Wishes Always Come True...

The room was set deep black; the light shone from underneath the door. Hesitating, I opened the door. A bright light blocked my vision for a while, but when I refocused I saw...
Nothing.
The light I thought I saw beneath the door no longer existed, all I could see was darkness capturing and flowing around the furniture in the living room. All I could feel was darkness coming over me, complete loneliness. Had my family forgotten about me and left to go somewhere else? How could they?!
"SURPRISE!" My friends popped  up; the light suddenly switched on.
A wide smile was wiped across my face, and I was happy again. The darkness in me, forgotten.
Alice, Vanessa and Maia all came towards me to give me a hug, presents held in their hands. They we're my best friends
"We've missed you!" They said, their eyes wet from crying tears of joy. I could see my own reflection in them.
I observed the room, balloons were on the floor, pretty much everywhere. It was like the balloon's were the carpet on the floor. Of course it would completely impossible to walk across without popping them.1

Strings and Crepe Paper where also placed scruffily around the ceiling above us. I chuckled. 2

"Happy Birthday To You... Happy Birthday To You" My friends sang, the light was switched off so we could only see the light from the candles that had been placed on a birthday cake, which read: "Happy 13th Birthday Samantha!"3

Once the song was finished, I blew out the thirteen candles at once and made a wish.  4

We were having so much fun, just hanging, laughing and pigging out on junk food, especially chocolate. We were all happy. 5

The happiness did not last long though, something burst through the window, the impact shattering the glass. At first I thought it was a joke, that maybe it was a rock. But it wasn't.6

It was a person. A woman.7

The woman sauntered toward me, faster and faster. My friends seemed to be egging the woman on.8

The last thing I remembered, was her lips coming towards my neck, her teeth biting into my flesh...9

10

- - -11

12

I woke up startled.13

I was screaming obviously, my best friends came to my side, comforting me. 14

"Please, get off me!" I yelled. I was still captured by the vivid nightmare.15

They fled, moving towards their own beds. They were acting quite odd, the way they moved so gracefully. They even looked more beautiful than they have ever had. 16

I then realized what my dream was about, the reminded me so much of it.17

It was the wish I made, to be immortal. To be a vampire. It was a wish I made yesterday, when I blew out the candle.18

It wasn't a dream, it was real.19

I rushed over to the mirror to see everything about me had changed, my hair, my teeth. My brace's were gone, fangs had replaced them. My eyes were a crimson red.20

I was a vampire. 21

Alice, Vanessa and Maia came towards me, their eyes as red as mine. What have I done? I'm a monster... A Vampire.  22

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • jauhar
    September 10

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    This was greatly written you are the future JK Rowling.
    It is amazing that someone as young as you have written so beautifully.
    But I have some suggestions.
    This line need to be redone.Of course it would completely impossible to walk across without popping them.1

    Somehow these two sentences don't flow into each other smoothly. Strings and Crepe Paper where also placed scruffily around the ceiling above us. I chuckled. 2

    It is great as it stands doesn't need any improvement.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


    • Brand New Eyes
      September 10
      Edit | Reply
      Future JK Rowling? W O W. Thanks
      Yes, I guess those sentences didn't flow very well, but I guess it OK. Thanks AGAIN!

  • rustic
    September 7
    Edit | Reply

    cool :)


  • DecoDog
    September 5
    Edit | Reply
    ha ha cool

1 - 6 of 6