Undone - Chapter 3: Brandon

“Oh Brandon! It’s finally going to happen!” Naomi squealed and leapt into my arms.1

“I know! I’m so happy. I can’t imagine a moment without you. My life would be nothing without you. If I could have one wish, it’d be to spend the rest of eternity with you. Oh, wait, that just came true!” I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her thin frame close to me.2

“I never want to leave you.”3

“As if I’d let you leave me!”4

I kissed her passionately, putting all of my love into it.5

Then the screaming started.6

I jerked upward.7

The same dream. Over and over and over again. All with that alternate ending of the memory. It was the last time that I saw her. The last time I saw her before…before I saw her in the coffin. She didn’t scream when I kissed her, that was just the cruel way that my nightmares taunted me. These nightmares haunted every single night of my life since that day. Why? Why did it target me? Do I somehow subconsciously blame myself for it?8

“Brandon! Did you fall asleep doing your homework again?” It was my father’s voice.9

“No!” I said stubbornly at the door, where I knew my father was standing on the other side.10

“Good, because Ann’s here!”11

“What?!” I quickly straightened everything out and stuck a mint in my mouth.12

The door opened and in stepped Ann. We’d been pretty close for a while now. She was there for me after Naomi died. My savior, she was. She held me whenever I broke down from stress. She picked up my phone calls at 2 a.m. in the morning. She didn’t tell anyone about my breakdowns. She didn’t say anything about the fake smiles I put on in front of everyone: my friends, my family…myself.13

“Ann!” I opened my door and she hugged me. A simple gesture that reassured our friendship. I don’t know if she thinks it’s friendship and I don’t know if it ever will be more than that. But for now, I’m content with what I have. If I don’t value what I have now, there’s a bigger chance that I’ll lose it. I’ll grasp onto this because I know I wasn’t giving Naomi my full love, my full attention, and that is why she died so easily. Because I didn’t grasp onto her. Because I allowed her to walk home alone when I always walk her home. Because I made a stupid mistake and she had to pay for it.14

“Brandon?” She saw the look in my eyes and she knew. Ann was just like that. She knew exactly what I would feel just by looking at me and she always reacted perfectly. She turned around and closed the door, then came to face me again. She took my hand and led me to my bed, where we sat down.15

“Talk to me,” she simply said, bringing her legs up and sitting cross-legged.16

“I had the nightmare again. It…it keeps coming back. Just when I have a different dream, and go to sleep just hoping that I won’t have the bad one again, it comes back. And I have absolutely no idea why. I’m afraid to go to sleep. Every time I eat, I cough it back up. My stomach won’t accept food. My body can’t endure anything. My mind doesn’t allow me to think. I…I’m losing it. It just keeps getting worse. What happened to time heals all wounds? EVERYTHING’S GETTING WORSE!” Another breakdown was coming, I could feel it. I slumped over to the side, my head resting on her shoulder. I started crying and she stroked my hair, like my mother used to. It always seemed to calm me down, even if it is only a little bit.17

“Brandon, honey, don’t worry about it. I won’t lie to you and say that time will heal all wounds because I know very well that it won’t. We both know it. But, if you want me to say it so that you can go another day with that lie in mind, hoping it will come true, then I will. Just for you,” She continued stroking my hair. I started bawling, and she wrapped her arms around me.18

“How can you stand it? You knew her longer than me.” I said between sobs.19

“We’ve already gone over this, Brandon.” She whispered softly.20

“Tell me again. I want – I want to learn.”21

“I just keep imagining she’s alive. Like she’s not dead. I imagine she moved away. Left us all. But she didn’t suffer any pain to get where she is now. She just moved and the only person in pain right now is me. I try my best to keep a straight poker face, but only around the people that care about me. If they saw me breaking down, they’d probably blame themselves for not being able to help me, and I don’t want that. I loved Naomi, of course I did. And I love you, Brandon, because you’re the only one I’ll ever need. If I don’t love you enough, I’ll lose you.” She kissed my forehead. I wonder if she realizes how motherly she is.22

“Why are you doing this, Ann?”23

“Doing what?”24

“Being here for me. I mean, we were barely close before the incident.”25

“You and I were as close to Naomi as anyone outside family could get. You were going to be married to her, and I’d already bonded with her as the sister she never had. We were connected to her. It’s like, you’re on one side of her, and I’m on the other. Now that she’s disappeared, we’ve both clashed. If that makes any sense,” she laughed and sniffled.26

“Anyway, all sad thoughts aside. How was your date with Ian?”27

“What?!” I jerked my head away, staring at her. She had this goofy grin on her face, like she’d either heard or told the funniest joke on the face of the planet.28

“Date?! What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”29

“Nothing, nothing. Sam kept taunting me, saying that I was coming over here and having a threesome with you guys. Aw, come on; don’t get angry, it was just a joke. Brandon!” She was shaking me, and I was glaring at the floor. This was how I came into the conversation? With the topic of SEX? I remained silent.30

“Brandon, don’t act like a child!” I dramatically crossed my arms and turned away, sticking my nose in the air. “That’s not funny,” she said, cocking an eyebrow. I saw it out of the corner of my eye.31

“I don’t appreciate being included in a conversation when it includes my sex life.”32

“Your sex life includes Ian? Aw, dude, that’s just disgusting.” She gagged.33

“Shut up, Ann!”34

“Alright, alright. We should go, anyway. What do I tell Sam? The threesome went great?”35

“Oh yeah. And tell her you climaxed four times.”36

“And how many times did YOU ejaculate mister sex maniac?”37

“Ten.”38

Her eyes widened with a fake curiosity. “Wow, you must really like threesomes! Let’s do this again sometime, eh?”39

“Sure thing, baby,” I winked and then lunged toward her and bit her on the neck, pushing her against the door and pressing myself against her body. It was playful at first, but I then realized how much I missed the feel of skin beneath my lips and Ann’s was just so soft. It reminded me of Naomi’s, and before I realized it I looked into Ann’s eyes and saw her. My hands explored Ann’s body as if it were Naomi’s, snaking beneath the cashmere top she wore. I cupped herm feeling her harden beneath my touch. She sighed, shivers running through her body.40

“Brandon,” she whispered my name. There was something in her tone, something I couldn’t put my finger on. I traced my lips up her neck, along her jaw line, until finally my lips made contact with hers. I kissed her for a moment before it felt wrong. Naomi’s lips were softer and more tender, and that’s when I realized that I wasn’t kissing the girl I loved. I pulled away and stared at her in horror as I saw Ann and not Naomi, like I did a second ago.41

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized immediately.42

“Let’s go now?” She said a bit shakily.43

“Yeah,” I said, getting up and leading the way out of my room and out of the house.44

I hadn’t been to Naomi’s grave with Ann since her funeral a year ago.