The Vicar's Daughter

Hello my name is Gloria, I am fifteen years of age, go to an all girls school (Bath-Mouth girls school) and I live with my fifty-one year old dad, as my mum passed away when I was only nine.1

I am five foot nine, the tallest out of all my friends. I have long, curly and messy dark blonde hair, which I always wear a silver head band around.
I love to wear skinny jeans or leggings,with shiny silver or Black tap shoes (even though I don't do tap.)
I wear long puffy flowery dresses, or long plaited shirts.
I have shiny green eyes, with not very long eyelashes, dark eyebrows which need a pluck, and pouted pale pink lips.
I don't wear make-up because I believe If I never wear it , then I wont know what I look like with it on, leaving me no temptation to want to wear it again. 2

My dad is the Vicar of our towns church, we have both lived together on our own, since my mother sadly passed away six years ago of cancer. My dad has never since looked at another women.
We live in a very large, five bedroom , house beside the Church. Even though we live on our own, people are always over for food and drinks. And my dad is constantly welcoming lodgers, no matter the circumstances.3

You must be thinking because I am the Vicars daughter, I am a complete angel, who leads her teenage life as sin free as possible.
Well no, you are wrong, that's not exactly the case.
because I have had religion forced on me my whole life, I cannot help but rebel.4

I believe the man my Dad constantly "yaps" on about is truly up there, somewhere, but I just don't agree with everything he wants us to go by.5

I am not a virgin. I lost my virginity when I was only thirteen, to my dad's best friend's son (so I'm not the only one who isn't a complete angel) who was sixteen at the time, in the churches garden. Yes, I have committed fornication. And now at the age of fifteen I have committed it 40 more times, all different males, since then. And not to forget I love Females as-well. So I must be going to hell for "Practising" Homosexuality. 6

I started smoking at ten years old, 6 months after my mothers death. Then that led on to pot, at twelve.
Now I am also a Social drug taker, and Dealer. I also have been drinking so much since I was thirteen, leaving me with Hangovers all the time.So I do not live with a sober mind.7

 I am actually really chuffed with myself, and slightly annoyed with my dad, that he hasn't got one clue that I do any of this.
In his eyes , I am still his little angel.
He will surely find out sometime, when I fail in all my GCSE's, or when I grow Ill with an STD , or cancer just like my mother.8

I suppose I could blame my mothers death for the reason I behave this way, or the way my Dad hardly has anytime for me. But I know they are no excuse for being a teenage , an alcoholic, someone who is a reason for other peoples lives being destroyed, and a failure.
Not everyone broken person does bad.9

 10

So I suppose maybe it's time to go and Apologise to the man up there...11

Author notes

Sorry If anyone was offended by this story, it shouldn't have come across that way. I am a Christian myself.
The story was actually to show how some teenage girls actually are like in this day and age. And to show most of them blame the way they act on something tragic that has happened in their life, or family problems. I added the Religion bit to make a twist to the story line.

Do you think Gloria is Broken or just selfish?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • kAlid3sc0p3-eyes
    November 17
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    I'm not sure what this is but I didn't really like it. You didn't lay out the character in an interesting enough way or long enough for me to really get inside her head and answer your question.


  • MeKaBa
    November 12
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Both

    It is a good outline for a story. Not a new idea at all but still a nice starting place. If you want to make it into a short novel you will need to rewrite it using most of the suggestions you have already gotten. It takes time but you can do it. I do think the number of guys is a bit much how many guys go to school in a village where she lives? I guess I assume she lives in a small village , maybe she goes to a larger school. I don't know it is not part of my world.

  • MeredithRice
    November 2
    Edit | Reply

    broken

    i think it would be a good idea if that you sort of show not tell the story it sounds like your just introducing your self at school? im not sure, was tyhat your motive? but its a very good idea i can really relatew to this story too

    beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 4, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 3.

  • almost alex
    October 19
    Edit | Reply

    broken

    to be honest, it all seems a little neat, trite and easy... I get what your trying to say about her using her mothers death as en excuse for her behavior.... but you're overlooking the fact that no teenager would put themselves through all that bad news for no reason at all... and frankly, I find it kind of insulting to people who really do wrestle with alcohol and drug addiction... any person who has this kind of substance abuse problems coupled with sexual codependency, at any age, must obviously have serious psychological and/or emotional problems....

    to be fair, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that this a character who is trying to make herself out to be a stereotype... hadn't really considered that possibility yet.

    You've also got some very very rudimentary grammatical errors... quite a few... personally, I think it would be inappropriate to have this character speak flawless english, so you should probably go through and take a hard look at things that just look like typos and mistakes as an author, and which ones fit the type of slang that this teenager would actually use.

    beginning: 1, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 1, characters: 2.


  • blueberryjam456
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    ILL SAY SELFISH SHES NOT REALLY SHOWING BROKEN SHES BLAMING IT ON HER MOM WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY SHES IS .SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN ACTION


  • Sickopath333
    October 13

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    Not sure I like the title of this work.. that, along with how the storyline is kind of typical (girl with a really good Christian father, lost her mother, does really bad things and somewhat loathes the father for not knowing his own daughter is a slut) makes it all seem like any other read on this subject. This is kind of a familiar plot idea, and though the ending does take it a tad away from where most others end, the suicide ending as a way of reconciliation is typical as well. Obviously there were grammar issues, some typos (and the bunnie hopping about; funny and cute though), and not sure how I felt about the I narration.. it's not poorly written at all, it's just all too familiar a tale.


  • billiejeanismyname
    October 9

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    Wow... I really like this!!! I don't get some of the words.... but I really love it... this story sounds like it will be really interesting

  • Diaboro
    October 7

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    Well...It was surprising to say the least and that's the biggest strength of this story. The story could be stretched a bit, some could even make several chapters out of it. You got the "idea". I would say you should expand on it.


  • corrupthoughts
    September 25

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    This is interesting, I did not see where this was going with the way it starts, and I like that. I do not think this is offensive at all, however, I'm not exactly a saint. You bring a interesting point to light, the fact these girls (and boys) blame it on some other cause is very true.. but at the same time, up-brining can influence negative behavious as well, even when its meant to do good.. you showed that well, when you say;

    "because I have had religion forced on me my whole life, I cannot help but rebel"

    .. it is an incrediably true statement, also when you say that she believes in god, but not everything he supposidly wants us to go by... is a feeling many can relate too, including myself.

    you did a good job at showing the other-side, however, I do believe there is quite a bit more to it than that.

    I do, by the way, have some suggestions to the writing of this and a few errors I pointed out;

    para 2 - your brackets; "(considering I don't do tap)" the word 'considering' is not right for that sentances. It should be more like; 'even though I don't do tap.'

    para 2 - at the very end, you should add the word 'again' after 'temptation to want to wear it'

    para 8 - "or when I grow Ill with an STD" - there seems to be just a small stumble of words her

    great job, man! keep your style, don't hold back for fear of opinions.


  • Keeana
    September 17

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    I have mixed feelings about this.

    On one hand, I like it and want to read more because it is interesting; a drug dealing, alcoholic, nymphomanic is the preacher's daughter. That might be fun to read about.

    But then, it doesn't really flow well at all. And I don't know, I can't really put my finger on it but something's off.

    Once you post the second chapter I'll see what exactly is bothering me...

    Anyways, okay start. I'd practice on making the story flow and what not.


  • Scarlet Akira
    September 12

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    OMG! this is an awsome story. I think that she's broken. You can tell by yher atitude. You did a really great job on this. I love it so much. You have great writting talent. You did a great great job. I'm loking forward to reading more of your stories. You did a fantastic job on this!

  • Plogop
    September 12

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    The description of the girl right at the start is too clearly just a description which doesn't flow with the rest of the story, and takes up too much time.

    It doesn't seem to go anywhere, but that could be a good thing because I don't know how long you intend to make this story.

    In my opinion, 'Gloria' is clearly meant to be broken, and comes across a bit like that, but she also has no explainable reason for that. It takes more than a dead mother to break someone. I suppose my first impression of Gloria was jerk. Sorry if it's not meant to be, but it is. I think of a spoiled jerk who doesn't know what other people have to go through

  • mcfreeman
    September 8
    Edit | Reply

    Spoiled...

    soiled

1 - 13 of 13