Should've known better

As I sat in the rain, looking at my feet, I can feel him watching me. Every time that I come to this bench, I can feel him here and I want him to be next to me. However, life never works out the way that you want it to and the song that’s playing in my head is apt to my situation:1

“Should’ve known better than to fall in love with you2

Now love is just a faded memory3

Should’ve known better4

Now I’m a prisoner to this pain5

And my heart still aches for you.”6

I listen to this song over and over to remind myself of our love; to make sure that I don’t forget it. He came to me when I needed him most. 7

I was hiking in the woods with my camping group when I got lost and was gone for hours. I fell deep into a hidden hole in the ground and broke my leg. He came to me when I screamed hours on end for help. He appeared out of the darkness of the cave and told me not to worry. That help was on the way. 8

I looked into his eyes, those stormy dark gray eyes and asked him for his name.9

He said “Kyle, my name is Kyle and I’m supposed to look over you until help arrives.” You smiled and my pain, which had been agonizing for hours, faded until I felt nothing but the soft caress of your hands around me as you held me.10

Hours passed and we talked about anything to pass the time. We laughed, cried, sang, and joked until I passed out from exhaustion or laughing too hard. Three days went past and help finally arrived. I looked up at the opening of the hole and saw people yelling down to me. I looked to him beside me and I saw that he was fading into the darkness. 11

I yelled for him to come back, even after my voice was hoarse and the paramedics sedated me into a drug-filled sleep. Two days later, I woke up in a hospital with my family next to me and all I could think about was Kyle. The doctors told my family that I hallucinated him being there with me due to the dehydration, but I remember his touch, his laugh, or his effortless ways to make me not think about the pain. Most of all, I remember his smile. That I will never forget.12

The doctors came in and were very surprised that I survived given my injuries. They said that I should have bled out, but miraculously, the blood clotted up and the leg was partially sealed when I was first examined at the hospital. I raised eyebrows at that and knew that he had something to do with that. 13

Weeks past and as I healed, I missed him terribly. The nights were sleepless and the dreams that I did get were filled with images of the man who saved my life. Two months from the date that I broke my leg, I went hiking again on the same trail. My family said that I was crazy, but I told them that I had my reasons to hike again and knowing that they would push me away further, they held their tongues.14

I went back to that dreaded place where so much pain and yet so much joy came from. I stayed there night after night and after five days, I grew disheartened that I would ever see him again. I was convinced that I was on the verge of obsession.15

As I walked down the path that night with the full moon above me, I saw a shooting star fill the night sky with its sheer brilliance and I heard a twig snap next to me in the woods. I followed to where the sound was and found a small path leading down to a clearing with a single black bench and a small pond. 16

I took off my gear and sat down on the bench watching the pond ripple and flow. I’ve always loved the water. I heard the crunching of leaves behind me and I whirled. What I saw shocked me. It was Kyle, my savior. He looked at me and smiled sadly. 17

I raced to him and he opened his arms. We embraced joy overwhelming for us both. Kyle said to me “Ah, Kayla, why did you come searching for me?”18

“I couldn’t let you go. You held me together when I could have died. You kept me awake and laughing when I could have lost all hope of rescue,” I said, crying. The tears came unwanted, but they were there all the same.19

“I was assigned to protect you, Kayla. It was my job. I made sure that you would live because it wasn’t your time to die,” he said, holding me close. Then he reluctantly released me and stepped back. “You weren’t supposed to come looking for me again.”20

“How did you know where I was?” I asked, curious.21

“I’ve been watching over you for your entire life. I know that this will be a lot to take in, but I’m your guardian angel. You weren’t supposed to see me when I was with you,” he said, caressing my cheek. “But you were very close to death. I tried my best to heal you up and keep you alive.”22

“You’re my guardian angel?” I stepped back in disbelief. I mean, sure I heard about them, but they were myths. The man standing before me was no myth. I could touch him and he could touch me.23

He stepped forward. “You were very strong willed and that’s the only reason that you could see me the entire time. That and I’ve become mesmerized by you and it kept me there when I should have been doing other things. Saving other people…” He looked up with sadness in his eyes.24

I cupped his cheek and looked him in the eyes. “I understand your pain, but I thank you all the same for keeping me alive,” I said, leaning forward and kissing him.25

The kiss was quick, but it was the spark that ignited our passion for each other. We held each other close, kissing deeply as if our mingled breath was the only air left. I cupped the back of his head with my hand and swore to never let him go. I couldn’t stand having him leave again.26

Abruptly, he released me and tilted his head as if hearing something. He looked at me and said, “I have to go.” He caressed my cheek with his thumb. “I wish that we had more time.”27

“How can I see you again?” I asked, desperate for another chance to be with him.28

He smiled. “If you want to see me, come once a month the night after the full moon and I will be here waiting. I promise.” He kissed me deeply and then the wind picked up and he evaporated in my arms.29

For the next three months, I came the night after the full moon and I had the best relationship. Granted, it wasn’t much, but I enjoyed every moment that I got with him.30

The following month, autumn was in bloom and I arrived a little late because I was looking at the trees and the beautiful colors of the leaves. As I approached our meeting spot, I heard a scuffle with the rustling of leaves being kicked about. I hid behind a tree as I saw Kyle being held by two men and a third was speaking to him.31

“You knew the rules. No contact with the humans. We are there to protect, not to love.” He looked down at him. “Kyle, you are a brother to me. Why did you break your oaths?”32

Kyle spit out blood. His lip was cut and he had the start of a black eye. “I spent three days with her, Malaki. I’ve loved her since I laid my eyes on her. I can’t deny my love that I feel for her,” he said fiercely, giving Malaki a determined stare.33

“Then you know the sentence. You are banned from seeing her...,” he stopped and tilted his head as did the rest of them and then they all looked right at me.34

Malaki’s eyes were the first thing that stood out for me. They were ice blue and so cold that I felt a shiver down my spine. He gestured towards me, “Come out, Kayla. You are his love and you should know what is to happen to him.”35

I walked out cautiously and I could see Kyle’s eyes fill with fear. Malaki turned to him. “Kayla, he wasn’t supposed to be with you. Guardian Angels are there to protect and serve the Fates. Kyle is an oddity in the fact that he could fall in love with a human. To rid him of such distraction, we have banned him from your sight.” Malaki’s voice was cold, filled with conviction. 36

Kyle struggled against the two men holding him. I rushed to his side and kissed him. I whispered in his ear, “You will always have my heart.” Kyle’s eyes filled with love and he disappeared along with the two men.37

I dropped to my knees and wept. Malaki’s hand came down on my shoulder. I looked up at him and I saw sorrow in his eyes as well. “Believe me, Kayla. I understand your pain and I have had the same thing happen to me, but he would only bring you grief. Guardian angels are not suitable companions for humans. We are here to serve, nothing else.”38

With that said, he disappeared. I returned month after month for an entire year to that special place. The fall came and went along with the winter. The spring came and I found myself sitting on this bench, listening to this song and singing along:39

“Should’ve known better than to fall in love with you.40

Now love just a faded memory.41

Should’ve known better.42

Now I’m a prisoner to this pain.43

And my heart still aches for you.”44