. I will see you at District 12 at o-eight-hundred,” Richard said resolutely.28

“I guess you will.”29

Richard ended the conversation and Eddie hung up his receiver. He stared at the device for a second. The slender, rectangular shape of it reminded him of a picture he’d seen of a cell phone. The only difference was that a slender black coil ran from it to its base on the wall. He cursed himself for acting like his wife, attempting to think of something else in order to avoid something more pressing.30

Eddie grabbed hold of his holster and strapped it on, enjoying the feel of the gun, but also respecting its power. He wasn’t going to throw his weight around with Lena. Once she made up her mind, she couldn’t change it, he knew that much. Hell, he loved her for being so stubborn sometimes. He wasn’t going to pay her a visit; the radicals over at the south border, though, were in for a surprise.31

***32

After hanging up, Richard walked from his desk to the window, and looked out on the world he’d come to know. He was nearly fifty, having been born weeks after his parents had arrived at Area X, and had often dreamt of seeing the sun. For a second, he recalled the first time he’d seen it in a book, heard the description of how it felt, and how much he’d longed for it.33

As major, he oversaw most of everything, and what he’d been seeing lately was horrific. The rations had been growing shorter and each appeal to the government for more this or that had been turned down. The rioters were increasing. He didn’t blame them. They were starving, particularly those who gave birth without authorization.34

The total population, on record, was at 10,312. He knew there was more. When he saw a small boy on the street, Richard couldn’t help but wonder if he was an illegal. A child! A child simply kicking a ball along the street, laughing with the other kids, was an illegal because the world around him didn’t have room for him. He hated the thought, but he wasn’t the only one with this mindset. His daughter, only eight, said the worst insult was to be an illegal. It hurt him.35

“Richard, is everything ok?”36

He looked at Gale, his wife of sixteen years, and smiled. He cherished how well she knew him, even more than his best men in the force; even more than he knew himself sometimes.37

“It will be.” He returned his attention to the window and took a long sigh. “I hope.”

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1 - 6 of 6
  • Another interesting chapter.

    You used the word slender twice in the same paragraph - para 30

    At the end, you write "...the worst insult is to be CALLED an illegal."

    A person maybe illegal or may not be but since the term itself is insulting, then you're called, an illegal. Make sense?

    This chapter is good because it really personifies the characters, gives a bit of background and it serves as a staging point for the subsequent chapters.

    I shall keep reading


  • Abstract Muse gold member
    October 14

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    Good chapter.
    Nice mix of narrative and dialogue. Between the descriptions and his conversation with Richard we learned a good bit about Eddie and his personality.

    So he's leading the group going topside with Lena now. That should be interesting. I'm still wondering about her nightmares.
    It's not mentioned here while Eddie's thinking about her. Does he even know?

    I'm very curious to see what happens when the group gets topside. They don't even know if its really save or not, do they?

    Looks like you've already covered Lawrie's suggestions and I didn't notice anything to add.
    Looking forward to seeing how things go when they get outside.

    Greg


  • So Strange Greeters member
    September 22

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    Good Write

    I believe this chapter sets up well for a third chapter... though I did enjoy the first chapter more than this one, either way. I think your style is always going to be good, but something within this story that I am looking forward to seeing you attempt is horror, because even though you don't do much horror, I have read a few short pieces of yours that are in that genre and you're pretty good for someone who doesn't have much experience in horror.

    I think it should only get better and more interesting as it progresses, but I will say that your style is something that can press forward with any story that there is of yours. I am used to reading your first person stories, but that is because you write more first person than third person--as I also do, by the way.

    Keep up the great work... I look forward to reading more of thi story as soon as possible. I am enjoying it somewhat so far and hope to read more as I am able to read more this morning. I will read chapter 3, for sure, before even considering signing off.

  • I Write naked gold member
    September 11

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    I like

    I read the first two chapters of your story. I think it is really good. The premise sort of reminds me of a few anime I have seen, but you are definetly making it very unique. I think that you should write a prologue for it. I think you maybe use a little too much expostion in the first chapter. An expample would be when the security guard ask her about going up top. I just think using dialogue to show his worry would be better than how you told the reader. . I did think you did an excellent job of indivualizing the main characters I can't find a whole lot more to say. This is a very nice set up. I can't wait to see what happens when they go up top

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.


  • Shali
    September 10
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    I love it! Keep up the good work!


  • Lawrie gold member
    September 9

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    I believe you've done extremely well here. Over a thousand words with just two people holding a telephone conversation is some feat

    Although this chapter is basically one scene, you have held it together remarkeably well by allowing the two character's emotions to show through - I felt at times that I was sitting in the back of a beat up truck, eavesdropping.

    This first part of the story seems to be coming to an end, and it won't be long now before the secrets of aboveground are slowly revealed. I hope so anyway

    Some pesky little bugs that need squishing:

    6 - whole - hole

    15 - into - in to

    15 - this 'mole' comment - the 'mole' comment

    19 - The frown on Eddie's face deepened as he attempted to take in what had been said while lightning thoughts flashed through his brain of what could go wrong aboveground. - *phew - looks in mirror and notices face has turned blue while gagging for breath* - I think that perhaps a comma could be placed in there someplace; how about a comma after 'said'?

    23 - Edgar - Richard has used the name 'Eddie' throughout the conversation, so why change it for this one time?

    34 - As major, - should the title not be capitalized?

    35 - 10, 312 - 10,312

    In para 3, Eddie is smoking. I'm still waiting for him putting out the cigarette (unless its a blinkin' loooong one ). May I suggest he stubs out his cigarette before he begins twisting from side to side in para 4.

    A good read, delving into the psyche of Eddie as well as the emotions of two people with a lot of responsibility.

    Well done

1 - 6 of 6