I told you how I felt,
I felt like a belt,
Being used over and over again,
Fuck the fame,
I don't want you if you are just using me,
I want to be free,
Fuck the friends I thought I had,
It just makes me so mad,
That they were in on it,
So I will keep on doing as I fit,
Fuck all the times we spent together,
I just wanted to be there for you forever,
I like you,
I really do,
You just don't understand,
It's like I have no land,
Like I don't belong,
So goodbye, So long,
I think you have made yourself clear,
I'm tired of living in fear,
I finally had the courage to go ahead and tell you,
I thought I would feel good but all I do is feel blue,
So now when people ask if I know you,
I just say I would have no clue,
If only we had stayed friends,
And left out all the bends,
And just gone straight,
And then I could still call you mate,
I was always there for you,
When you were blue,
Why the sudden change,
I know you thought I was acting strange,
But that's because I was jealous,
Jealous of her and you,
Always laughing,
Then when I came you would stop,
How come I can't help you?
Even when you have no clue,
Listen, I know you don't trust me but trust me on this,
I will be there to help you, even if I have to use my fist,
I will kill who tries to hurt you,
You truly have no clue,
But now class is near its end,
So i'll go around the bend,
And get lost,
Just like you say boss,
Don't cry,
When I finally say goodbye.1
-Chantelle.2
3
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Thanks for all of your comments, I will definately change the language for those who think Goodbye is better then bye bye.
Hope you keep reading my stories
Thanks again guys -
Hm. Interesting. The poem reads more like a rant or someone's thoughts. But, in this case, I think that works. It moves along very well, and the emotions are conveyed clearly and quickly.
Nicely done. -
-blink- wow. that is really good. I can understand and imagine your emotions PERFECTLY from this. very well written, perfectly flowing in all together venting of anger and other emotions. great job.
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Lovely piece. Full of emotion, I can feel that you have put a lot of heart into writing it.
I agree with LittleLover, perhaps use 'goodbye' instead of 'bye bye'. Goodbye makes it sound more smooth and fluent and less childish, somewhat.
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I like this! I write songs as well, and I have to say I do this too, but I sometimes I think you were rhyming things just because you needed some things to rhyme, you see what I mean? But yeah, I liked this alot.
LittleLover.
p.s Maybe at the end, instead of saying "When I finally say bye bye." you could say "When I finally say goodbye."? Think about it.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5.
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Mmm this was good, I liked it very nice job!
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i really don't know a think about poetry writing but it does seem very deep an emotional
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ty
thank you for the comment
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comment
lolz -
Plz Comment
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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