Who Am I? ~ Chapter Twenty Nine ~

You don’t really appreciate how fast plane travel is until you have been on a 16 hour bus ride. We boarded the plane at 1pm and got home about 3pm. 1

Late, we found ourselves gathering at the cemetery where Mum’s service was being held. I looked at the small crowd of people. There wasn’t many there: maybe about 6 at the most. Our grandmother was standing near the minister. She hadn’t met Taylor yet, or Kennedy. I had told her about Taylor on the phone, which was another shock for her. But I hadn’t mentioned Kennedy yet.2

I wasn’t sure if I should tell her. I was scared: I wasn’t sure how she would react. I didn’t want to take the chance of her taking Kennedy away from me. I wanted to look after her, and there was probably no way she would let that happen. So, I was debating whether I should tell her or not. I know that sounds horrible, but I was scared. If she wanted to take her, I wouldn’t be able to stop her. After all, she was her grandmother, and I was only 17.3

We slowly made our way over to her; she saw me coming and walked toward me, leaving the minister. She gave me a hug; her eyes were red and still filled with tears. 4

“This is Taylor” is all that I could get out without crying myself. 5

“It’s nice to finally meet you; it really is. You look just like your mother.” She smiled. 6

“I’m sorry that we had to meet like this; I didn’t find out about any of this until after Hayles met you, or I would have been there.”7

Our grandmother nodded and turned toward me. “I didn’t know that you had a baby, Hayleigh.” She said.8

I couldn’t lie; as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. This was her granddaughter; she had a right to know. She had lost her daughter and been lied to for 16 years; I just couldn’t do it. If she wanted to take her, there was nothing I could do about it. 9

“This isn’t my baby. This is Kennedy, your granddaughter. When we found Mum, she was planning on giving her up just like she did with Taylor and me. I want to take care of her; I would have told you sooner, but I was scared that you would take her away from me.” I said putting her in her arms. 10

“She is beautiful.” She looked down at the baby slowly, but then quickly looked back at me. “This is just too much, and I can’t deal with this.” She said handing her back. “I am burying my daughter today, a daughter I haven’t seen for 15 years, and now I have three grandchildren. I won’t take her from you; I am in no state to look after a child.” She added.11

“I’m sorry; it’s not as if we asked for this.” I said. 12

“Let’s just do this. I don’t want to sound cold, but I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this.” Her Mum said. 13

A long car, which you might call a hearse, pulled in near where her grave was dug. It stopped, and a few men got out of the car. I didn’t recognise them. She went over and greeted them with a hug, and she cried into the arms of one of them. He looked quite young, probably close to Mum’s age. His eyes were red and puffy too. He looked over at us as she said something to him. He started walking over and gave both Taylor and me a hug and Kennedy a kiss on the head. 14

“I’m Charlene’s brother. That makes me an uncle to you, I guess.” He said quietly. 15

I smiled with tears in my eyes. Taylor looked upset too. 16

“We’ll talk after; I have to go get Charlene,” he said, looking at the hearse. 17

It was so hard to actually accept that my mother was lying in the black glossy coffin inside the car. He walked to the back of it and helped the men slide the coffin up and position it on their shoulders. Slowly, they began the walk to her grave. They placed the coffin on the silver-lowering tray and stood around it. On top of the coffin they placed a photo of her. She looked about 15, and I’m guessing it was probably one of the last photos they took of her. It was also covered in flowers.18

She was beautiful, and she looked so happy; she didn’t look like the woman that we met. She had a glow about her, a genuine light for life. 19

“We are here today to commit the body of Charlene Davies to the earth in which she came from.” The minister started.20

Taylor grabbed my hand and stood close to me. I don’t remember when I started to cry, but tears flowed down my face once more as I tried to muffle my sobs. Taylor sobbed quietly on my shoulder. I didn’t want to do this; I didn’t want to bury my Mother! I had just found her. I felt like a broken record, but it wasn’t fair! I couldn’t understand it! Why did this have to happen? Why? I didn’t really feel like a Christian burial was right for her; I didn’t think that she even had faith, but it was what her Mother wanted. 21

“Why?” I sobbed. The tears fell as the minister continued the ceremony.22

“The Lord is my Shepherd: therefore can I lack nothing. He shall feed me in a green pasture: and lead me forth beside the waters of comfort.23

He shall convert my soul: and bring me forth in the path of righteousness, for his Name’s sake. 24

Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff comfort me. 25

We have come to give your daughter back to you our heavenly father; we hope that she may find peace with you. Though her life cut tragically short, she will live on in the hearts of the ones that hold her dear. May her children Hayleigh and Taylor; her family find peace. Please join together now in prayer: 26

Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. Amen. 27

We will now each take a minute to say goodbye.” He said. 28

I wasn’t really listening; I was too upset, and all I could do was cry. I couldn’t see: my eyes were filled that bad. I stepped forward, but I couldn’t say anything. Every time I tried, I got too emotional. Instead, I collapsed to the ground beside her coffin as it began to be lowered into the ground. Luca now had Kennedy, and he rushed to my side. 29

“I’m okay. Just leave me!” I cried with my hands on her coffin.30

“Please don’t leave me, Mum,” I sobbed in a whisper. “Please come back.” Taylor sat on the ground next to me. 31

Our grandmother was now hysterical. Her son helped her walk out of the cemetery. She didn’t even try and talk to us after it. She left almost straight away. I understood though: she was upset. This was hard for her. I would go and see her in a couple of weeks when emotions were not so high. 32

“Luca, can you take Kennedy home to Mum’s, change her and stuff? I am going to stay here for a little bit. I will be there soon.” I said. 33

“Hun, I don’t want you leave you alone here.”34

“Please, she needs clean clothes and feeding and a nap.” I said.35

“I will stay here with her, Luca. I am not ready to go either.” Taylor said. 36

Luca didn’t want to go, I could tell, but he left and took Kennedy to Mum and Dad’s. I assumed they would be here. I couldn’t be angry with them anymore; they were all I had left. Being here made me realise I needed them so much. They had lied and done the wrong thing, but it was a lie out of love; it wasn’t intentional. It was like I had thought too soon; I turned toward the exit and saw Mum standing at the gate. She looked unsure of whether to come in or not. I jumped up and looked at her. I could see the pain in her eyes. She still didn’t seem sure, but before I knew, my legs had moved me. I ran to her arms and started bawling again. 37

I knew that deep down everything would be okay now.38