Horses

1

There are horses in the sky,2

Dancing all around.3

They prance and kick4

And spring and flick5

Their tails above the ground.6

With bodies stretched 7

And manes swished,8

They race towards a prize.9

Where from they come10

Or where they go,11

I still don’t realize.12

There’s a dashing stallion,13

One hoof above a mound,14

And mares and foals come crashing past15

Without the slightest sound!16

Graceful and elegant,17

Free and magnificent;18

Can you hear their hooves a-pounding19

Or see dust from their a-bounding?20

Then as suddenly as they come,21

My horses silently go.22

For now the wind blows its gusts,23

And the sun begins to show.24

So, what are your thoughts on the style?

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Hihamburger
    September 27, 2009

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    I loved this! I like your imagery. It flows and what I saw was the clouds being the dust that the horses flung. To me it kind of sounded like a song in my head. So great job!


  • musical tai
    September 2, 2009

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    good job! really painted a picture! I could really see the movements of the horses and I liked the way you ended the story. I was a very fast paced story.

    Although, the rhyming makes it a little bit...whats the word? It kinda threw the reader off. I had to re-read a few lines to understand what was going on.

    Also (still had to do with rhyming) a thought to have in mind if your writting a ryhming poem, is that the poem should be able to be read and have the ryhming unnoticable. It's like make-up! Too obvious and it doesn't look to great. But, if its conspicuous...its da bomb!

    You really did a great job with this piece! Like I said, the way you painted a picture was really amazing...just work on the ryhming!

    Awesome job! Keep writting!


    • Tuesdays-child
      September 3, 2009
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      Thanks!

      Lol, I love your makeup illustration! Point taken with it, also

      Thanks for the advice


  • WingsOfHope
    September 2, 2009
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    Ha, coolz. A bit whacky, but that is what makes it so original. Great Job


  • DecoDog
    September 2, 2009
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    haha......cool......it is indeed a litle wacko but it is definitely a good poem i liked it soooo much. Thankyou for posting this on SW and i hope to read more poems of yours later on. Goodjob


    • Tuesdays-child
      September 2, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou for your comment! I'm glad you liked my poem; I'll post more when I get more crazy ideas, lol!

1 - 6 of 6