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i haven't eaten much lately. i can't pull myself together; i'm a shell of whatever i was before. i jump from moods of joy to depressions that are bleaker than death. i keep trying to deal with it, but it's all a slough and it pulls me down. he's the only thing holding me up, and even he drives me crazy to no end. i'm falling, and i'm probably about to faint. so sick to my stomach but i know i should eat. i'm so scared of everything that's happening, and i have trouble finding the motivation to endure. God, I know you are holy. You have a purpose in all that is happening, and you are going to make me stronger. I praise you. When I praise you, I feel almost normal again. When I think of myself, I am in misery. Let me think on you, let me trust you. Give me the strength to keep going. i don't want to merely endure; I want to live. I want to trhive. I don't want to stand around killing time, waiting for the next thing to happen, but I want to praise you, witness, use each day to its fullest. i probably just got all sorts of horrible germs into my muoth. screw it. i really don't care any more. God, can you give me motivation again, actually caring again? 1

the wheels turn 2

creak, creak, creak3

no one turns, no surprise at 4

the empty wheelchair being pushed along the street.5

a stomach growls,6

churns, but 7

no one says they're hungry.8

how are you? we all ask9

very good, we all reply10

even though our burdens make our backs bleed. 11

I'm so exhausted12

constantly exhausted13

all i want is to lay down next to you.14

tell me it'll be okay.15

tell me it'll be okay.16

i didn't realize how much I 17

depended on you until I thought about18

losing you, and I got more scared than19

i've ever gotten in my life.20

let me curl up next to you21

don't take it as the sick minds might,22

you can ignore me, that's fine23

just don't push me away.24

just let me know that you are there25

let me reach my hand out and 26

touch your shoulder,27

remember28

i will be okay if you are there. 29