Raindrops pounded against the rushing current as it swept me past the banks. Nothing was real anymore, nothing made sense and the world was zipping out of my reach. It wasn’t fair that I could see everyone on the banks pointing and laughing, their days sunny, while agony whipped through me.1
Why was no one else in this river of life? Did they just get a ticket to freedom? The rain beat almost as hard as my tears now as they slammed down from the sky. These hopes I had, these dreams, it all collapsed as the storm raged on. Confusion replaced it, shifted right into place with the Devil by its side.2
My heart beat murmured and jumped, sending shoots of pain through my body. It was sickening, seeing the fingers pointing, hearing their mocking cries… it was deafening. I wanted nothing more to die.3
Then, I felt a hand touch mine and pull me out of the rushing water. I gasped and coughed on the ground, still hearing the mocking words. But then, all went silent and desperate cries flailed through the air. I looked up to see the crowd that had been teasing me, drifting away in the water.4
A contest entry
- Enter If You Dare by seasonsoflove.
525 points, ended October 11, 135 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Amazing!!
Plot: 4
Language: 4
Theme: 4
Total: 12
Great work here. Keep it up, and thank you so much for entering!! -
WOW! This was amazing! Great descriptions, and acually, the end was a little surprising. I didn't think she was ACUALLY in the water. GReat job!!!!!!!
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This is good! An almost poetic form... maybe that's just me, but there's a rhythm to it.
Plot: 3
Language: 4
Theme: 3
Total: 10
Good work here. Keep it up! -
That was really good. Especially for your age...I'm thirteen, and that was better than most of my work
. Good job, and I hope you continue to write, you're very good!
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Wow
That was a truly moving story, and now, one of my favourites. You've managed to capture that hopelessness that comes with the hard times and the joy of the good times in here; not many can do that...language: 5.
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