The hazy air of the room clouds her senses, evoking feelings within her. Rose rubs her eyes and takes in her surroundings.1
The bedroom is shadowy, faintly lit by the waning moon that gleams through the window. Dust lifts sluggishly from the wooden floorboards of the room, obscuring her view of the city lights outside. Enclosing the room are four cracked beige walls that soften something within her with their homeliness.2
Rising from the chair, she tiptoes across the floor, taking care to avoid the moan of the displaced floorboards, sitting down at the foot of the bed. The quilt cover is a deep blue with silver horizontal strips that run in perfect intervals across the double bed. Rose watches the gentle rise and fall of his body under the bedcover. Daniel’s breaths are regular. Beside him is an empty space, a groove in the bed where she should lie next to him.3
His honey-coloured, bamboo clothing bin sits in the corner, its lid slightly ajar. The sleeve of the green polo shirt hangs out from the basket in a dishevelled manner, the corrupting red wine stain on the collar hidden under indigo jeans. 4
Daniel sleeps on his side, his long legs curled up. Rose examines the golden flesh of his back, running a finger down his shoulder blade. His pointy chin is tucked close to his neck, a caramel lock of hair tickling his cheek. He pouts as he sleeps, brows pressed together, his dark lashes fluttering erratically as he dreams. 5
Rose recalls with ease how she first met him. At the time, she was living a few blocks down the road. Every day at six thirty-one pm, she saw him, a beautiful youth striding past her house in his pin-striped suit, clutching a leather brief-case. As weeks passed, she came to expect his appearance, without fail, every day at six thirty-one pm. Soon she began checking her mailbox at that time, feigning interest in bills and advertising materials, just to get a better look at the stranger. 6
One night as he hurried down the street, he smiled at her calmly. The next night, he greeted her. And on the third night, he asked Rose out, confident and glowing. 7
They have been with each other for almost a year now, their anniversary just a week away. In celebration, he’s taking her to Hawaii: just the two of them, for 10 days. In the tropical paradise, they’ll walk along the beach together, drinking tequilas. They’ll go scuba diving together, and Daniel will teach her how to surf. She’d have to pack on Friday for the flight… 8
At the turning-point in their relationship, Rose knows that they’re ready to commit, to promise eternity, and she knows that he’s going to promise it very soon. Of course, once they get married they’ll have to move somewhere bigger, with more space for kids to run around. Yes, as much as Rose loves his apartment, she’s having a baby, so change is imminent. 9
Rose dreams of a traditional, red brick home with white railings and a chimney. She wants a big backyard in the suburbs and a couple of golden retrievers for the kids to play with, frolicking through long, uncut grass under the spring sun.10
Rose reflects contentedly on these thoughts, her life and her future with Daniel. Happiness swells within her, an infectious, warm feeling that spreads from limb to limb like wildfire.11
She crawls into bed next to Daniel, slipping her bare legs under the covers, entwining them with his. Her chest pressed against his back, she can feel his breath quickening, a gentle sigh escaping from his lungs. 12
“I love you,” she whispers, her lips brushing against the nape of his neck. 13
As dawn settles into the sky, night comes to an end. Light spills in from the window, illuminating the bedroom and blinding her eyes. Instinctively, she flinches. 14
The coming heat of day enflames her skin. Her heartbeat accelerates and sweat dribbles down her forehead. She shakes her head violently.15
Her dreams scatter, and the nothingness of the empty, stone room slaps her in the face. Daniel fades back into the corners of her mind. Rose’s shaky hand fumbles around in her pocket, searching. She pulls out three white pills and shoves them down her throat. 16
Alas, without fail, every day at six thirty-one pm, she sits by the mailbox, sifting through old letters, waiting for Daniel. In actuality, he comes, striding past, full of his youthful glory. He gazes at her and sometimes smiles, but he doesn’t seem to know her name. 17
Daniel is a beautiful carving: an almost tangible intricacy. The image is marred by imperfections, uneven slashes in the woodwork where the omnipotent knife has slipped, slapped-on paint veiling the inconsistency. Gradually the chunk of red mahogany curves into the slender figure of purpose. Oh, it is a beautiful dream... 18
Even in daylight, Daniel returns, immaculate and ageless, giving her purpose. She sinks back into her delusion; it encloses her body, a warm casing that presses tight against her skin. Eyes firmly shut, Rose shudders with pleasure.19
Author notes
Through writing this story, I aim to show the difference between reality and dreams, and how fine the line is. As well as that, I hope to show the naivety of the human mind, how easily and devastatingly it can be influenced by our aspirations. Our subconscious minds have ways of showing us particular realities, hiding imperfections, depending on what helps us cope with life. I originally came up with this idea when I thought of the powerful effect dreams have on us.
Thanks for reading! COMMENT!!!
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
-
Elfsong - thanks for replying! Um, maybe something like she stabbed him, a car crashed through the window and killed him, the letter box turned into a vicious monster and ate him...
I would've liked to see him dead ;D -
-
Ah yes, that is something I would usually throw into a story like this. It'd probably would've been better if he was actually dead =) However, it would then be way too similar to another story I've written... I might come back to this in the future and re-do it if I have time.
-
-
very good, interesting and deep. I didnt realize what was dream and what wasnt for a moment, but I think I understand now. very good, nice descriptiveness but not much of it.
-
Okay
It is badly plotted, I must admit, sorry to say. It could have been nicer if some tragic scene cam along...
-
-
Thanks for being honest. What kind of tragic scene did you have in mind?
-
-
Very interesting. Her musings seemed a bit too good to be true, so I suspected something was up. I still enjoyed the reveal at the end, though; your imagery was particularly eye-catching. You gave the reader a nice look at the twists and turns of the mind, showing just what a fragile thing both it and dreams can be.
-
-
Thanks for the comment =)
-
-
I loved this! The style is fantastic, and the imagery is brilliant.
I think you should keep writing, maybe develop it into more? Maybe I'm wrong, but it's just a suggestion!! (:
You've done a really good job. I love it. -
-
Thanks! I'm very glad you like it. I can't see anything more happening with this anytime soon, but maybe in the future I will think about it =)
-
-
I liked it, There was absolutely no spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes. Also, I loved the language.
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thank you very much =D
-
-
I really enjoyed this. The language was beautiful, and your use of detail really grabbed me. The ending is slightly cliche, but I would leave it just because of the emotion it conveys.
I want to know more about Daniel. Why is he gone? I also am curious about the title. Why six thirty-one? Why not another time? Does this hold specific meaning?
In all I loved reading this. Keep writing!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 5.
-
-
Thanks for the comment! Daniel... was never hers. In her dreams they are in love, but in reality he is just the boy who walks past every day at 6:31 (which explains the title). I hope this helps =)
-
-
It's really amazing; awesome job!! The imagery is beautiful, and it flows together really nicely.
-
i thoroughly enjoyed this story. you kept me interested up until the very end (which did not disappoint). Very well done.Thank you for sharing. The only minor change i would suggest is the word 'night-time' in paragraph 16. i would simply use 'night'. other than that a joy to read.
-
-
Thanks very much; I've made the change =)
-
-
Wow, I only skimmed through a few parts of it but it sounds amazing. I'll come back and read tomorrow.
Kudos so far though! -
Oh my gosh
You describe it so well, I am so jealous right now, I think you do it better than me; good job, good job. I don't think I can have any suggestions, well, that can help you, they might just ruin it.
-
-
Thanks for your comment! I'm sure I'll manage to work something out. =)
-
-
wow, i love your descriptions and about the theme do you mean like for example she's i a coma and is dreaming about the boy she used to pass everyday at 6:31
oh and the title could be 6:31 as well, just a suggestion though. Anyways good job and i hope you finish this
Kat
-
-
I really like that idea! =D I might try it out. Thank you!
-
-
it very good, really detailed too. the emotions used are incredible how you displayed them. nice going
-
-
Thanks for your comment =P
-
-
This was very well written, I oved the detail and emotion you out into the story. As for the ending I am sorry to say that I dont have much help, it depends on what you want to do with the story.
Keep up the good work and good luck finishing it,
Dewbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thank you very much! I'm sorry I haven't been able to comment on any of your stories yet, but I've been way too busy to do a decent job of it at this moment. Thanks for your support! =)
-
-
first thing i'm sending from my phone so sorry about the lack of punctuation this is a nice beginning i like writing about everyday life it shows real talent to me the only thing i would say right now is that there is maybe too much description or maybe it just came too fast i look forward to seeing more
-
-
Thank you for the feedback =D
-
-
Amazing
This is very detailed and I understand the emotions and imagery fantastically.beginning: 5, ending: 4, characters: 3.
Adding your comment:
1 - 28 of 28
