Before I start i want to say that it is the first time i ever wrote a poem.1
Take away this wealth, Take away my popularity2
Take my youth away, may you call it insanity3
But return me my childhood where I was glad4
This teenage and wealth is making me mad5
I recall my memory of going to park6
And playing hide and seek in the dark7
I remeber watching that white, furry cat8
Chasing and Scaring that poor little rat9
The note from the school telling mom that I'm smart10
It pleased my mom and she took me to Wal- Mart11
She asked me what i want, I told her "a book"12
She turned towards me with a surprised look13
My brother annoyed me that I am a nerd14
But my mom told them it was me she preffered.15
That life was a treasure of joy and glee16
That life is the life I want to see17
That life was nice, that life was good18
i would go back there if I could.
Author notes
The first time ever so be a little polite while critsizing
A contest entry
- POETRY--II by rinzu.
175 points, ended October 30, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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thats sweet really...you did a good job with the rhymes...and hey i think you are still very young...so live up this time...!!!
good luck
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this is good, nice job.
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I do not critique, only comment. Your sentiments are well expressed in this poem. So for a first effort, I say -Bravo!!
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Awais it was an indian song..........
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Well, no, it my own.
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no Awais it was an Indian song....try to remember
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NOOO.
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First of all, i will criticize your critsisng. Your spellings in AN are wrong. Now, the poem was good but you haven't put it in my contest. I allow only new poems so you should have given it a try there.
Anyways, i liked the theme and rhyme of the poem very much. Good work. Keep it up. But you still need a little bit of work on rhythm.
*clappies*
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Awsome~
You have a nack for writing poems, really~
I wanna go back to being a kid~
-acts like one-
Well anyway I just think this is really good!
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