Old Betty Henderson: Chocolate Chaos

"The Lord watches over all of your sins!" said Father Charles with a most serious stare on his face. As the heat poured into the church, sweat dripped below the preacher's two bulging eyes. Spitting out the words of indulgence, he told the men and women that the only way to be spared from the wrath of God was to do good in the first place. "We are gathered here, brothas and sistas, to be shined the light of eternal fate in heaven."1

"Amen, Father Charles!" exclaimed old Betty Henderson from the back row of the church. Flapping a paper fan in her face, she was feeling much more than just the heat of the lord's blessings. Other ladies in the church turned to see who had blurted aloud, and Betty acknowledged them by smiling and moving her head. As her elderly neck tilted forward, the feather on her large purple hat fluttered in the air.2

Mrs. Henderson continued to look around and found her eyes on the sight of the woman next to her. The lady in her view, May Thibodeaux, was one of the most religious people there. She had her bible open and was glaring straight ahead, listening to every word that Father Charles had to say. "We must save ourselves from our mistakes," he continued.3

Getting a tad bit hungry, and being exhausted from the hot temperatures, Betty decided to have a little snack. Pulling things out of her enormous, flower-designed bag, she managed to find a chocolate bar. Hunger called to her, telling her to munch every last gram of the chocolaty goodness. Without hesitating, Betty shoved the candy into her mouth. As pieces of wrapper flew into the air, the old woman soon realized that the heat was melting her candy. Not even giving herself a chance to swallow, she had to get it all in her mouth before it was too messy. As she made a very subtle muddle in the back of the church, Charles continued with his preaching.4

"God will know if you do something wrong," he shouted. Betty took another bite, completely missing the candy bar and hurting her front teeth. "Those who sin shall be punished." She started nibbling on her fingers, licking up the oozing, dripping chocolate. "If any of you dare to defy the Lord's requests..." As the preacher continued, Mrs. Thibodeaux turned to see why Betty was making so much noise. "...you will doubtlessly be scarred by the marks of God."5

Abruptly, a loud scream caused everyone in the church to become eerily silent. May Thibodeaux was looking straight at Betty with her hand over her own mouth. Betty looked back, startled as to why May screamed, and didn't even bother to wipe the puddles of chocolate off of her face. As May finally worked up the courage to move her hand off of her lips, she let out another huge scream and pointed at the chocolate cheeks on Betty's face. "God has marked the sinner! God has scarred the sinner!"6

A giant uproar of panic and chaos suddenly filled the church. People got out of their seats and ran for their lives in fear of no mercy from their callous lord. Mobs of people blocked the doors, and aisles were cluttered beyond their limits. Men started diving over benches, and families fought over shelter under the piano. The older ladies started using their poofy hats as shields and their bibles as weapons. One woman even got hers stuck on the ceiling. As disaster continued, screams echoed off of the tall, fort-like walls. Mrs. Thibodeaux kneeled in the corner, praying, while Father Charles started crying. Betty continued to sit down and watched the mass of craziness. Pulling out a napkin from her giant purse, she vowed to never eat candy again.7

* * *8

After the piece of chocolate had destroyed the entire church, Betty found herself staying in her house as much as possible. If someone came to her door, she would peek through her window to see who it was, and then usually hide until the person gave up and left. As her skills improved, Betty learned how to dart away from the window at record speed. Like a bird in a Dutch coo-coo clock, she dashed forward, saving herself from humiliation. Betty only opened the door for one person, and that was her grandson.9

Peter was not the most loving of grandsons. In fact, ever since Betty's last birthday, he has tried to avoid her as much as possible. On that interesting day, Peter had bought her a beautiful poster of a sunset. Not understanding it's purpose, Betty thanked him and shoved it away in her closet. Peter found it in her trash can around three times. Eventually, in a very angry manner, he forced her to hang it in her house. Still not sure as to what it was, Betty nailed it in her bedroom - upside-down. Even though it still looked like it was in the garbage, Peter gave up and refused to give another comment. He had tried very hard to give her a great present, but she was just too old and senile. After that day, Peter has only given her one thing - mean looks. She does not mind though, because she is oblivious to those as well. Betty believes that Peter loves her to death.10

Mrs. Henderson sat in her favorite chair and looked at the poster on her wall. She truly could not comprehend the purpose of the art. As she payed attention to the askew details, she watched the yellow sun hover in the green clouds and blue mountains. 11

"I better get a better darn gift that's better," she whispered to herself as she continued to acknowledge the wrinkly piece of paper above her headboard. "It's been a year since I got that crappy thing, and I better get sumthin' better today."12

While blissfully rocking in her chair, the birthday lady neglected to hear Peter walk in. Like an evil Santa Claus, Peter came baring a gift that he was sure would put an end to all of his grandmother's rudeness. As Betty swung around and noticed his presence, she grabbed for the gift and immediately started shredding the wrappings to pieces. Peter tried to tell her to have a happy birthday, but she was so busy with the present that the attempt was deemed unsuccessful.13

An energetic Betty got halfway through the mayhem when she instantly froze in fear. Her body left the crazy childish mode and went into the mode of utter shock and horror. Looking down at the chunk of junk that was once a beautifully organized gift, she could see what Peter had gotten her. "You got me candy," she said with a gasp. As her lips trembled, her jaw twitched in fear.14

"Not just candy," began Peter with a subtle smile on his face. "Practically every single chocolate treat that I could find."15

"But you... you... you know that I don't eat candy anymore," said the still-shaking grandmother. She looked down at all of the chocolate in her lap. Chocolate bars, chocolate balls, and chocolate eggs piled on top of each other.16

Peter let the next part of his revenge begin. "Awww... you don't like my gift." He put his hands over his eyes and pretended to be crying. Peeking through his hands, he could see that Betty was feeling guilty.17

"Oh crap," she exclaimed. Not giving herself a chance to change her mind, she decided to go ahead and eat a piece of chocolate. Tossing a round piece of candy into her mouth, she started pleasing her grandson. But as if she had forgotten how to eat chocolate, she suddenly found it impossible to chew. Since it was not that big, Betty decided to just go ahead and swallow it.18

Peter watched the candy go in her mouth and giggled. He had made her do something that she did not want to do. To him, the revenge almost felt as sweet as the candy itself. He looked down at her face and watched her gulp down the chocolate. But as he stood in glee, he noticed something different about her face. It was turning purple.19

"Ahhhhwagggaaaaa!" Betty squealed. She was choking on the anti-chewable ball of candy. Jumping out of her chair, she started squirming around like a chicken. Running in circles, the dizzy old lady started tripping over herself. As she leaned forward to somehow push the candy out of her throat, she stepped on her own foot and used more chicken-like qualities to flutter to the ground. Twitching on the floor, the old bat looked like the wrinkled sunset poster.20

Peter stood in shock and found himself surprised to be concerned. He did not really care that she was choking, but he was worried about his fingerprints being at the sight of her death. Jumping in to help her, he grabbed her by the stomach and tried to pump the chocolate out. With each tug that he made, her eyes bulged out more and more. After about ten or twelve pounds with his fist, she let out a burp-like roar and the candy flew out of her mouth. While catching her breath, Betty pulled out a napkin from her purse, and wiped the drool off of her face. She then vowed to never eat candy again, again.21

She feebly crawled over to the piece of droopy gunk and noticed that it was actually not a ball of chocolate at all. Betty had somehow managed to choke on a marble. 22

"How on earth did a marble end up in my darn candy!" she screamed. With Peter's help, Betty got off of the ground. Being saved by her loving grandson, Betty was changed and full of happy inspiration. She thanked him for saving her life and told him that she truly valued all of his gifts. She even went up to the sunset poster and gave it a big kiss.23

Mrs. Henderson then headed towards the phone and dialed the number on the back of the candy's wrapper. As she filed a complaint about the small item in her candy, questions spit out of her mouth, as in: "Have you guys lost your marbles?" The staff apologized for the inconvenience. The story quickly became big news and Betty found herself on the phone with one of the owners. Feeling very sorry for her, he decided to give her a lifetime supply of delicious chocolate.24

After hearing that she was going to get more candy, Betty dropped the phone. She looked over at Peter and grew an outraged look on her face. In a very hypocritical fashion, the upset granny ripped the sunset poster in two and threw the pieces out the window.25